I have decided to end my relationship - help me see this through

[Thisisanewbeginning]

So I am 42, due to be married this July. I have finally made the decision to end my relationship.

‘D’P is I believe a master at coercive control and emotional manipulation. He has anger issues and has never been violent to me. But he has kicked objects etc.

He belittles me, sulks, is demanding food r attention. Does nothing at home (and it’s all my fault).

Conversely he can be funny, affectionate, life and soul of a party, and ‘normal’.

I feel like I am on a wheel and I never know who I’m coming home to. Since we had a joint account (which we both put money into) I get grilled about what I’ve spent. I get accused of being reckless with money (it’s usually food). He has asked repeatedly about having my salary transferred into this account and he controls all of the money. This is because I can’t be trusted.

He wants to live a lifestyle beyond our means and we are scrimping to afford it. I have a mental health problem (depression or possibly bipolar) and I’m due for my first consultation appointment next month. I’m also in counselling.

I am not happy but I feel incredibly guilty. I own the house, car etc. I will be leaving him with nothing. He will not understand and this will be a bolt out of the blue.

I need a handhold over the next few weeks. Sorry for the essay!

Well done @Thisisanewbeginning you're bloody amazing! 🥂

Woohoo well done!!

Well done op
So happy for you

So delighted for you. Brave woman. Well done. Xxx

Brilliantly handled OP. Thrilled and hugely relieved for you. You may find that the only sadness you feel is for yourself in terms of what you went through. But you should seriously be proud of yourself! Whoop!

Just spoke to DSS’s mum. I’m going for tea on Monday to hers. She said DSS loves me and is scared of his dad. She still wants him to have contact with me. Whether or not that actually happens is up to DSS but a lovely gesture

I’m being bombarded with messages I’m ignoring them

Delurking to say well done! You had such fabulous advice that I didn't feel that I had anything extra to contribute but I'm you 20 years down the line. The next bit is going to be difficult but the hardest bit is done. You may well have times where you wonder if you have done the right thing, YOU HAVE! stay strong and don't put up with any crap from him, you owe him nothing. Xxx

DSS' mum sounds like a top woman

How lovely that you can still be part of dss life.

He is now threatening suicide. His choice. Not my responsibility.

It’s all a part of The game plan to guilt you into letting him back. Completely ignore everything he says. Well done you! Start of your new life! Xx

You are right, if he wants to end it, it's his choice.

He's really following the script!

Whoop!

Well done @Thisisanewbeginning what a fantastic update. So pleased for you.

If you're feeling so inclined, consider messaging him that you don't want further contact. Personally, I'd skip straight to blocking him from any (all?) comms.

Cancel that wedding ...and the cheque!
(Couldn't resist )

Well done you!! It says it all when your ss mum wants YOU to be the one that stays in his life. Enjoy your new found freedom

Woop well done OP don’t be surprised if you don’t feel sad.. I kept expectation by to feel sad after I kicked my ex out but it never came sometimes you just know it’s the right thing to do

Wow well done. Enjoy being free to live without the constant anxiety! How do you feel? I was about to say to be prepared for the suicide threats, but I see he's already beaten me to it. Huge huge congratulations, you should be so proud.

Well done!

Geez straight off the script!

😁💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉😁

You are correct. His personal choices now are nothing to do with you and not your responsibility. Where/if/how how he lives are all his decisions.

You. Are. Free. 🎉

Are you ignoring his messages? I'd turn off your phone and go somewhere nice for the day.

Omg, op, you are so damned inspirational!!! Love that you did the broken record technique as suggested!!Hope you have people with you this weekend just in case he turns up. There merest hint of trouble call the police and in the meantime block him on everything and arrange to drop any of his crap at his parents/friends.

With regard to his son not sure if it is a good idea to keep in contact as your ex will definately expoit that to stay around. I am sure his previous ex would understand.
Take care of yourself op, been lurking on your thread since the start and hearing you sticking to your guns has genuinely made my day.!

Fantastic news. Really well done

I have been reading but not responding. All I have said is that he needs to arrange to remove his furniture.

I’ve cancelled the holiday. Got my money back for the wedding rings. My dad is here and packing stuff in binbags. I’m exhausted and just want to sleep.