So how do I meet a decent, late 40’s man?

[Tigerstripycat]

I’m 47, have been divorced for 3 years and I’m looking to meet someone - but it seems impossible. Where do decent, educated men in their late 40s, early 50s hang out?!

All my friends are married, with married friends, so not much luck there. I’ve tried OLD on and off over two years, and I’ve had lots of first dates, one 6 month relationship, and a very short fling (we’ve ended up being good mates though, which is great.) There is definitely a lack of candidates out there.

Any ideas? Cycling, climbing? I’ve got a 7 year old sportyish DS so am thinking of shamelessly roping him in to help my cause (obviously he’s unaware...!) Maybe I should set up a cycling with kids Meetup group...

Anyone else in the same boat?

Tigerstripycat i agree. It lacks solidarity. I never went for rich older men. When i was 22 i had a broke 22 year old boyfriend. So men's come back that they were ignored til they were older/richer is nonsense.
Ignored by the beautiful women who trade their youth for security and luxury perhaps!!?

Im in a more accepting phase right now though. Im healthy active attractive employed funny solvent and sane and if the situstion really is so dire that the only men who want me are a decade or more older and not even in good nic for their advanced age then I withdraw from this ludicrous 'game'.

I am feeling confident and fulfilled as a person. I even feel like an attractive woman and yet I know my value OLD would be quick fling and move on. I feel like i have been caught out not understanding how little i was valued in the past, because i value myself.
So i shall save and work and plan reconfigurstions and renovations and do sculptures, dress design, reading, writing and of course, investing in to the relationship with my teens. It occured to me recently how much time and money i had wasted on babsitters and new dresses and going dutch on these men who saw me as one sweet in the shop. From now on i value my children more. I could have brought my teens on a trip to australia. I was desperate for adult company. But u cant pull it out of a hat. I want to improve the relationship i have with my dd and i want my kids to bicker less. That is my next project. 3 yrars of OLD and getting dumped 3 times has made me so much stronger.
Dumper 1 was an invincible robot we never really connected.
Dumper 2 was the stereotypical player.

Dumper 3 was a man id settled for because he seemed decent and trustworthy and in amongst a sea of players i tried to see if my feelings would grow! He dumped me cps there was no spark.

So I feel like I just wsnt to invest back in to the home front for now.

Im 47 so it is hard to know if ill get to 57 and wish that id put in more effort.
It shouldnt be this hard!
So many lovely women competing for a few HALF decent men who are wannabe players given the opportunities they have on line.

As an aside, this morning I had a first message from a recent Tinder match - a 49 year old, reasonable looking man - who said he’d like to meet up. Nothing was written on his profile (I was feeling gung ho when I swiped) Anyway, it turns out he works 3 days a week in the city I live in but lived in London. Something didn’t seem quite right to me so I asked him if he was married... Yes, he replied, quite openly, but he is looking to meet ‘new people’....
Obviously I said I wasn’t going to be one of them, and I know this must happen a lot on OLD so I don’t know why I’m shocked really, but still - his poor poor wife, who almost certainly doesn’t know her husband is recruiting shags on the side while he’s away ‘working’. What a shitbag.

I don't think any of the guys I've mentioned met women through OLD and two out of the three could never be described as players - one was very happily married for over two decades before his wife died and the other had a LTR (nearly 10 years) with someone who wanted to relocate to a different country for professional and personal reasons - they are still friends. With one exception (the serial monogomist / slight player) who got together with a divorcee with a child, the others are both with senior professional women with no children.

You need the late, great Carrie Fisher with her Rolodex -

www.vulture.com/2016/12/carrie-fisher-when-harry-met-sally-scene.html

@ShatnersWig I realize I am making a broad generalization. All people are different and obviously not everyone fits the same shoe.

But I think where I am coming from is, if you have never been married or been in a LTR living with someone and went through your 20s, 30s, and how will into your 40s never having to adjust or compromize any aspect of your living habits -- you are going to be pretty set in your ways and what you like and dont like. The quirk is going to be you will have a very hard time adjusting and compromizing which will only compound the difficulty of finding someone to get into a LTR with as the slightest thing that puts you off you will home in on and make it a deal breaker. People that have been married and LTRs are probably a little more tolerant of adjustments needed to be made . I think this applies to men and women. But what do I know.

But anyways, back to the OPs question.

So I fit the age bracket, but I am married. However, if I was divorced at my age and stage in life, I would be trying to re-connect back with the person I was before I got married. So I would most probably be building up friendships with old friends and trying to re-connect with myself. So I think your best bet might be to look at expanding your social life.

I also think a man in his late 40s who is divorced, has a job and income, is healthy, and is working his way back into the "game" and is working out and taking care of himself is also going to be aiming for a woman between 30 to 35. I know I would be if I were in that scenario.

Oh god this thread has depressed me.

I'm 45, widowed a year and would be interested in dating.

I'm on a number of sites and the only messages I get are "hi beautiful" (seriously???).

My profiles have a fair amount of information in them so maybe I'm just not an attractive prospect.

On the age thing I'd go 39-53.

My late husband was early 50's and I was late 30's when we got together and the 14 year age different stressed me considerably at the beginning. If I hadn't already known him for year and got to know him and got closer in a friendship situation rather than a dating situation I would never have considered him due to the age gap. He'd have been 60 this year and as someone else said there is no way I would be looking at a 60 year old now despite it being the same age gap. I'm pretty sure he wasn't looking for a younger model either, we just fell for each other.

I'd known him for YEARS (10+) not year.

I did OLD for a few years. Met some nice men, some horrors, couple of short relationships. Used it as a chance to learn what I really didn't want, what I would not put up with, what I needed and deserved. Finally, calmly and happily decided that I was no longer interested in finding a man. Was happy to be on my own. Met the love of my life two nights later in my local pub. Had been in there loads before, never seen him although he had seen me. It was just the right time - that's the only explanation I can come up with. I can't believe the time I stopped looking there he was, in my local, and he is the best man for me by a long shot.

Just on a positive note, I am late forties, and went on tinder after break up of marriage.

I was not intending to meet someone, just wanted a bit of fun and attention after years of feeling crap, but was expecting very little.

I put up three pics and a short blurb.

I got lots of matches (boost to crushed old ego) , and a few messages.

Most of the guys who messaged seemed ok. But two were better- one was couple years older and seemed friendly and articulate and on same kind of pqge as me. The other is seven years older than me and was funny and had similar interests. He’s a widower. We’ve now been dating for a few months. So there is hope!

@mm2one: Really? I'm all of those things, and looking at 45+, maybe I need to change my criteria...? To be honest dating a woman who is 45 means the kids are more likely to be grown up, which ca make life simpler....

@sandman. I guess it would depend what you are looking for in life. If you are looking to start a new family it would make reasonable sense to start one with a woman in her 30s.

Can I ask why mm2one?

Why would you, if you were a man in your mid 40’s, go for a woman aged 30 to 35? To have kids round 2 or just because youth is perceived to be more desirable and attractive?

Personally, if I was a man, I’d be looking for someone the same age as I like having similar cultural references, and someone 10 years younger would feel too out of my age range.

I don't think the men actually care what we perceive they should be doing

Rewind your mileage by 20 years. It seems men in their 40s - 60s are "punching" and think they're appealing to 20 something women 😯

I'm in my early 50s and have done okay on OLD. Currently dating someone the same age as me, been together 9 months. Apparently I 'don't look' my age, but I was never that interested in men a lot younger than me. Had a few flings and had the worst sex by far with a 30 something man! Have had amazing sex with men my age. Just to put that stereotype to bed!

A friend of mine went to Ceroc dancing, she wasn't looking for a man as it was too soon for her but had some interest from a couple of men during the 6 months or so she went.

Rewind your mileage by 20 years. It seems men in their 40s - 60s are "punching" and think they're appealing to 20 something women

They can keep dreaming, or pay for it. Saddos.

Tigerstripycat, yes, I've had a few of those too! OPEN about being married or in a relationship! wow. I think I come accross as quite wholesome and classy in my profile so I'm really surprised that they think ''i'll message her''.

A while ago I told a man who I clicked with ON THE PHONE anyway that I'd met 26 men and he was reacting as though that proved I didn't know what I wanted. That felt unfair to me. I have given at least a third of that 26 a chance (ie, a second date), some didn't want a second date. Some I gave it a whirl and it wasn't right. LOTS of men I don't even meet up with don't want a relationship, they're just looking to date. But they want sex? [:-|] I presume?

so not only are the odds not in our favour but men have so little clue that they hold it against you if you're honest enough to say how many dates you've been on! like it's YOUR fault they were awful!

mm2one

''I also think a man in his late 40s who is divorced, has a job and income, is healthy, and is working his way back into the "game" and is working out and taking care of himself is also going to be aiming for a woman between 30 to 35. I know I would be if I were in that scenario.''

I imagine that's what he aims for but a young woman with a lot going for her is not going to be AIMING for him. She might settle for him, but she's not AIMING for him

But if one doesn't ask one doesn't get.

The classic Mrs Merton interview question: 'What first attracted you to this multimillionaire'?

outabout, but this is an issue for the guys. When you have worked as a kitchen porter on graduation because it was difficult finding a professional opening, I'm sure you don't want someone targeting you now you are wealthy, when they wouldn't have given you a second glance in the past.

My DP is 48 and we met through a mutual hobby. He is divorced and has grown up children. We have been together going on 2 years, known each other around 4. I have two young DC (9 and 12), I often pinch myself that he’ll wake up and realise that he’s already been there and done that with younger children. Not sure it adds anything to the mix but I’m 32.

Personally I don't think actively doing things in the hope of finding a man is the right way to go. What a waste of time, energy and money. Just do things you like doing (out of the house) and it will happen in most unexpected way when it's meant to happen.

It is an issue for women as well Lapsang Plenty of threads about cocklodgers on here.

My STBXH is back on the market OP 😂. On second thoughts... But seriously there is a theory that you meet someone when you're least trying. Maybe just general socialising is the way. Not easy though. I'm not interested in even trying.