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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

A couple of things not adding up

76 replies

SpringBranches · 10/03/2018 10:04

I have been with my DP for 6 years. Long time mumsnetter but name changed for this. Last night we were sitting on the sofa together watching TV and he had his phone out flicking through messages. I saw he was on a WhatsApp group chat with some friends and they had posted a gif of a girl with huge boobs which made me feel a bit weird because had not though DP would be so juvenile.

So when he went to the loo I picked up his phone. I have never done this before because I consider it to be his business, but I know his passcode from using his phone before. His camera roll had a couple of quite porny images that shocked me because I had not thought he was like that. Of girls being spanked and blow job images.

But there was also a WhatsApp from an unsaved number saying Hope you had a good week but with 😘😘😘 at the end.

I really have no reason to think badly if him apart from this, but it has put me on edge a bit

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 13/03/2018 14:22

Oh dear.

No, you don't ask your own partner if they've had a good week.

miaows · 13/03/2018 15:15

I would be very suspicious of his answer. It is very hard to send wrong whatsapp to someone. He will cover his tracks. Honestly especially with the pathetic excuse you need to start digging.

Lacoba66 · 13/03/2018 16:30

I’m a little Hmm as well. If she is his friend at work and has his number saved in her phone, then why would he not have saved hers under her name?

Cambionome · 13/03/2018 16:47

Some people on here have incredibly low standards.

"Men like pervy stuff" and "my husband is an immature idiot "... and you accept this as reasonable behaviour? Confused

MickHucknallspinkpancakes · 13/03/2018 16:58

Yes But to be fair @Cambionome pervy sex was later described as a blow job.

If that's the definition of pervy I'd be a complete degenerate.

Question is Op, you've had an answer - did it satisfy you and do you believe him?

aftertheevent · 13/03/2018 17:28

Not the old message sent in error nonsense....hes lying. So now you know he doesn't want you to know who it was.

aftertheevent · 13/03/2018 17:30

And you now know it could be somebody he only sees at weekends or someone at work who is away.

newnamechange1 · 13/03/2018 17:33

There's so many valid points people have made here.

Why wasn't the number saved if it was a friend?
Why wasn't there a 'sorry sent that to the wrong person?' message following the one that was an accident?
Why ask a partner if they've had a good week? If they are together, surely they will speak every day. Or often at least if it's the start of a relationship.

It just doesn't add up, question is, what does op do now? We all suggested further digging but now that's going to be tricky.

See if he's changed his passcode on his phone would be my first thing to check now

vanessafinesse · 14/03/2018 01:47

This reply has been deleted

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Italiangreyhound · 14/03/2018 02:06

Porn is normal? How fucking sad.

Dolphin321 · 14/03/2018 02:08

You need get hold of the number. If u ask him and it is something sinister hes just going to lie about it any way so asking is pointlesd unless hes a very honest person

PastaOfMuppets · 14/03/2018 03:32

He has deleted his msgs to her which is a bad sign. His excuse is nonsense. You'll need to get the number to work out who she is as clearly your DP is lying to you. Sorry OP.

AbsolutelyCorking · 14/03/2018 04:22

Porn is not normal and not all men watch it Hmm don’t accept this behaviour from him OP. It would be a dealbreaker for me.

Bluebelle38 · 14/03/2018 04:39

I sent a WhatsApp message to a friend by mistake yesterday on WhatsApp. I was meaning to send to my partner, luckily it was just about Netflix. Just saying....

StarlightSparkle · 14/03/2018 06:27

Bluebell, did you acknowledge your mistake to your friend?

PastaOfMuppets · 14/03/2018 06:41

Bluebell, is your friend saved as a WhatsApp contact, and is your erroneous msg the only msg in the conversation thread between you?

Bluebelle38 · 14/03/2018 07:51

I did because I realised straight away. If I'd sent it and not realised the mistake , I wouldn't have acknowledged it. This friend is in my contacts.

ems137 · 14/03/2018 07:56

Her partner that she hasn't seen for a week?!

If I'd have sent that message to someone by mistake I'd have messaged them back pretty quickly to say "oops sorry, wrong person" or such like.

Bluebelle38 · 14/03/2018 08:04

And if you sent the message off and forgot about it? I'm not saying it isn't dodgy just stating it could be innocent. I once had a partner save his ex under a make name (he's clearly an ex of mine now). If it was the first message, it was either the start of something or a mistake. Only wy to know for sure would have been to message the number with a plan to suss out more.

Bluebelle38 · 14/03/2018 08:10

Male* name

ShowerGel9 · 14/03/2018 08:14

Yeah where was his reply?

Sorry OP. This doesn't sound good to me either.

StarlightSparkle · 14/03/2018 08:26

I think on WhatsApp it’s less likely you’d make a mistake and not realise as when you next went into to send a message it would be on that conversation and you’d notice?

Also it’s unlikely you’d accidentally send a message to someone you’d never messaged before as there would be no existing conversation. It was the only message from this person on his whatsapp so either they’d never messaged before or he has deleted previous messages. Sounds fishy to me.

SandyY2K · 14/03/2018 08:38

You would have been better off watching to see if any other messages came in.

Now he knows what you've seen and they'll be extra careful if there is anything going on.

Champagneandthestars · 14/03/2018 11:21

My DH very normal and elderly UNCLE sent him a really indecent video the other day (he sent it to all his male friends on FB - DH and uncle speak twice a year if that!) DH was shocked and showed me in a bemused manner. It might not be him actively doing anything, he just might have a pervy friend who send them. And the whole 'men can use women as they like' there are a lot of women who would be out of a job if some men didn't ogle them! Women aren't always victims.

AtrociousCircumstance · 14/03/2018 16:22

His excuse sounds like bullshit OP.