Break Out The Red Flag Bunting, It's Dating Thread 131

[VetOnCall]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

One of the main reasons I split with my ex of 2 years was because of his absolute hatred of 'foreigners' - don't get it as he is very proudly not British although born here - i really don't understand where this stuff comes from - he spends loads of money trying to get a tan FFS - rant over

Chris sound very familiar to me too... I never actually met him. Fed me the wife line too!

Please shoot me now - got a message saying how r u and we actually got chatting a few days ago - nothing exciting - just got the same message - told him to read back !!! Need another large glass of🍷🍷🍷🍷

I have an update! After being stood up, my luck has changed! A MrSpectacles who ditched me has returned! He is a newbie to online dating so I am forgiving his previous fauxpas and giving him a chance tomorrow. Yay!!

Yeay Locotion. I think thats what you have to do when you have a let down, is put it down to experience and move on.

Well, Mr French and I have moved up a notch........a nice notch. he's been leaving me voices messages and his accent, oh my freaking god! I'm sold. Its also his birthday i just found out and he was on his way to his birthday party and he kept messaging me so he was late. I can feel sexual tension in this one, but just the right amount. Not too profound or over the top.

Mr French sounds very promising pudding. Please keep us posted!

I saw this on Facebook. It struck a chord!

Can I ask you all something? I am a single parent. I get no money/support from anything/anywhere else. I have always worked and I am v v v wary about people who just want to freeload off me as I have had one ex boyfriend (not off OLD) who was charming and wonderful but a freeloader.

One potential bloke who initially came across as lovely but when I met him, little things have become clear. He hasn't done a full year's work for years and years as he goes off sick. He slipped into conversation that his friends and family just think he should get a 'proper' job. He sounds v resentful that his siblings are doing well and appears to be just sat around waiting for his parents to die to get an inheritance.

I don't want to write people off because of their circumstances but it's making me v wary that one of the main reasons he is attracted to me is the financial thing (I'm not wealthy but I am able to support me and dc). Do you think that's fair or am I being too judgemental?

He doesn't sound right for you daffo. Whatever his thoughts on your finances my sense is that his work ethic is very different to yours and that this is worrying you (quite rightly) already.

Thanks pop. I knew him at uni over 20 yrs ago but haven't seen him since, date was meant to be this coming Tuesday.

I've booked a babysitter and everything!

deffo - it doesn't really matter what other people on here think - the important thing is whether it's cause for concern for you or not.

Personally I'd be at someone who regularly took time off sick, as it's unlikely they'd be the kind of person who'd happily take the bins out and pull their weight with everything. But that's my choices, my preferences. I also don't like dating anyone with more facial hair than me, so we're all different.

If you have a gut instinct thing going off, then listen to it.

Good morning.
Just wondering what people’s thoughts are on introducing children?
I’ve read some sad messages in her over the months about people introducing goods to dates quite quickly and it’s not gone well.

I have a teenage daughter. I’ve told her I’m dating someone but they have not met yet....
how long do you think is right before them meeting and how would you do it.
I’ve Never introduced her to anyone since divorce

Goods! 🤔 lol I mean kids.

Lost I think it depends on your dd (is she a young teen or older), my dd’s Have met a couple of my irons, I introduce them as ‘my friend’ my eldest dd is old enough to understand that I date and that I’m not going to move anyone into our home (after my last relationship), my youngest has ASD and doesn’t understand relationships at all, doesn’t really notice who I bring to the house. I haven’t introduced them to anyone for quite a while as I know the chances of someone sticking around is slim with OLD.

Wow that's a lot to catch up on!

Smeaton I think you have been unlucky, I have been actively seeking men very involved with their kids as it means they will understand the restrictions that come along with that. Yet I've fallen into irons that have none

Tom I would message, I couldn't resist and walk away without knowing but not sure if that's the right thing to do!

Bant my friend always tells me to be "unavailable" to peak interest yet I'm rubbish at it.
Clearly she's right and game playing does make you more desirable!

I need some advice on a couple of things please!!!

Firstly I joined Match.com for a trial and have loads of messages. It is KILLING the polite bit of me not to answer the ones I would have zero interest in but I also don't want to get into a conversation. What is the protocol please???

Secondly MrLondon is away home for a while (Portuguese), I am not messaging him as it's only a hook up, though he was actually very loving last time which was confusing. BUT I may have had my friend who works in the same industry LinkedIn stalk him last night to check he is legit. He is but working from his education hes 28 at the oldest not 37!!!! No wonder he finds me "calm and caring" at 40 if he's used to 20 yr olds, he's a baby! He never said his age in fairness but Tinder said 37. Do I ask? Does it matter? I'm 40 btw.

Thanks bant and saveyourkisses

I have a v alert radar for what I think is called cocklodgers! Men who are super charming and happy to do anything for you but have their eye on a different prize! Having been out with one already I definitely don't want another! It's so hurtful when those go wrong and you realise it was never about you.

silverdale I would ask him directly. I don't think it necessarily matters if you have an age gap as long as he is ok with it too. If it's just a fun thing for now, then it probably doesn't matter and I would leave it but if you think he has potential, I think it's only fair you know the truth.

Sounds like a mixed weekend for everyone, I'm being rubbish and not replying properly, sorry!
I think I I'm ready for an OLD break. All I'm getting in my age range (I'm 45) is much much older blokes, young ones with an age fetish, 'hiya hunni xxx' messages, or guys who get really angry if I don't reply/reply and say no thank you. I think I'm done.
It doesn't help that I went for a haircut, asked for something more different than my long-hair-with-fringe that I've had for 10 years, and I've come out looking like Rod Stewart's mother. I can't date looking like this 🙁

My blind date didn't turn up last night, which I'm quite relieved about. It was making me quite anxious.
But a bloke came up and asked for my phone number! I was so shocked (and my friends were all giggling behind him) that I went completely tongue-tied. He was very good looking and I assumed it was a wind-up by his mates or something. But no, it seems he genuinely wanted my number and asked if we could meet this week.

This has never happened before. So now I don't know what to do. Do I wait and see if he contacts me? Or should I just drop him a text this evening?

Ooh Runs that’s great news 👍 even better to meet someone in RL.
I’d wait for him to contact you personally. It’s promising if he approached you first x

Love
My dad is 14 she is quite mature in some ways.
I would like her to meet him, I like him and I want them meet each other....and because I'd like her to see me with someone I actually like and have a Laugh with.... as opposed to how stressed and unhappy I’ve been for many years with her dad !

lostlily I'm having this conversation with myself at the moment too. I've been separated from my exh for 5.5years now and never introduced my kids to anyone. They are younger at 10 and 7 but now things are back on with Mr Last Year and going really well I've been debating them being introduced sooner rather than later. I think it's your choice. If, like me, you can see some longevity in the relationship then I've been really questioning what is the actual harm here? I have no intention of introducing a string of men to my children. But right now I am thinking that I might bring Mr LY round one evening and let the kids meet him. Not immediately but in the foreseeable future...

Hey can I join? Been using pof but had my share of unsuitables and one major heartbreak from it.

Are any sites out there more likely to attract more serious people? I just want to meet a gentleman! Old fashioned nice guy gentleman... pof seems to be players/catfish lately

Wow, that is exciting runs! And I agree with lost - he asked for your number so I'd wait for him to initiate contact.

dodos I really don't think there is such a site that is perfect otherwise we'd all be on it! Every site has it's players. Every site has it's genuine daters. It really is a case of ploughing through the dross until you find someone who is perfect for you.

Paid sites vs unpaid sites.... you usually find the same people on both. I certainly have never had much luck with paid sites. I like Tinder and POF. Both have their flaws but both have a lot of traffic. It's basically a numbers game with a lot of luck thrown in too!