Unicorns and rainbows3, thank you for the link. I'm going to have a look tonight when it's quiet.
Doingreat, everything you say is right. I more or less said the same to him last week, that he treats me as a sex object and thinks he has more right to my body than I. The reason I'm always tired is because I don't give into him. That's why he tries all night. I cringe when I say this but I'm so used to it now that when I feel his hands on me but am to tired to challenge him. I will just ignore him, leave him to it and try and remain asleep. He usually gives up after 15, 20 mins but will then try again a bit later. I don't know how he's never tired, he doesnt get any sleep. He says he doesn't know he's doing it, that he's asleep but I know he's lying. Sometimes I go sleep downstairs and the next morning he will come down all cheery like everything is fine and nothing has happened. The weekends are the worst and expects it more because I don't have to get up for work.
I usually stay up until 2am ish, hoping he will have fallen asleep but he never has and as soon as I get in bed his hands are on me. I went through a fase of drinking on a weekend to try and comatose myself, but that didn't work out well as he would just take advantage of my state, So I don't drink that much now.
Because he's always said its me that's boring, fridges , unreasonable etc, I have some how doubted myself. But now that I have had all your opinions and support it has give me a strength to stand up to him. I know it's not me now.
Mybrilliantdisguise - your question was valid. But I can 100% say he has never interfered with my older 2. I came from a home with a very violent father, physically and sexually abusive to my mum and sister. My mum was an alcoholic and my father would make my mum sleep with other men. I saw him regularly beat her and we all would have to ignore the bruises my mum would walk around with. As soon as I was 16 I left and haven't really had anything to do with them since. I know the signs and have been very careful to look out for them and have always spoken to my girls from a young age, I know he hasn't or wouldn't touch them. Believe it or not, our house has lots of laughter. I refuse to argue in front of the children and everything that goes on is out of their eyes. Although he does touch me constantly they are sly touches when the kids can't see and if they do see their daddy touching mums bum etc. I say to them, your daddy is naughty and shouldn't do that to mummy, I tell them not to do that to others or let others do that to them. I make my husband apologies to me infront of them. I've previously gone ballistic at my husband and he knows not to touch me when they can see. My kids will always come first and i will never let them be damaged in anyway. My kids are honestly very happy and looked after.
I stand by, I am going to find a house to rent. And by reading these posts over and over, it is going to give me the strength I need not to give in. My first marriage was to a man who constantly put me down, told me I was fat even though I was 7.5 st and made me anorexic, cheated on me constantly and was a compulsive liar. Now I'm with someone who fancies me to much (not that I'm shutting special, not ugly , not gorgeous, just average) , but is probably still a compulsive liar, a passive aggressive and a lot worse.
I think women see me as a bit of a bitch because I put a bravado on. I have a nice car, a nice house, a good job and to the outside world my life probs looks good. In reality, I suffer from anxiety, have no friends, am not good at socialising any more and prefer to be with my own company. If only people knew what goes on behind closed doors.
I can't thank you all enough for your comments and strength. I'm still shocked. I was only expecting maybe one response if I was lucky.