Break Out The Red Flag Bunting, It's Dating Thread 131

[VetOnCall]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

I’ve hidden my profile on POF, deleted the apps from my phone and am spending the weekend with a close friend from Uni, who has reminded me that there’s more to my life than being propositioned by large breasted geriatric men holding fish. So they can fuck off for a while.

Plus we've just watched a film on Cecil Beaton and I am feeling much better as a result 👍🏻

Hope any dates this weekend go well, will catch up tomoz.

Does everyone kiss with their teeth these days??
Ahem
Ok so the date with Ms Sax went well and I didn't explode, and there was a lot of kissing. But... I'm just not sure... We have loads in common and agree on a lot. She doesn't like my favourite film (and the best film in the whole world so she's clearly wrong) but we can work on that XD. But... Yeah I dunno. Third date agreed for Monday (I kept my diary open!) should I see how that goes? At what point do you decide whether it's got legs or not?

@popcorn I'm 34 and I've been getting chin hairs for at least 10 years. Been able to grow a wispy tache since puberty too XD so you're definitely not alone. One of my worst memories of uni is unsuccessfully waxing my lip and having my best friend remove said wax and subsequent infection damn I am a catch...

Think my comment has been taken a bit out of perspective. You can still be open without telling someone your entire life story. It's a balance isn't it? Providing a bit of intrigue - that's all.

I'm with bant on this. Why play games and withhold stuff about yourself when you effectively are trying to "sell" yourself? I mean that in a good way, but after all we are all old in the hope of meeting someone nice, decent, honest. Perhaps if there were hundreds to choose from, withholding bits about you might be acceptable, a bit of a game but man, when pickings are so slim, if I am on a date I'm happy to answer and share any information they ask in their quest to get to know me more. Visa versa if I ask questions I like them to be answered.....

I've never read any of those WMLB type books. Never intend to. I have confidence in my own judgement on how to handle situations and would never take blanket advice from someone who doesn't know me, or the other person.

Bant Perhaps you should give up shaving for a few weeks; I've always believed that the ladies like the unshaved look

I only meet for a drink or coffee on a first date change. As said, I don't believe everyone has the right to know everything about me. You can still be open and honest without wearing your heart on your sleeve.

Find it really interesting what different approaches we all have though!

Absolutely falcon we all do things differently. We should all say what works for us, then put all those tips together and we should be guaranteed success!

That's the great thing about this thread - the amusement for sure BUT also all the ways that people handle it all . It's given me useful ideas/attitudes and thoughts on the subject.

There’s got to be a certain amount of openness on dates - I find interesting and inquisitive people attractive but saying that someone who rambles all night about what they’ve done and where they’ve been or someone who wants to know relationship history in detail or day to day living details are definite red flags - very subtle differences that can either make you like them more or all bets are off!! It’s all one big psychology experiment 😂

Vet I love that, might draw it on the kitchen whiteboard to make the kids laugh (actually that may scare them so I won't!)
Hope consultant is up for meeting out of work, keep us posted :)
As for the open/ mystery debate, I have no secrets and no issue with answering questions, however they would probably run a mile hearing my life story so I keep it brief in case they wrongly assume I am covering up a nervous breakdown or something :)
Kitten doesn't sound like you have the hots for Ms Sax, I would be tempted to call it a day after date three if you still feel 'meh'.
Still not sure what's happening with Mr Local, we are seeing quite a bit of each other, its definitely exclusive (well as sure as I can be but he doesn't have much free time out of work and appears to have deleted dating profiles) but both reluctant to define it in any way, just enjoying sporadic meetings as and when life allows for either sex, coffee or just a quick hi. Kind of suits me for now and have made no promises for future, just enjoying the moment.
Enjoy catching up with your friend Cover and the gig a month plan sounds great, would be nice to meet one of 'your type' there but if you don't you're enjoying some great music and won't give a shit!
Bant we are tricky creatures I agree, it's a fine line between intriguing / manipulative or interested / needy and feelings can change in an instant as someone crosses that line.
Just written then deleted a further paragraph on this topic as I sounded like a pretentious twat, so I will stop trying to be wise and go and do a food shop which would be much more useful!

Got a date on Monday - Mr very local - but a couple of red flags are flying - under profession he has said not at the moment and even redder - when I said how much I dislike going to our local shopping centre - he said yes it's full of foreigners- I said no I just hate shopping ummm

Still nothing from Mr TV. Do I contact or just walk away head held high?

val - are you sure it's not Nigel farage?

oh dear Val i wouldnt even bother meeting him after that comment! and he doesnt work either? nope.

so im supposed to be seeing MrF tonight but he text saying he isnt feeling well, and that there might not be any MB, and asked me if thats ok?

very confusing

Tom have you contacted Mr TV since your date? If you haven't then it might be worth a quick text asking how he is. Otherwise I would leave it.

Val Mr very local doesn't sound very nice. Lack of profession/job wouldn't put me off straightaway until I knew more. But he foreigners comment would.

I have a mystery. About a month ago I was chatting on POF with someone who seemed nice. We exchanged numbers but never set a date, not sure why now and then we stopped messaging. He never replied to my last message so I assumed he wasn't interested.

Last weekend he messaged me again on POF asking how I was. I asked why he'd never replied and he claimed he never got the message. He also said he was leaving POF as he was fed up with the fakes and liars on there. I asked if he still had my number and he said yes. I've deleted his.

We arranged a date for yesterday evening and I assumed he'd be in touch during the week to fix time and place. But I heard nothing. I messaged him on POF but he hasn't been online all week so I guess he has left as he said.

I know, I know...if he wanted to meet me he would get in touch. But it all seems a little weird. And frustratingly nothing I can do about it as I don't have his number.

runs I sent the last message telling him I was ok, after he asked me how I was. It's now been 2 days. Part of me thinks that if he really likes me he will get in touch. It's so odd. He used to message every day.

Mr Camper (a bit of a weirdo and sends random messages that don’t make sense) asked me if I want to meet up next week, I told him I have my daughter home on half term and I don’t have any childcare, he replied with ‘ok, let me know’ ,he then asked what I was doing tonight, I said “looking after my kids, my cars broken so I can’t go anywhere”, he replied with “do you want to meet up?” At this point I don’t know wether to laugh or cry so I replied with “how, my kids don’t come with batteries I can take out and I can’t magiclly fix my car?”.

Smeaton your date sounds a little odd. I can understand if she didn't want to meet your kid but surely most people would assume that parents have joint custody she would be with you sometimes.

My friend's boyfriend (who I've never met) looked at my profile last night and showed it to his mates. And their collective wisdom on what I should do........"dunno, she looks hot. She must have lots of dates". Thanks guys but the men round here don't seem to think so. Cave living seems like a good idea

Tom I think you should walk away. You are right. He knows where you are and would contact you if he wanted to.

smeaton I’m shocked that she would assume you don’t spend time with your child. I don’t want to date someone with young children, I make that clear from the start, my ex dh had young children when we got together and they were a huge part of my life, at first I assumed we lull just see them at the weekends but it wasn’t like that at all, their mother was on the phone most dats because one of them had misbehaved or was upset or she needed money so even when he wasn’t with them there was daily involvement. I don’t think some women realise this when dating a man with children. I love kids, I’m pretty good with them but I wouldn’t want to take on someone with young children as I know it’s not easy (as I have done it before) and because I’m just starting to have some freedom now mine are getting older. I would never say ‘I don’t really like children’

smeaton there are quite a few single dads (that have their dc’s full time) on POF, I come across loads. Surely these woman know you have a daughter before you meet so I don’t understand why they bother meeting if they ‘don’t like kids’, maybe they are just after a free drink or a meal with no intention of a longtearm relationship?
I have had many irons disappear when I tell them that my dd’s Have autism, they know I have kids but as soon as they know my kids have something wrong with them (there’s nothing wrong with them) they are not interested. Just shows what type of person they are.
There’s going to women who don’t want to date someone with kids but they should be open about this from the start, not continue to go on a date with you in hope you can hide your child in a cupboard.

Blimey Smeaton you've had bad luck on the child friendliness front recently. That one sounds like a real peach!

Tom I wouldn't message him again but that's just me. I figure if I have to chase them it ain't going to work.

Apart from Mr DiamondMine I have 3 irons but I don't think 2 of them are going to go any further than messaging. They both messaged me first on POF and although they're both nice I don't think I have a huge amount in common with either. They both say they love to travel but I think they mean they like going on sun holidays, not trekking through the backblocks of Latin America and Asia or living in a tent for a month on a climbing trip. One of them has an apartment in Marbella and the other one is going to Dubai tomorrow for a week... if I had to make a list of all the places in the world I would least like to go to both of those would be in the first 5. Nothing wrong with it (well, quite a lot wrong with Dubai) but it's just not me, I couldn't be less of a Marbs type if I tried. I'm really struggling to find decent, compatible irons just now so prepare to budge up in that cave.