So how do I meet a decent, late 40’s man?

[Tigerstripycat]

I’m 47, have been divorced for 3 years and I’m looking to meet someone - but it seems impossible. Where do decent, educated men in their late 40s, early 50s hang out?!

All my friends are married, with married friends, so not much luck there. I’ve tried OLD on and off over two years, and I’ve had lots of first dates, one 6 month relationship, and a very short fling (we’ve ended up being good mates though, which is great.) There is definitely a lack of candidates out there.

Any ideas? Cycling, climbing? I’ve got a 7 year old sportyish DS so am thinking of shamelessly roping him in to help my cause (obviously he’s unaware...!) Maybe I should set up a cycling with kids Meetup group...

Anyone else in the same boat?

"A good way to meet men this age is to join a local political party."

Must depend on the party and area, but the people with lots of time for political activism are mainly students and pensioners and more than an average share of the younger men are gay.

" Always reading stories in mags about 40s and 50s somethings women meeting the loves of their lives abroad."

And then what? Are you ready to move abroad for them? Do you expect them to move here? Will they be able to? Will they be happy living in another country?

"it did cross my mind that maybe coffee shops/libraries are in fact dating hot spots!"

I think you must be very approachable. I've been going to coffee shops for decades and not once has a strange man struck conversation. I have to admit that I wouldn't take well to being approached in that way anyway.

"Personally, if I was a man, I’d be looking for someone the same age as I like having similar cultural references, and someone 10 years younger would feel too out of my age range."

But if you were a man, you just wouldn't be the same person, would you?
I don't think you can just assume a man is someone exactly the same as you but male.

"here is a theory that you meet someone when you're least trying. Maybe just general socialising is the way"

That theory might work in your 20s when lots of your peers are single, not later on when you have to make a conscious effort to meet single people.

55 and marriage ended eight years ago. One disastrous relationship with someone eight years younger and a few first dates which were awkward and not enjoyable enough to take any further.

Men OLD my age often have an age range of 18 to 45 meaning they'd date my daughters but not me. In real life I tend to get attention from married men much younger than me. I don't know if they think I'm desperate or grateful but I'm not interested.

Kind of given up now as I'm concentrating on living my life the way I want to, travelling as much as possible. I find my standards have got higher and I've got more to lose. If it happens, it happens, if it doesn't, I'm still going to have fun.

I met loads via Guardian Soulmates. Lots of interesting decent smart guys on there. Only trouble is outside of London you or he may have to travel a little...

Running club. Never fails.

The only politicians I know locally are councillors, ones aged only 22 (well done to him!) & the others married.

However I have got chatting to men online in Antifa groups, all ages some must be single.
So definitely try political groups.

There are men of various ages at the gym (at least you get to see how fit they are). Groups that attract men seem to be circuits, running, HIIT classes.

Some men I know are religious; I know a woman who converted to Islam & found a new younger hubbie straight away! If god is your thing that is. It's not for me.

The only men I've got chatting to in coffee shops actually work there. There is a cute guy I've got an eye on (no idea of age) but how to start a conversation?

I've also met men online through photography & fossilling groups. So far been chatted up by a 20 year old, asked out by a (rich,lovely but not fit) 60 year old & also a couple of good looking 50 year olds.
They're the wrong ages so we're just friends.

I'm 41 so looking in the 35 - 45 age group. On tinder I've been messaged by various men in that age group.

So I have the opportunity to date BUT my huge issue is shyness.
I'm good at hiding my nerves on actual dates but I get an upset stomach when chatting online through nerves.

So by the time I get over it there won't be any men left to date. :(

"Running club. Never fails."

You'd have to be able to run at the pace of a fit man though wouldn't you? Hardly an option for the average couch potato.

@Talith there's virtually no one within 20 miles of me on Soulmates, it's more of a Torygraph area and I do have standards!

Was chatting to my GP about how isolated I am, how I have tried to go cinema and couple of other places alone. She said something that made me giggle but relevant to this thread, her reply was ‘nothing wrong in that, in fact I often go to Saturday morning marvel showings at the cinema, it’s filled with divorced dads taking their kids for their weekend visit’ haha I would never ya e thought of that!

I did Match when I was 46. Wrote a vaguely amusing blurb and in the profile questions was very clear about the type of person I was, and wanted in someone else - listed my education, job, favourite books, movies etc. and chucked in a few vaguely attractive pics. I met some really great guys and a few weirdos (the 5 dates in 6 days was a bit of a killer though!) and after a few months I met someone really great - a year younger than me, funny, kind, and pretty amazing. We’ve been together 3 years now. His kids are late teens and mine are younger, but he’s great with them and they love him. I joined in a fit of pique after my previous relationship had ended acrimoniously, but it turned out to be the best thing I’d ever done. If you do choose to do it again, know what you bring to the table, treat it as a bit of fun, and move on fast if you know someone isn’t for you.

I'm in my 50s. I had a relationship which lasted a year with someone I met on POF. Looking back it really wasn't good for most of that time (but I think sometimes at this age you think you're not going to get any better). Then met someone on Tinder and we've been together ten months now. I feel very positive about this relationship. Maybe I was just lucky on Tinder (certainly did a lot of left swiping!) but he's very genuine and we both seem to want the same things out of this relationship.

gwenhwrfar - the goal is to run faster than them! A bit of competitive banter is hot.

I’ve been OLD since 2001. (Could write a book about the history of it!)

At least most of you have had relationships and kids..!!