Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why are men so shit?

84 replies

Quiddichcup · 04/03/2018 08:54

And i know it's not all men, but from a single woman's perspective, it seems to be a high percentage.

I was meant to be meeting a man for lunch yesterday. I know him from real life. No time had been set. It got to 10.30am and I just text to say as I hadn't heard from him I was assuming it was off and let's just leave it.
We have been trying to meet up for a while but it's not happened due to work and holidays, or at least I thought it was that.

He eventually replies to say he was going to text me when he got home. Which still would have been after we were due to meet, and that he's just been busy. I replied with ' me Too' and wont ever converse with him again.

But it's draining. I had sorted chilcare, got a nice outfit together, done my hair so i was ready.

I'm not even bothered over him , it's more the dis-respect and casual dis- regard of me and my time. And it just pushes me further away from even putting myself out there.

This happened with another guy from real life just a few months ago. In the end I did call him on it and he said sorry and even now he keeps messaging me his number if I want to go out. Which I don't, and have said so..

I just don't understand.

OP posts:
ALittleBitConfused1 · 04/03/2018 09:09

I just think the whole dating thing is so casual now days that it makes it so much harder.
Before everyone had a million different ways to contact each other you set a date, a time, a place and just bloody turned up. Now it's like oh we'll do something on this day we'll arrange the details on the day. Which makes it harder not easier, there's no effort.
I also think most men don't even consider the effort single parents have to put in, as you say it's not just about arranging a date it's childcare etc etc. It's near on impossible to just go out last minute/short notice in this situation.
When someone suggests a date/meet up my advice would be not to leave it open ended. Yeah that would be nice, I can do lunch/coffee/drinks on that day shall we say 12 at x place.
On a positive note op this is obviously one of those men who think it's perfectly acceptable to put 0 effort in and expects someone to wait around until he finds two minutes to text and confirm (because it takes soooooo much time to send a text) so looks like you found out nice and early that he isn't worth the bother

Purplerain101 · 04/03/2018 09:18

Don’t leave it open ended next time and say something like “let’s meet at 12 at such and such place and i’ll confirm with you a few hours before”.
On the day of the date if you haven’t heard anything by the time you’re going to start getting ready then send a text saying you’re just checking he’s still ok for 12. If you hear nothing back and it gets to an hour before you’re due to meet then I would just assume he’s flakey or changed his mind and i’d send him a brief text saying something like “guess you’re not still free at 12 then?” I’d then forget about him and move on as I wouldn’t want to be dating someone like that anyway where it’s such hard work.

You have my full sympathies as before I met my partner it was a minefield trying to find someone who wasn’t a complete prick!

Whisky2014 · 04/03/2018 09:20

Well why didn't you arrange a time?

rumred · 04/03/2018 09:22

Trust me it's a human thing. Lots of women also ghost and mess you around

NameChanger22 · 04/03/2018 09:25

Just don't bother. Life is better without men. We've just been conditioned to think otherwise.

Original poster
Quiddichcup · 04/03/2018 09:27

I didn't arrange an exact time, but he didn't either.

I was the one who messaged him this time and he said about meeting up. I said I was free Sat lunch time and he said ' hurrah and then never said any thing further.

Because this has happened with him before, I left it. I see him at work and don't want to embarrass myself.

It's obvious that he isn't into me because if he had wanted to see me he would have set a time. But it still hurts.

OP posts:
demirose87 · 04/03/2018 09:29

It's women too who behave like this. I wouldn't give up on men just yet. You just need to find one more on your wavelength and wanting the same as you.

Whisky2014 · 04/03/2018 09:32

I said I was free Sat lunch time and he said ' hurrah and then never said any thing further
Right so if neither of you arrange it what do you think is going to happen?
Why did you even get ready? Nothing had been arranged. This is bizarre.

COMMUNICATE PEOPLE

Costacoffeeplease · 04/03/2018 09:39

But nothing had been arranged? Confused

Original poster
Quiddichcup · 04/03/2018 09:41

I got half ready in case. I took the hurrah as an agreement.

Maybe that was wrong of me.

OP posts:
Whisky2014 · 04/03/2018 09:41

It's just so weird. "We didnt arrange anything so we didn't meet up". Doesn't take a scientist ...

Whisky2014 · 04/03/2018 09:41

It was an agreement but not an arrangement.

Ivelosteverything · 04/03/2018 09:43

Men are shit... ok. Of course we are.

ScreamingValenta · 04/03/2018 09:44

I'd have taken 'hurrah' as agreement too. How else were you supposed to interpret it? It in no way translates to 'sorry, I'm busy then' or 'actually, I've changed my mind about meeting up'.

Original poster
Quiddichcup · 04/03/2018 09:45

He said he was working but I could go say hi if I was free.

I said I was free and we could have lunch or a coffee as I was free around that time.

He said hurrah.

I took that as meaning we were going to meet sat lunch time ish and thought he would let me know what time his break was going to be, which is why I half got ready.

Maybe I'm just stupid then and that doesn't mean that at all. But I'm not sure how else to take it.

OP posts:
FiveGoMadInDorset · 04/03/2018 09:45

Definitely agreement but why didn't you then text and arrange a time and place?

Original poster
Quiddichcup · 04/03/2018 09:50

Because he was going to be at work.

I know the location, his work.

He wouldn't know his break times till the day so it couldn't be a fixed time.

The ball had to be left in his court. And he didn't message me. So that says it all.

OP posts:
CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 04/03/2018 09:50

Tbh I'd have taken "I'm working but..." as not really interested.

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 04/03/2018 09:50

But I would have been annoyed in your shoes, too!

Costacoffeeplease · 04/03/2018 09:59

Did you not ask him to let you know when he knew when his break would be?

magoria · 04/03/2018 10:02

So you knew he was working, he said he was going to call you after his work, neither of you set a definite tine, I don't see the problem.

Original poster
Quiddichcup · 04/03/2018 10:07

He said he was going to call me after work, this was after I messaged to say I was presuming lunch wasn't on.

He just said he had been busy.

I replied with ' me Too ' and again I've heard nothing at all from him since that.

Which to me seems like he's nor fussed and never was so I don't think any amount of me propmting him about break times would have changed.

OP posts:
Cricrichan · 04/03/2018 10:13

He told you he was working but he's call you when he was free...which he did?

Whisky2014 · 04/03/2018 10:15

As I said....communication. It's not difficult.

Original poster
Quiddichcup · 04/03/2018 10:18

He asked if I was free over the weekend. I said I was going to be for some of it.

He said he was working but said I could come and say hi

I said I was free Sat lunch time ish as we could finally have that lunch

He said hurrah

By 10.30am I had not heard from him since the texts on thur so text him to say I presumed it wasn't happening.

At 4pm he text to say he was planning on texting when he got home. This still would have been after we were going to meet.

Am I just being thick then? How am I reading the messages wrong?

OP posts: