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Original poster

AIBU Not invited to friends wedding

114 replies

redpassport · 25/03/2018 10:05

I'm not sure what to think, but I do feel a bit put out and upset by this.
I've been friends with her for about 7 years and I thought reasonably close. We socialise together regularly etc. I've been very supportive over the past 7 years towards her through relationships, jobs, life etc.
She met a guy approx 2 years ago and I'm very happy for her. All her dreams have been answered. New home, new partner and a lovely life ahead of her.
I've been asked to be part of her hen weekend as a group of 4 "close" friends and it'll cost me more than a few quid - that's fine but.....when it comes to the wedding I'm not invited. The wedding will be a good 45/1 hour drive away in the middle of nowhere, but I'm invited to the evening - again it'll cost me an overnight in a very expensive area. I've no issue with the idea of an overnight or the cost, but I'm less enthusiastic about it when I'm clearly not considered as a close enough friend to attend the wedding itself......AIBU?
Clearly it's her choice who to or not to invite to her wedding, I get that...but it's still a little hard to swallow....

OP posts:

Alex3101 · 25/03/2018 10:47

60 people wouldn't cover mine and DP relatives. If we invited 120 people we would still be leaving some pretty close friends out, we could exclude children but wouldn't do that as it would not be the same celebration. So without knowing who is actually going you may well be BU.

CuriousMama · 25/03/2018 10:48

God she sounds even worse. I would be declining and distancing myself.

Aeroflotgirl · 25/03/2018 10:49

No I would feel hurt op, you clearly saw her as a close friend, and she gave that impression to you, but in reality its not. I would decline all of it, I would not put myself through that, and just reevaluate the friendship, and mentally take it down a peg or two.

Aeroflotgirl · 25/03/2018 10:50

I would have jokingly asked where my invite was, at the dinner.

MarthasGinYard · 25/03/2018 10:53

'I think it's really disgraceful to invite someone to a hen do and not the wedding'

I've been on hen do's and just been an evening guest on day but that's also fine.

No invite at all but expecting you to shell out to celebrate pre wedding

Nah

MarthasGinYard · 25/03/2018 10:54

Agree Aeroflot

'Oh mines been lost in the post ha ha'

Godowneasy · 25/03/2018 10:54

Maybe your invitation has got lost in the post? I'd ask her when you next see her, and see what she says, before pulling out of the hen do etc.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 25/03/2018 10:55

I had to embarrass myself once and ask a couple which part of the wedding I was invited to, as I hadn't received any invitation at all.
I knew I was supposed to be going because I'd been asked to bring some sound kit to the wedding; but with zero invitation, I had no idea which bit I'd been invited to, and when they wanted the sound kit for - so I had to email the groom to ask if I should send it with another friend or bring it myself.
So embarrassing.
I think the invitation had actually got lost in the post, as I then received an invitation for the whole day - but I was still mortified.

eddielizzard · 25/03/2018 10:57

wow. i think that's disgusting tbh. i hate this a list, b list nonsense. get a venue that can hold everyone. save for longer or go for something cheaper. i think i wouldn't go to any of it. why cause hurt like this? i really don't understand it.

i used to work in the wedding business and i've been to literally hundreds. one of the nicest was in a park with a picnic. super low budget, everyone had a blanket and tucked into a buffet. it was really lovely. contrasted with unbelievably expensive weddings where everyone's so uptight and no fun had at all. obvs blanket stereotyping there, and always exceptions to the rule...

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 25/03/2018 10:58

YANBU

I completely agree that people are free to invite whoever they please for their wedding
BUT evening only invitations are rude, unless you are the parents neighbours, some work colleagues basically someone you are just friendly with but not close to. It's even ruder when there's no open bar for the guests, who are basically invited but have to pay for their own evening. It's is funny, but beyond bad manners.

BUT ,even worst, if you invite someone to a hen do, they are invited to the wedding - unless it's a very private ceremony.

The bride is just rude, and doing the wedding for show: wants the big hen do, the "big wedding" without wanting to spend any money for it. She is probably one of these people who also expects a gift from evening guests. Do not take it personally, it's not about you at all, it's about bridezilla being tight or having ambitions she cannot afford.

AtrociousCircumstance · 25/03/2018 10:59

So you’re expected to shell out three hundred quid - a ridiculous amount - to make her feel all special and henny but you aren’t invited to the wedding?!

I wouldn’t go to the hen. I might go to the evening thing but certainly not the hen.

Sprinklesinmyelbow · 25/03/2018 11:03

I hate this. My ex friend did this and didn’t invite me to the wedding and it was devastating. She also didn’t tell anyone they were only coming to the evening- leading people to believe they were coming to a Late ceremony and celebration after.

She still had a hen party and asked for money to be paid directly into her account for presents.

I just think you can’t have it all. If you chose a small intimate wedding you have by default sacrificed the big hen party and big presents. Because what you’re basically saying to your friends is you can only be involved for the bits you pay for.

Cricrichan · 25/03/2018 11:03

Only go to the hen if you really fancy it and then go to the evening do.

Close friends that I've known a very long time I've always been invited to the whole wedding but not to all of reasonably good local friends and it has never bothered me.

Viviennemary · 25/03/2018 11:04

Perhaps she is having a very small wedding in the day for close family and then inviting friends in the evening which I think is fair enough. But if this isn't the case then YANBU to be annoyed at not being invited to the day event. Still doesn't sound as if you are very keen which is fair enough under the circumstances so maybe give it a miss. But it all seems to be you forking out while the bride and groom cut costs. Not on really.

StrangeLookingParasite · 25/03/2018 11:06

I cannot stand evening invites only, very much B-list.

As usual, I agree with Conyo. I think it's horrible, this selective inviting.

expatinscotland · 25/03/2018 11:07

Why on EARTH are you shelling out £300 for her hen do? Just no. And no to her poxy evening do invite. Bet there's a tout for cash in the invitation, too. Bugger that. I'd decline or pull out of the hen do, none of this feeling guilty because you already said you'd go, either. Just make up an excuse after a couple of days. 'So sorry, my imaginary cousin is getting married that weekend, have to pull out.' Start cutting her a wide berth. Don't feel guilty! She's a rude cow.

expatinscotland · 25/03/2018 11:08

'She still had a hen party and asked for money to be paid directly into her account for presents. '

Hope you didn't enable her cheeky fuckery by handing her money.

dustarr73 · 25/03/2018 11:09

No way would i pay 300 for a hen night.I dont mind evening invites as thats the best part.

HuskyMcClusky · 25/03/2018 11:12

Nope, fuck that. No way would I fork out £300 for the hen and then go to the wedding as a B-lister! Rude. 😲

AsAProfessionalPenis · 25/03/2018 11:13

As op has her evening invitation it is unlikely that anything is lost in the post
Cry off the hen party and you decide if you want to bother with the night do or not

Jaxhog · 25/03/2018 11:13

I think it's really disgraceful to invite someone to a hen do and not the wedding unless it is a private ceremony with just parents or similar.
Maybe not disgraceful, but unless it is family only, it does seem a bit mean.

KitKat1985 · 25/03/2018 11:13

I had something similar last year. I was invited along to the hen night (which was quite small, only 8 attendees), but only got an evening invite for the wedding. I was a bit hurt to be honest as I thought we were fairly close. If it was just that the ceremony was family-only or similar I wouldn't have minded, but I know other friends of the bride got a day invite.

bunbunny · 25/03/2018 11:13

Have others dropped out of the hen do and has she subbed you in?

expatinscotland · 25/03/2018 11:16

People like this bride get away with arsehole behaviour because others enable them. That's why I'd pull out of her hen do. Make up an excuse.

Mix56 · 25/03/2018 11:16

message her "Dear Friend, sorry, just would like to get this right, I am invited to hen do, (one of 4 hens), I am on the evening list, but not welcome at the wedding?"

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