Bulls*it & blocked

[SM2018]

Morning guys,

Hope the snow isn’t causing too much chaos for you all.

Bit of a rant post and I just need some handholding I think, just some conformation I’ve done the right thing.

So basically, fell in love with a boy 🙄 happened all very fast, both of us got cold feet, he asked for couple months to get himself straight with work and new House... all fine, I needed some space to get my head straight aswell and come to terms with how incredible this man was and how not to mess it up.

However

Couple messages went back and forth over last few weeks, I suggested going for dinner and by the end of it all I wasn’t getting any response and had been ghosted.

Fast forward a couple more weeks and I sent a perfectly polite message saying if he’s not interested and doesn’t want to see me again can he just tell me straight. Again no answer.

So last night after several bottles of wine while having a laugh with my mates one of them stumbled across him on tinder... swiped right... they matched...

I called him out on it saying

“Matching with my best mate on tinder, after swearing on your nephews life I was the girl of your dreams isnt cool. So wanted to believe you weren’t a f*ck boy”

(He’s very very close with said nephew by the way)

And then I get blocked just for calling him out on his shitty behaviour... I’m glad I’ve made him feel bad but don’t like being mean and not liked because I believe there is a reason behind the way people act, try not to jump to conclusions but I’ve given him sooooooo many opportunities to prove me wrong.

Just a bit of a crappy situation all round but I’m trying to be more true myself and not put up with crappy people.

Gutted but obvs not meant to be 😣.

Would you guys have done the same???

No it’s not op, ignoring someone is a lot easier than having a difficult conversation, that’s why he does it.

Ignoring someone is far easier, whether it be right or wrong. It’s only you who is making it difficult.

OP, you asked the question and we answered. You can choose to ignore the overwhelming majority view on here and continue to do the same in future relationships or take a moment to reflect on PPs reasons for not behaving the same way. It's up to you.

Yeah maybe I’ll just ghost someone next and be a bitch and not give any reason behind my decision that will
Make the other person feel great but as long as I’m ok who cares.

Nobody is saying it’s a nice thing to do op, don’t pretend we are.

No it’s done now isn’t it. Time to move on.

Hope everyone has a good evening.

Yeh it is actually a lot easier to just ignore people tbh. It doesn't take much work does it?

Do you really need a reason? This was short term. If you were given a reason it probably wouldn't be the truth anyway.

Being ghosted has obviously troubled you more than it would many others.

I'd much rather be ghosted than officially dumped. Those it's not you it's me conversations are excruciating!

Yep do that.

Are you a bit...-intense when dating??

No I don’t think so, it’s never been mentioned to me. He was doing the pursuing for a fair while before I agreed to go out with him. I wasn’t looking to date or get involved with anyone.

ghosting is rude and cowardly If I had been involved with someone I would give them the decency of saying whatever the issue may be, regardless how difficult that conversation may be. They then can move on without any bad feeling and no feelings are hurt.

Everyone’s different though so like you said earlier I can’t expect others to behave like I do.

Never mind worse things in the world happening.

I don't actually think he did anything really wrong apart from not be as interested in you and you were in.
There was nothing to call him out over. The fact that he'd ignored you for several weeks should have been a big enough clue. I'm really not surprised he blocked you I would have too!
Sure maybe he could have said the words 'I'm not interested' but maybe he thought you have got the hint.

the reason I cooled it off was because I’m not ready to be with anyone and felt he was too good to be put up with my stresses.

I don't thing you were wrong about that! The explanation in this post makes the whole thing even more bizarre!!

So YOU tell him you aren't interested?

How does this fit with your original post:

he asked for couple months to get himself straight with work and new House... all fine, I needed some space to get my head straight aswell and come to terms with how incredible this man was and how not to mess it up.

This made it sound like HE was asking for time and you went along with it because he was incredible.

But NOW you are saying it was your choice. Assuming that is correct - then look at it from his point of view:

You say you want to end it/want space. So he (being a gentleman) says - that's OK I too need space "to get my head straight with work and a new house". If it was your request, then him saying that is a polite way of accepting a dumping but trying to save face.

THEN you are asking him out for dinner? Having dumped him? No wonder he doesn't reply.

THEN you ask him why he doesn't just tell you he isn't interest BUT YOU were the one who cooled it off because you weren't ready for him to deal with your stresses.

SO he doesn't reply - reasonably figuring that you dumped him and now are messing around with him.

AND then you send him the fuck boy abuse.

If this new story is the right one, no wonder you haven't heard from him and I'm not shocked he blocked you.

None of this is very consistent or makes any sense but although I agree ghosting is rude, if you are being mucked about then it's fair enough. Either way I don't really know why you are posting about this at all - you aren't interested in him (either because you aren't ready for a relationship or because he's a rude ghoster) or he isn't interested in you (either because you dumped him or because he's the one who wanted space and then ignored you) so you need to forget it and move on.

Stop wasting mental energy on this.

Bless you OP. Ghosting is the worst. I had 3 dates with a guy that was lovely and we got on sooooo well. We talked all day had the exact same sense of humour. However for me i just didn't fancy him. The reason i went on more dates after the first one is to see if i could fancy him (it would grow) because we got on so well. However after the third date nothing changed romantically for me. I didn't want to suddenly stop messaging him or ghost him and have him feel awful as he was really into me. However i must admit I've been a bit of a coward. I continued to text him (whilst still dating/on tinder), but just stopped texting back as much in hopes it would fizzle out or he'd get the hint. I'd always reply but not make any plans to meet up or initiate conversation. In the end i just sent him a message saying that i wasn't ready to date/relationship due to issues with my past.
Complete lie really but i just couldn't bring myself to tell him i didn't fancy him and ruin his self esteem or ghost him and have him feeling rotten.

I'm not saying he didn't fancy you at all. What i guess I'm trying to say is, i can see how ghosting would be easy to do. Having the 'conversation' even after just 3 dates seemed unbearable and i kept putting it off until i just had to say something. Even though it was a bit of a porky i think it's much better to end something and give some closure, than it is to 'ghost'. Even though the conversation is awkward/ potentiality hurtful, it's the best way to go about it. But you must have some level of empathy to action this.

Hope you feel better soon OP, his loss.