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Relationships

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Original poster

So how do I meet a decent, late 40’s man?

116 replies

Tigerstripycat · 21/03/2018 21:28

I’m 47, have been divorced for 3 years and I’m looking to meet someone - but it seems impossible. Where do decent, educated men in their late 40s, early 50s hang out?!

All my friends are married, with married friends, so not much luck there. I’ve tried OLD on and off over two years, and I’ve had lots of first dates, one 6 month relationship, and a very short fling (we’ve ended up being good mates though, which is great.) There is definitely a lack of candidates out there.

Any ideas? Cycling, climbing? I’ve got a 7 year old sportyish DS so am thinking of shamelessly roping him in to help my cause (obviously he’s unaware...!) Maybe I should set up a cycling with kids Meetup group...

Anyone else in the same boat?

OP posts:

StayPositiveOk · 22/03/2018 13:37

Similar boat as you except I'm 25 with a 2.5 year old DD. Single since pregnancy.

Can't seem to find anything worthwhile :(

Sophionaliv · 22/03/2018 14:20

Nearly 48 here, 2 years single after 22 year relationship and 3 teen daughters. Break up was nasty and knocked my confidence big time. I've tried OLD, pof and tinder, all a waste of time with the whole 'hey sexy' messages or after 3-4 messages always some sort of quip about sex. I have a hard time socialising and am very isolated, so I am watching for any idea's on this thread with great interest. I had pretty much given up hope and just waiting on the kids to leave so I can have 100 cats instead

outabout · 22/03/2018 14:32

Interesting thread but can we shift it up another 10 years?

Cakequeenrules · 22/03/2018 15:27

Needle in a haystack really isn’t it.

OLD is a sweet shop for men.

They have a choice of a much bigger age range because a lot of younger women will accept dates from older men. If you was a man, wouldn’t you look for a newer model?

A woman approaching menopause ain’t a great proposition for a late 40’s man when he can still attract a mid 30’s woman. I know as I am in this boat. I’ve gone from a ok for a quick shag to invisible in the last 10 years from 48 onwards. It’s been a nightmare.

Wherearemymarbles · 22/03/2018 16:24

How about sailing/windsurfing??
Ds can do it and lots of outdoorsy weather beaten men. :)

Gliding is a good one - lots of divorced men- but thats because gliding generally comes 1st!! So maybe not such a good plan.

Maybe a martial arts like tae kwon do. Gets you fit and quite good fun. Also ds can do it

outabout · 22/03/2018 16:43

I am a man and no I am not looking for a 'newer model' not that I am looking for anyone at the moment. I would actually like the 'old model' back (if she could look forward IYSWIM) despite a few extra pounds and grey hairs which to me are insignificant (I have some too) as it is the person not the 'physique'.
@Tigerstripycat, Volunteering at Scouts (actually Cubs as DS is only 7) can get you out if you wish. Although it is nominally for the children, there is no law that says the leaders can't have a good time too!

Changedname3456 · 22/03/2018 17:52

OLD is frustrating but it can work in the end (5 years in to my current relationship, living together etc and we’re both over 45).

One thing I’ve found challenging is living with her older (20’s) DC. Her son is a slob - beyond even the normal late teens lifestyle.

Having another adult in the house whose personal hygiene is poor and who lives like the house-fairies will always pick up whatever he discards is very difficult sometimes. If I’m honest, there’ve been days when I think I’d have preferred to stay in my own house.

CalmBeforeTheWave · 22/03/2018 19:12

Could you go on the game OP?

Original poster

Tigerstripycat · 22/03/2018 19:30

Some really interesting stories and viewpoints here.

So much seems to depend on luck, being actually open to meeting someone new and maybe what your priorities are.

Not sure about that Calm.. as far as I know, women do this for the money, not to meet blokes

OP posts:

MrSandman · 22/03/2018 19:40

Sophionaliv: no wonder youve had no luck POF and Tinder are just for shagging , very few people interested in real relationships, you would have a different result if you went on Match, its worth spending some money (the two you chose are free), and put some effort into a profile to maximise those responses. Honestly the first thing you have to do is pick a half decent OLD site.....

MrSandman · 22/03/2018 19:48

.....and just to add, not all men are looking for women in their 20's or 30's, strangely two of my best friends and myself all ended up single at the same time (now), so me at 50 aims for 45 to 52, buddy A is 48 and aims for 43 to 53, buddy B is 42 and aims fo 35 to 50. None of us place age that highly on our list of preferences. BTW ladies - lots of single men in Newcastle.....

KittiKat · 22/03/2018 19:53

I tried Match, Guardian Soulmates, Elite Singles, all with not a lot of luck as I was the wrong age for the men on there. They want women in their 30's & 40's (probably even 25 if they could...). I then thought I may as well join one of the Over 50's websites (having crossed into that age group) and OMG so much attention. There are men there my age group who are interesting and articulate and so far it has been huge fun in the past 10 days emailing and chatting to them. I have 5 irons in the fire.

DairyisClosed · 22/03/2018 19:58

How picky are you being? You have mentioned age and having children. What else? Are you expecting a certain income bracket or education level? Do you expect someone attractive? In all honesty it may just be about waiting. The age bracket you have chosen has few single men. Most nice men with clean divorces wait until their children leave home so will be closer to sixty. The ones who do not have children often look for younger women to start a family. I've known lots of people find the one in their Kate fifties and sixties. More fish in the sea.

Original poster

Tigerstripycat · 22/03/2018 20:18

Good point Dairy. Although I wouldn’t say I’m picky, I just know what I like 😁. Brains/education very important, and some head hair is needed. If those boxes are ticked, I’m happy to check things out further! If at that point they’re humourless, sport obsessed or just plain dull, well ok but up to that point, I’m pretty open minded.

On another note, I’m currently on both Tinder and Bumble, and am always surprised how few men actually write anything. A photo on its own doesn’t mean anything!

OP posts:

Sophionaliv · 22/03/2018 20:40

@MrSandman. Yeah I kinda got that pretty quick. Might give eharmony a go as seen what appears to be a few success stories.

LadyLapsang · 22/03/2018 21:08

The guys I know who would tick your boxes and are great company are all dating or have married younger women, e.g. 51 this year dating 38 year-old, 56 this year married a 40 year-old and had a late baby and early 50s widower, now dating 40 something woman. Like you, they are all working serious hours, so time is limited for dates. What about your professional organisation? I can understand not dating colleagues, but perhaps people in other firms? I am very long-term married (& older than you) and will chat to people anywhere (I am seriously turning into my mother) at the opera, in the bar at the cinema, in the members room at an art gallery, just spent plane journey talking and drinking wine with an interesting man returning from his second home in the states ( he was older), & when I have been asked for advice on what wine to choose (in Waitrose, although I don't work there!!). I'm sure if I were single I would act differently though, I would be thinking, are they attractive? am I interested? are they interested? etc. etc. Because I know it won't go anywhere and I 've mention DH, I am no threat, so we can just have a good chat and enjoy the moment.

Original poster

Tigerstripycat · 22/03/2018 21:36

Gosh, Ladylapsang, those are big age differences.. 51 and 38, 56 and a 40 year old.. wow.
So where does a 47 yr old fit in? I want to date someone of my own age, not a 60 year old, however charming he may be.

So. Bloody. Depressing. And why isn’t the 38 year old going for someone HER age?!

It’s a bit like my 31 year colleague at work, who’s dating the 46 yr old man. I do feel a bit cross, as she’s undoubtedly got a much bigger pool to choose from than me, so why is she encroaching on my age bracket!!

OP posts:

GameChanger01 · 22/03/2018 22:18

Unfortunately older men have this thing which makes them more attractive to younger women especially if attractive and "set-up" and they therefore can take their pic of much younger women. Proof is that I recently increased my age bracket to 45 on bumble and have had much more interest from men in their 40s and I'm early 30s! Currently charting to i guy 12 years my senior who to be fair has a great body from his pics so I'm not surprised he targets younger women because he literally can.

MoreProsecco · 22/03/2018 22:23

What about Meetup? My hairdresser (male, mid-50's) had a really active social life through it & has now met someone.

Poppiesway1 · 22/03/2018 23:22

@outabout I joined scouts to get me out socialising and hoping to meet some one similar.. I’ve now ended up as section leader, a TA and on the appointments committee. Therefore if I was to meet some I’d have no spare time to actually date but I love scouting and my dc have got over that I’m about in the movement too now

The others who mentioned match.. I tried that one too, but were same people who were on Pof and tinder so may as well not pay and do the free sites!

HelenaDove · 23/03/2018 02:46

"It’s a bit like my 31 year colleague at work, who’s dating the 46 yr old man. I do feel a bit cross, as she’s undoubtedly got a much bigger pool to choose from than me, so why is she encroaching on my age bracket"

My DH is 23 years my senior We met when i was nearly 19 and he 42, 26 years ago. He was a care worker when i met him.

A previous man i was seeing was also older and a hospital porter.

Its never been anything to do with money ...............not for me.

But i sometimes do read the dating threads on here and a common denominator ive seen is people not wanting to date outside their own "class"

ShatnersWig · 23/03/2018 08:31

Tiger said On another note, I’m currently on both Tinder and Bumble, and am always surprised how few men actually write anything. A photo on its own doesn’t mean anything!

I would say that 90% of women don't write anything on their Tinder profile either. Seriously. It really isn't THAT different between the genders, no matter what people think.

Sadik · 23/03/2018 08:35

There are plenty of men who do date around their own age though. I'm 48, recently got together with a 46 yr old
Previous to that I had a summer fling with a 43 yr old (we were never going to suit long term, but he was definitely looking for a serious relationship). My ex-H is now with a slightly younger woman, but only by a couple of years. So don't give up heart, there are some perfectly nice reasonable looking 40s men out there!

outabout · 23/03/2018 09:17

@ Sadik
Forgive my sense of humour but,
[So don't give up heart, there are some perfectly nice reasonable looking 40s men out there!]

'Damning with faint praise' springs to mind.

LadyLapsang · 23/03/2018 09:44

Well the 50 year-old (he isn't 51 yet to be fair) looks a good 6 years younger, is absolutely lovely (I have known him since his 20s when he was just starting out), now very senior role, 3 properties, 3 vehicles, money for great holidays, generous, kind, thoughtful. I have a bet with DH that he will have a baby in the next few years, although DH reports his GF wants one but he thinks he is too old. We'll see....

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