A couple of things not adding up

[SpringBranches]

I have been with my DP for 6 years. Long time mumsnetter but name changed for this. Last night we were sitting on the sofa together watching TV and he had his phone out flicking through messages. I saw he was on a WhatsApp group chat with some friends and they had posted a gif of a girl with huge boobs which made me feel a bit weird because had not though DP would be so juvenile.

So when he went to the loo I picked up his phone. I have never done this before because I consider it to be his business, but I know his passcode from using his phone before. His camera roll had a couple of quite porny images that shocked me because I had not thought he was like that. Of girls being spanked and blow job images.

But there was also a WhatsApp from an unsaved number saying Hope you had a good week but with 😘😘😘 at the end.

I really have no reason to think badly if him apart from this, but it has put me on edge a bit

The porny pics and silly pics from his mates wouldn’t bother me, some men can be quite juvenile and act a certain way around their mates. The message with the kisses would have me questioning.....can you not just ask him outright? I would.

The pictures are just probably lad stuff. My dh is on a what's app group and they are always sending daft and immature stuff to eachother. One mate of dh is really bad for it. Any pics that dh gets sent will automatically save to his camera roll. You can turn this option off. Don't automatically assume that these pictures are from your oh, if they are from what's app and been sent to him, they have more than likely been automatically saved to his phone camera roll.

The message with 😘😘😘 is your main concern here. Total red flag. Sorry op, hope you manage to sort it and it turns out to be a reasonable explanation.

Also just to add, when people send pictures through WhatsApp, they automatically get saved to your camera roll, so quite possibly have been sent by his mates just messing around. Just realised you said you looked at his phone without him knowing but I would still question it, I’m quite no nonsense and straight to the point though.

Men like Pervy sex this is why many attached men use prostitution as they’re partners won’t do kinky stuff - I will say SOME. Not all obviously but most like BJ my husband has an addiction to them zzzzz

Porn I’d say most men love it and it’s nirmal I used to hate my ex looking at porn as he cheated so it made me insecure but my husband can look as much as he likes.

Tbh that message does seem odd but your stuck now at the age old thing
You’ve not trusted him so you’ve looked in his private space and found something ! How can you confront him ?
Well you could say can I have your phone for something god knows what you’ll say as an excuse but you know you and him then say you used his Watsapp - delete yours for that moment say it kept crashing say you watsapped a friend I don’t know then you have an excuse to say you sa that message

The prob thing let go jtvheakthy and normal but the message isn’t right.

My ex cheated on me I found out by using his phone innocently a text cane through when I was texting someone and I was pregnant that’s why he’s an ex
I hope it’s all innocent

Did the WhatsApp contact have a picture?

Thanks all. I wouldn’t be too fazed by the images, but the text worried me. He is not protective of his phone though. Not sure what to do, if I should try and look at it again or what? Just feel really unsettled by the combination of things. Not what I would have expected of him. Sorry if this is not making much sense!

Was it a recent message? Did you see when it was sent?

I didn’t check for WhatsApp photo. Wish I had!

It was top of his WhatsApp inbox so would assume that means most recent?

Did you get a note of the number? I'd Google it x

I’d get the number and ring it and ask the person so they known * his name” but once you step into this he may kick off and end it.

You’d not have an in named message with kiss faces on usually unless cheating but it could be an old number of someone who’s now got a new number hence no name
It maybe his mate mucking around

Take a photo of the message and then he can’t deny what you saw

Thing is most people hide evidence of cheating so seems odd

He’s gone out now and taken his phone with him. Hate feeling on edge like this. Have looked at the iPad which is synced to his iPhone but nothing in his text messages to give me pause

Didn’t get a note of the number unfortunately. I just had a quick crafty look at his phone because I know his passcode

Don’t think you can get WhatsApp on iPads?

Try get another look. I know you think it's an invasion of privacy which it is but your gonna drive yourself nuts if you don't look. I think he seems pretty genuine though. First sign of cheating is changing a passcode. Second sign is not leaving the phone for a second within your reach.

Fingers crossed it's just a misunderstanding. Possibly one of his mates messing around. Lad banter/bromances etc

Well get him drunk
Hey husbohine when he goes toilet
Find said message
Message back to the message

Wait and see if it gets a reply

Take note of number

Your a better person than me I’d if aak for his phone to use them said hey I went to use your Watsapp as mine crashed and saw this

But I’m old and won’t live with anxiety Of is he again

I would check the photo in the whatsapp picture. Or make a note of the number, maybe add it to my contacts and check the whatsapp picture that way - if you add it to your contacts you can also sync contacts with Facebook and it may come up with their FB profile. That way you can see who they are.

The porn images are unfortunately what guys do. The fact they are saved to his camera roll is just how his settings are. The kissing message, that's a worry. Just keep a monitor on it. Hugs xx

the whatsapp images from others tuen up on your camera roll - so not him necessarily.

im not the jealous type. if dh thinks he can do better then i hope the ddoor doesn't hit him on the arse on the way out - he knows this so i would be straight up asking "who the fk is sending you kisses and asking about your week"

i wouldn't stew on it

Thanks all. I am stewing on it and practically climbing the walls! I just want to call him and say what is that message in your WhatsApp? But then I would have to say I had been through his messages

I hate objectification and ‘lads’ (ie grown men who think they are entitled to use women’s bodies on whatever way they choose). I would be furious if my partner was sending and saving images like this.

You don’t have to get on board with this shit and agree to keep normalising it.

You can say: I saw you sending a porny image and it shocked me and made me doubt you. It made me check your phone to see if there were more images and I found this text.

Wtf is going on?!

If this angers him - if he feels he is so entitled to basically sext his mates and have a virtual circle jerk - then you need to get to know him better.

Lol it’s normal for men to look at naked women and some naked men if gay ? If your caging your partners then what they can’t and can do your asking for trouble

What do you think he’s never been to a lap dancing club or regularly looked at porn ???? 😂

No don't ask him, if you do, he will delete it and then you will never know - if he has something to hide that is. I suppose you could ask him and he could have a reasonable explanation but even then, you still wouldn't know. Patience is key at the min as much as a killer that is for you

Yes, I do feel a bit odd about the images too. I just never would have thought it of him. We are in our 30s and have a great sex life but have never known him to be into this laddy type of image.

He follows a few page 3 type girls on Instagram which has always irritated me a bit but I could let that slide on its own. But knowing he also has porny photos on his phone adds to it