Brave Babes (Hygge) Battle Bus: Snowed in and Drinking Hot Chocolate instead of wine

[SweetLathyrus]

Hi, I'm SweetLathyrus, Sweet for short, and I've been on and off Gerald the Brave Babes Battle Bus since 2014. Over the years, lots of us have maintained the thread, most of all the lovely Mouse, who has been here since the early days, and still scurries onboard when she can.

The bus is a place of support, safety and occasional silliness for those of us struggling with our relationship with alcohol. Some of us are sober, some are trying to be, some are moderating and aren't ready to give up alcohol just yet.

So whatever your reason for questioning the whys and WTFs of your drinking, hop on board, make yourselves comfortable and join in. Driers and Triers, all welcome.

2018 has been a busy year so far, lots of new travellers as well as old faces; if you want to read back on the journey through Dry or Dryer Jan and Feb so far, here's the link to the last thread

And in case you want to know how it all started, here is the link to JWN's original, inspiring thread

We've donned the snow chains, topped up the antifreeze, and turned the heaters up to loud, so even though it's cold outside, our welcome is always warm, so hop on and join us.

Sweet,

Sorry to hear your going through this anxiety is bloody awful I’ve never been able to rationalise my own.
Don’t be too hard on yourself for drinking, ignore the phone and emails can wait.
Get some rest, today is a new day xx

Evening all - sweet - a massive hug. I know that feeling very well. Today is a new day. I think everyone has had a tough last few days. Onwards hopefully for all babes and today.

I've had a somewhat easy day actually. Was on-site but hardly any meetings and the person I need to speak to was in, but basically either didn't want a meeting about my contract because they can't respond yet, was too busy on other things, or has decided that because I've dared to raise my female head above the parapet and say I'm not happy with the renewal they're offering me, that they're just going to let it lapse at end of March. It could be any of those things.

I usually get on pretty well with said person and there's a bit of banter and a hello (they're two levels more senior than me) but today we crossed paths and he literally turned away from me both times to avoid eye contact. Since he has a PA it's not for me to set up a meeting - the ball is in their court.

saywhen - yes I said that last week. My career since entirely stopping drinking wine on 19 April 2013 has improved exponentially. I have been promoted several times, worked abroad and now I run my own business.

I have worked v hard and am at the moment in the position where I don't need to work all year, have money saved in my company which could keep me going for 2 1/2 to 3 years if I stop work at the end of this month, a chunk of cash in my pension, a flat in London mortgage free, and a house at the coast which is probably 3/4 paid off now.

I have never been given any money to get me started and every penny is from my hard graft (I grew up poor - second hand clothes were pretty much the norm and v cheap holidays in a caravan once a year).

At the age of 43 I am now in the position of being able to say no to a contract if I don't like the client, or the terms, or I want to go off gallivanting abroad.

Obviously I am grateful every day for the fact that I stopped drinking wine - pretty much all of the above has come since 2013. I have boundless confidence and belief now in myself. Although I know it could all tumble down tomorrow - you never know do you?

Sorry I hope this doesn't sound boasty - I just wanted to show you what is possible if your life doesn't revolve around wine 99% of the time.

I had years of failed attempts before it finally clicked though - just keep going everyone if you really want to stop and it's making you miserable.

I'm in bed with my PJs, freshly showered and with a tea. Plan is to be asleep by 8pm I think.

xxx

sweet I'm so sorry. I was thinking about you this morning as you are so supportive and noticed you had been quiet.

Sounds like you have a good plan. Remember anxiety feels awful but it can't hurt you. Look after yourself. Postpone the emails no good will come of work emails in the evening. Tomorrow is a new day. For now take care of you. Have a bath. Watch a cosy film.

You have offered very kind and compassionate advice to all of us. What would you say to you? (Why are we so hard on ourselves?) X

Twattage wow good for you. I very much dont want to go back, hate alcohol currently to be honest so very clear won't he drinking today. But at the same time
absolutely could all fall apart any day! Good for you though. I've really worked hopefully it'll start paying off....!

Thanks Jayne, you are doing so well.

Twattage, you are an absolute inspiration. I've clung on to my career by the skin of my teeth, I'd really like to grab it by the balls, I just need to stop self-sabotaging.

Saywhen, that's very kind, I'm great with advice - not so much on the taking it. I know I need my butt kicking, but I'm scared to bend over!

Bluesky I don't have any words of wisdom but I felt like crap for years due to drinking, smoking and other stuff. All my days off were spent mainly asleep mainly due to going to bed at sunrise I'd like to say having a child altered it all but it didn't really. I moderated better but didn't think anything of daytime drinking on mat leave. For some reason my mind set started to alter last year. I'm not a great moderator. I think dry is what I should be. All I can say is that the longer I go without the easier/more used to it I'm getting. There's so many positives to drinking less.

Say I hear you with the running. I'm getting very attached to swimming. I'm doing about 2 miles a week now and it really bothers me if I can't go.

Sweet DO NOT beat yourself up over the weekend. Think of it like Twattage does. You've done 61 days out of 63 in 2018 AF. That's amazing. It's 97% of the year so far without wine. All you can do with the anxiety is ride it out. It's horrible but it's most likely the after effects of drinking and it will go. Look after yourself tonight.

Got distracted by DS before I'd properly finished.

Twattage I find it inspiring that your career took off while in your mid/late thirties without wine. It gives me hope. I feel my career's been shot to pieces. I'd been qualified less than a year when I got pregnant so the senior role that was promised to me 12 months later went to someone else and I went on mat leave. I don't blame the company in any way as I was no longer suitable but I do feel like that ship's sailed and I'll never be promoted/respected again. I won't be while I'm p/t and fairly unreliable (due to small child sickness) anyway.

However, I did get DS and I love having a constant companion just not when I'm trying to Mumsnet

Absolutely there's hope baking.

I was generally of the view that it was everyone else's fault as to why I wasn't doing as well as I should be, when really a lot of it was about the wine. There were toxic people as well, one in particular that wanted to hold me back, plus I was a manager only at that point. Once you get to head of or director, it is much easier to be more assertive.

Since stopping the wine, I have now fulfilled my potential. I actually reached the job I had always wanted to do when I'd just turned 40, so I guess that's also why I'm quite relaxed now about clients and contracts.

God I am now remembering some shocking nights at conferences etc getting absolutely bladdered on wine and behaving terribly. I feel so ashamed.

Onwards. xxx

Sorry, I forgot to say welcome to all the new and returning Babes.

Ma, Mint, hope you're staying warm.

Hope, how's things?

Hi babes - day one down. First evening without wine for nearly two years.

Wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

Feels good doesn’t it buttonz. I was thinking about you the other day as you hadn’t posted. Nice to see you on board x

Thanks, Jayne

I was thinking today about how alcoholism was seen, by adults, when I was growing up.

Two of my uncles were alcoholics and it was like a dirty secret no one in the family talked about.

One of them always had "flu" at Xmas when we all stayed at my granny's house. He was, in fact, just passed out drunk.

The other uncle was younger and my family were slow to realise he had a drink problem until is was glaringly obvious.

I grew up thinking that alcoholism is shameful... I have struggled with this regarding my own drinking and I have never opened up to my parents.

Morning all - day 33 2018 dawns (and it's kind of light at 6).

Didn't sleep amazingly well last night - that may be due to the two M&S cheese & onion sandwiches I ate on the way home from work yesterday...was def awake at 2ish feeling anxious about work. That was preferable to being starving and thinking about booze.

jayne - forgot to say well done on 2 weeks and hello buttonz.

xxx

Morning All.

Buttonz. You are right, there are many very complex social attitudes going on. The old alcoholism is shameful and not to be spoken about persists but there is also a layer of the normalisation of drinking, and a sprinkling of misogyny for good measure - we're responsible for the children dontcha know. Drinking problems need a make-over, so it is as acceptable to give up as giving up smoking, and the help is as easy to access. I don't know if it's still the case, but about five years ago in my primary health area, smoking cessation groups were heavily marketed along with lots of other free help, and without the stigma of admitting drink is a problem.

I managed some sleep last night, but I am still shaking, nauseous and gritting my teeth in panic. My GP didn't get back to me yesterday, so I'm not even certain I pressed send on the e-consult (that's about the level of where my concentration and cognition is). I have three modules to teach today with a short break for lunch if I'm lucky. That's eight hours of trying to pretend I know what I'm talking about on three very different subjects, and I barely know what day it is, I had to check multiple times yesterday and still didn't know when I got home (seriously, I was struggling with what day/week it was all of last week, I should have spotted this coming).

Twattage, you'll get through - just make better sandwich choices next time

Anyway, onwards and upwards (I suppose), have a good day.

Sorry I've not been on. My Jeremy Kyle life continues and it's been a shit couple of days.
My DP had a hypertensive crisis three days ago (BP 175!) He was on the verge of a stroke. His Doctor was amazing.

The DNA results came back the same day and my potential half brother is in fact my half brother.

But at least it's stopped snowing here!! It's a balmy 4° and the drizzling.

I will catch up with you all the bus later.

Morning babes! Sorry for the radio silence, been a stressful few weeks in Margieland. Big hugs to those who are struggling, particularly my pals Sweet and Mint.

So day 200 dawns for me. Seems bloody incredible, but I am here, 200 days later, still AF and no real desire to drink. I have the occasional moment of misplaced nostalgia, but nothing that has me reaching for the bottle opener.

Things I have learned:

1. Going AF is not a miracle cure for all of life’s shittiness. My depression didn’t magically go away, the people who pissed me off before still piss me off now, I am still way too stressed at work. BUT...my ability to actually deal with all that shit is there now, I am not pouring booze on my head and hoping it all magically goes away.

1. An inappropriate work crush is much easier to handle when sober. I shudder to think what an absolute dick I would have made of myself by this point if I wasn’t sober - drunken messages galore, stalker-like behaviour, etc, etc.

1. I have lost 5kgs without really trying to and even though I eat cake and biscuits and chocolate, nothing affects my weight like the thousands of empty calories I was ingesting before through booze. Everyone said my skin would be better, which so far definitely hasn’t happened (my concealer never leaves my side) but weirdly, the whites of my eyes are so much whiter!

1. AA is not the only way. I always thought that to get sober I would have to go to AA, otherwise I couldn’t do it. And I have nothing against AA, it is an amazing organization, I went for a while and it really really helped me. However, logistically it’s really difficult for me to go to meetings given that I live in the sticks in a foreign country, with few English speaking meetings nearby. But it turns out that the internet provides all the support I need and I am so grateful that I live in a time where I can find like-minded people at the click of a button.

And that’s it. Here’s to all of you, and to this bus, for getting me this far - thank you from the bottom of my heart.

xxx

Hi all.
I slept badly, having a bad time with myself. I upset DH on Sunday because I 'always make him seem like he's not important' so I did big apologies to him and broke down and admitted that I struggle with life (I have been doing pretty well coping with life now I'm moderating but seem to be having an episode of some sort). I do not open up to anyone and don't have great trust in anyone so this was really tough to do. He then kicked off last night saying he was sick of everything which then sent me running to bed. I then woke at 1.30am and was still awake at 5am. Eventually back to sleep for a couple of hours.

Sorry for everyone else struggling. Sweet could you contact the GP today?

I have lost 5kgs without really trying to and even though I eat cake and biscuits and chocolate
I've put on 5kg I expect I'm comfort eating at the moment. I can't wait to see Spring, hopefully I can restart the gym. Or running or give up sugar. Something anyway.

That's three days AF. Slept better last night. I am having a weird obsession with hot chocolate and digestives with butter at the moment. It's like I have regressed to my childhood. I think it makes me feel safe and warm.

Sweet sorry to hear that

Yes, the misogyny - I remember people being very shocked at a drunk woman at a wedding...

Drinking was indeed normalised in my family - a drink before lunch, before dinner and then wine with the meal.

My mum always had a gin and tonic in the evening. One night, she left her drink in the bathroom. I was in the bath and she knocked at the door, pleading with me to get out of the bath and give her the drink. It was ridiculous.

Hi all, been off the thread for a few weeks but wanted to say I am still here and still tracking the thread. Been up and down but have managed 40 AF days this year which is a little more than I had hoped but better than drinking all of the time. I did Sept 16 - end 17 at about 70% AF which was a huge change from my previous daily evening drinking. I am now trying to keep track at 30% or under which is fairly easy.

The big question is whether or when I will ever go 100% AF....

By 30% or under, I mean 70% not drinking and 30% drinking....

Evening all - day 33 almost done (including better sandwich choices)!

It has been by the skin of my teeth - the force was strong on the way home from the tube this evening - I really wanted a beer. I then told myself that as I've been in meetings all day and hadn't done today's 13k steps, I'd do those and then see how I felt. By which point I really wanted some toast, so I just came home.

It is weird - in the wine days, the urge would not have been for one, but to get twatted, whereas now it's just the urge for a couple of beers and then stop. I would have bought a pack of 4 from the garage and then not slept as well. And I didn't want to come on here and say I'd caved or sully my Dry Jan app.

I'm in my pjs now with tea so going to watch some TV and then crash - tomorrow and Thursday I'm in central London so I only have to do 45 mins each way, which is half my usual journey, so I get a lie-in in the morning :).

Love to all babes and . xxx

Twattage - I had cravings today as well. I'm on AF day 2. First time I've gone an evening without a drink for nearly two years.

Glad to hear you beat yours.

I have found that going to bed with a silly computer game helps me get past "wine o clock".

My triggers are the end of the day, when I slump in front of the tv. That is when I get the wine out.

I am keeping a tally of the money I'm saving to try and motivate me.

It is hard, though. I have to do this.