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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

A couple of things not adding up

76 replies

SpringBranches · 10/03/2018 10:04

I have been with my DP for 6 years. Long time mumsnetter but name changed for this. Last night we were sitting on the sofa together watching TV and he had his phone out flicking through messages. I saw he was on a WhatsApp group chat with some friends and they had posted a gif of a girl with huge boobs which made me feel a bit weird because had not though DP would be so juvenile.

So when he went to the loo I picked up his phone. I have never done this before because I consider it to be his business, but I know his passcode from using his phone before. His camera roll had a couple of quite porny images that shocked me because I had not thought he was like that. Of girls being spanked and blow job images.

But there was also a WhatsApp from an unsaved number saying Hope you had a good week but with 😘😘😘 at the end.

I really have no reason to think badly if him apart from this, but it has put me on edge a bit

OP posts:

newnamechange1 · 10/03/2018 10:59

That's not helpful @AtrociousCircumstance. And ridiculous. For a start, you cannot help who sends you messages. They are automatically saved to his phone - he isn't saving them. These are his mates just having a laugh. You can guarantee it won't always be around women. It will be people falling over, toilet jokes, people just being daft in general.

Secondly women can be just as bad.

averageguy1 · 10/03/2018 11:05

I am not sure about the whattsapp message but i have three friends who regularly send porn /funny/silly messages to our group of friends , i dont bother with them and have asked all three to stop because i am not interested in them (1 has stopped) . As previously said they save on my phone and i then have to mess about deleting them 🙄

gonnabreakmyrustycage · 10/03/2018 11:07

And no, not all men go to lap dancing clubs. I would get take a picture of the message and save the number on my phone & google it too.

meme70 · 10/03/2018 11:07

Did I say All ????

Emma198 · 10/03/2018 11:25

If he receives a message on WhatsApp the pic will save automatically so it might just be that he hasn't deleted rather than he's saved it on purpose. How old was the message? To be fair if he leaves his phone about and his iPad which is linked to his phone i really don't think you have anything to worry about he doesn't sound like a cheater.

turnaroundbrighteyes · 10/03/2018 11:28

Could it have been sent to the group not just him? That wouldnt seem as bad

StarlightSparkle · 10/03/2018 11:31

I’d probably try to sneak another look at his phone, to see whether he replied. If the message has disappeared / been deleted that would make me suspicious. Has he given you any other reason to be suspect him or is it just this one message?

Whisky2014 · 10/03/2018 11:35

You need to get the WhatsApp message and find out the number. Call the number and see who answers or Google the number. Definitely suspicious. Do not tell him yet

Aria2015 · 10/03/2018 11:37

I wouldn't worry too much about the images. My dh is an immature Idiot when around his friends. He's not like that with me at all though. I think men do a lot of stuff just to fall in line with the others in a group, honestly if you read my dh's WhatsApp messages to his mates you'd think they were 14 not nearly 40! It's so cringe! I'd maybe just ask him about the message. I know it would mean having to confess you looked in the first place but it would hopefully put your mind at rest.

newnamechange1 · 10/03/2018 11:37

Also put the number into Facebook too

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 10/03/2018 11:43

Don't ask him about the msg , if something untoward is going on it will just make him more careful about covering his tracks . Do you have access to his phone bill? Any late night phone calls?

Maybe try and access his phone again to have further look at the number , take a note of it and try find out who this number belongs too.

You can type the number into Facebook search bar and sometimes the number is linked to a profile .

That message would make me feel uneasy tbh . Hope you get to the bottom of things xxx

AtrociousCircumstance · 10/03/2018 12:01

OP you don’t have to accept porn use as ‘normal’. Porn is a social construct - apologists behave as if it’s natural and real.

Porn actresses have to take drugs to stop the sex they perform hurting them too much. A lot of them are childhood victims of abuse.

Sex and beauty and nakendness is all gorgeous and wonderful - until control, money, male power and abuse is involved.

The porn industry is about that control and abuse. It distorts what men expect from sex and what women feel they have to put up with.

FinallyHere · 10/03/2018 12:22

Men like Pervy sex

@meme70 Generalisation much?

Chippyway · 10/03/2018 12:39

Get the number and put it into Facebook search bar. If she’s on fb it’ll come up with her profile

Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname · 10/03/2018 14:29

You can put WhatsApp onto your laptop or iPad ( and it is official /part of whatsapp) using their desktop version but once you come out of it on your phone then it closes on those as well. Yes you need to use the phone in tandem with the iPad .

Wherearemymarbles · 10/03/2018 19:33

DO you have a pc? You can download whats app and see messages but you need access long enough to scan the code- bascillu point the camera at the screen.

notapizzaeater · 10/03/2018 19:41

Have you looked in pictures on the iPad ? My what's app photos where saved to my photos till I switched it off.

Original poster

SpringBranches · 13/03/2018 08:52

I asked him about the text message and he said it was his friend from work sent in error to him and meant for her partner

OP posts:

Happydays9 · 13/03/2018 09:00

Not saying it will be the case, my dp (man) sends those kisses and hearts to his guy friends all the time. So could be that.

MyRelationshipIsWeird · 13/03/2018 09:12

“Did you have a good week?” meant for her partner? What sort of partner doesn’t talk to their other half for a week?!

HotCrossBun12 · 13/03/2018 09:21

OP, that excuse sounds proper dodgy

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 13/03/2018 09:24

Echo what @MyRelationshipIsWeird said.

StarlightSparkle · 13/03/2018 13:32

Where was the ‘oops sorry, wrong person!’ text? Agree with PPs it sounds a bit dodgy that someone would send a text like that to their dp.

PrettyLittIeThing · 13/03/2018 13:56

Well you should have taken the advice pp gave than asking him outright. Did you really expect him to admit anything? Oh well.. He will just get better at hiding it now

newnamechange1 · 13/03/2018 14:18

Agree with previous pp's. Its going to be very hard for you to get to the bottom of it now. He knows you're onto him so will work harder to cover his tracks. He's literally just said the first thing that's come to mind when quizzed. Sorry op, you needed to look again and dig some more. Not ask him.

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