Brave Babes (Hygge) Battle Bus: Snowed in and Drinking Hot Chocolate instead of wine

[SweetLathyrus]

Hi, I'm SweetLathyrus, Sweet for short, and I've been on and off Gerald the Brave Babes Battle Bus since 2014. Over the years, lots of us have maintained the thread, most of all the lovely Mouse, who has been here since the early days, and still scurries onboard when she can.

The bus is a place of support, safety and occasional silliness for those of us struggling with our relationship with alcohol. Some of us are sober, some are trying to be, some are moderating and aren't ready to give up alcohol just yet.

So whatever your reason for questioning the whys and WTFs of your drinking, hop on board, make yourselves comfortable and join in. Driers and Triers, all welcome.

2018 has been a busy year so far, lots of new travellers as well as old faces; if you want to read back on the journey through Dry or Dryer Jan and Feb so far, here's the link to the last thread

And in case you want to know how it all started, here is the link to JWN's original, inspiring thread

We've donned the snow chains, topped up the antifreeze, and turned the heaters up to loud, so even though it's cold outside, our welcome is always warm, so hop on and join us.

Laurely here! Day 5 is hard, really really well done for getting this far.

Think about the hangover tomorrow, the crap sleep, the crap skin and have something sugary!

twattage mint working baking thank you all very much xx

baking it's a tough one when people don't get it / are taking the piss. I have 2 people one friend and an in law I can't stand who find it a challenge but that is because it makes them feel awkward- they want to drink and I make them feel bad (not intended I couldn't give a toss what anyone drinks or doesn't drink.)

My friend who I am close with I have gently said it's a funny set up we live in when I'm the one who is the strange one by not drinking when we know the damage it can do. She didn't say anything at the time but it really got her thinking and she's been much more accepting since.

Another thing I say is (it's true sort of...) the less i drink the less i want to drink. That's felt easier somehow.

Don't know if any of that helps or in just rambling!

laurely sorry i missed you. I hope you are ok.

That bloody voice is a nightmare. It goes. I didn't go to the shop in the afternoon/evening for weeks I didn't trust myself.

I hope you are ok? Sober blogs helped me so much in the early days. Or sober pod casts - the bubble hour or mother recovering.

Hope you are ok.

laurely I hear that voice too... it’s especially hard when I’m in the supermarket and the alcohol section is right next to the soft drinks I’m actually looking for.

Day 12 here. Anxious as hell about the bbq on Friday. Social anxiety is a nightmare, I’m also not good when it comes to eating in front of people. I would like to have a drink or two and leave it there but it’s a bit of a minefield and I’m not sure I can do that yet. Boyfriend will be there to hold my hand though.

Happy Thursday all, let’s kick its arse.

Thank you for the replies . I was really struggling and about 7 it got bad so I put my trainers on and went for a walk which seemed to help . My trigger time is quite a big window ( 3-7 approx) I didn't buy any . At one point I was taking it a minute at a time .

I've been lurking on this thread for about a year now ( sorry!!) but I think it's time to jump in .

I'm still in quite a bit of denial about my drinking but I'm fighting through the layers . The struggle seems to be facing life with a clear head . Last night I just wanted to dull the edges a little. I hope it's ok if I keep coming here to talk?

Morning all - just a quick one. Have been in period hell for the last 36 hours + aftermath of going out Tuesday night which was a disaster on all fronts...will explain more tonight.

Been awake for 2 hours in the night with flooding period which overflowed the cup at 2am and I have to go in client-side today feeling shattered.

laurely - welcome...catch you all this evening when I'm in bed with tea and can post properly.

xxx

laurely just wanted to post to say well done on fighting it and I expect you were so pleased this morning when you woke up. I also find exercise is a great distraction.
Hi to all other babes. Have a good day!

Good morning babes it’s a beautiful day here and I have a day off! Thinking of heading into the city for some retail therapy and to distract from the bbq I’m attending later. It’ll be fine. Probably

May you all achieve your af/cutting down goals and have a lovely day xx

Hi all. sorry not to have been around much and will get round to meeting all the lovely newbies soon.
Mums birthday today - and yesterday, and tomorrow - as at 83 we make quite a thing of it so going AF is not going to happen this week.
She has always loved motorbikes, Harleys and stuff, so yesterday we said we were going for a day out. We stood on the pavement faffing about wasting time until the rumble of engines caught her attention as 10 leather clad bikers from the RBLS Riders came to a stop in front of us, produced a helmet and jacket and offered her a "wee shot on the bikes".
Next door is a support centre for disabled children where mum volunteers and they all knew, so they suddenly appeared with the children all waving flags, mum was kitted out, hoisted onto the back of a bike and away they went!!! i repeat - she is 83!
when they came back, all the hairy chaps had tea and doughnuts in the garden with her and taught her the biker handshake etc. Bloody brilliant.

Biker granny

Oh dementedma that’s adorable! Happy birthday Mum

Morning all - loving the biker granny :). That is really cool...

Well this week has been a car crash for me. Had too many beers in the pub quiz on Tuesday evening. We were out with the ex of my husband (well maybe more a friend with benefits - relationship is long over) and her husband. Said lady spent the evening flirting with my husband in front of hers, which resulted in me both actively trying to sabotage our quiz entry with wrong answers because I was pissed off, and also pissed off watching her, resulting in me drinking more.

Felt dreadful on Weds, had to drag into the office. Ended up eating a pizza on Weds evening (not within WW points). Then yesterday caught train with two colleagues home and we stopped off at a hostelry on the way home.

Woke up this morning at 5am feeling terrible, weighed myself. Have unsurprisingly put the 3 pounds back on that I'd lost. Am massively anxious and unhappy today.

Have decided that I need to go entirely sober for now until I've got these pounds off. And definitely no more going out on a Tuesday or a Wednesday. Pointless and didn't enjoy it.

I am majorly suffering with both PMT and flooding periods so that hasn't helped this week. At least it's now over for this cycle.

I do not know what is the matter with me at the moment. I finally have the headspace to focus on my health and my weight and I cannot seem to string two weeks together of loss, albeit that my drinking has been pretty good this month apart from this week.

Anyway, am waffling. Just needed to write it down. Today I will not be drinking. x

ma Biker Granny is adorable. What a fantastic gift for her.

Twattage That all sounds very stressful, don’t beat yourself up. I expect the 3lbs is down to water weight and will come off again in no time.

I went to the bbq last night. I had 3 cans of dark fruit cider and a shot. I didn’t know anybody apart from my boyfriend and his family, a lot of kids there (18-21 years old) and I was massively anxious but didn’t really want to drink more than I did, in fact I could have done without the last can.

Woke up feeling bleary and missing how I feel when I go to bed completely af. So I’ll try to stick to that, and only drink in moderation on special occasions like last night. That’s the plan anyway - I seem to remember making similar plans before...

Morning duchess - thank you for the kind words. I am beating myself up because I know I can and should be doing better (I am a perfectionist in many ways, and have to remind myself frequently that there are shades of grey)!

You are right - I need to just wait until next week and see what the weight is. I've been for my run on the beach this morning, one minute faster than last week (still slow but I'm carrying extra pounds). I woke up at 5.30 this morning so I was on the prom at 6.30 - there was only me and a couple of other runners and a cyclist - it was blissful.

Am still feeling massively anxious this morning (I have nothing to be anxious about). Going to have a quiet day pottering in the garden and a bbq at lunchtime with my husband. No other plans (apart from not drinking).

duchess - that sounds pretty controlled even thought you didn't want the last can of cider. Well done. I know what you mean about waking up after being sober - generally a really good feeling. The more you do it, the more you want it!

Love to all babes. xxx

Morning all
Day 12 here for me and still so flipping chuffed with myself .
Really feel like I've turned a corner and taken control of the final big issue in my life .
I have so much more time in the evenings !... and so many positives to hang onto .
Fully plan on jumping in the side car with trepidation for one glass tomorrow when I toast dd finishing 4 years of 8 years at uni .... can't wait to see her she's coming gone for a gap year and I'll see more of her before she goes travelling .

So I've realised that I can still enjoy myself and be confident out without alcohol this week . I actually don't think about pouring a glass as soon as walk through the door now .
I've learnt that I manage stress 100% better without alcohol .
I'm waking up still knackered but a much better person at work and home .
Def enjoying evenings with my dd more and reading the best stories ever !
Picked up my beautiful hobby of reading again at bedtime .

How's everyone doing ?
Hope your all able to grab a little of the sunshine and have a good weekend x x x x

We always miss you Mouse! Glad you're still around.

Trust You're right. The more I think about the works do the bigger the anxiety gets. I've done quite well at not thinking the last few days.

Laurely Well done for resisting. How are you getting on this weekend?

Say I'm finding the longer I'm AF, the less I want it generally. I'm happy with a Becks Blue mostly. It's stupid but it's other people that make me think I'm odd for not drinking and half the time I still want to fit in.

Ma Biker Granny is fab! I hope she had a good day.

Duchess I really like the clear headed AF feeling in a morning. I think doing the whole bbq with just a few cans is pretty good too.

Twattage That sounds like a pretty shit evening. Crap times encourage excessive drinking. All you can do is put it behind you and try to forget about it. The anxiety will lessen once you're back to AF for a bit.

Tink That's a really happy positive post! I like it. Hooray for day 12! Once you start to see the benefits it gets easier I think. I've read 28 books this year thanks to not drinking. I've really enjoyed getting back into it. I'm sort of doing the 50 book challenge but by myself.

Nothing to report here. I feel summery today. The weather is fab again. I have a new dress on. I spent yesterday morning gardening and my legs ache today! Not sure what we're doing later. As usual the sun shining has meant I've craved cigs (not bought any though) and I've drunk a lot of Becks Blue.

I was watching 'dinner date' and the man who was going on the dates didn't drink. One woman was about it. It made me feel bad, because that would have been me too.

I generally don't tell people that I don't drink, (I have a load of accustomed phrases that I use) but I wonder if I should... Would it make it more normalised (in my own small world), or is that just addressing the minority of people who are heavy drinkers?

Evening all, or is it still afternoon?

We came back to London early today as I was anxious about the decking and the cat. Basically the painter had to come back Thursday evening as after putting two coats of paint on (after originally using stain), the wood was all cracked and it looked awful (no idea what he did).

So he filled in a load of stuff with wood filler and then came back over the weekend with the top coat. Unfortunately earlier last week he got decking paint smudged all over our flat (which is newly refurbed throughout last summer with all white walls) so I had to point that out to him, and I was dreading that he'd do more whilst we were away.

Came back to find he had cleared off the smudges and the decking looks good, but he'd left our back door into the garden wide open since Friday evening! Fortunately we back on to other gardens with no side return, but FFS. Am now trying to decide if I give him neutral or negative feedback on my builder.

Am feeling much better now - the cat is fine and the decking is done. I had no beers Friday evening and some last night as per my usual Saturday evening. We had a nice night sat in the communal grounds of our house with some of our neighbours chatting about nothing much - it was a good evening and made up for last Tuesday's disaster.

baking - you are correct I just need to draw a line. I have at least 4 days AF now anyway. I have just realised that by then I will be on even days dry and wet by Wednesday night for the year.

Plan for tonight is an early one, tea, cat etc. then up for a run in the morning before it gets too hot. I am WFH tomorrow which makes a change.

venus - I think you should do what you feel comfortable with. Yes you have to run the gauntlet of people being shocked / asking questions. It happens to me all the time as people can't conceive that I don't drink wine or spirits - I just am v honest and say I have no off button, I was a nightmare and therefore I don't do it any more. That always immediately shuts people up!

I was offered wine / gin last night by my neighbours but I said no and explained why. I'm not ashamed of it. TBH it was quite interesting as I could see one of my neighbours getting quite pissed on the gin and starting to slur, whilst I'd only had 3 beers in a couple of hours.

Anyway onwards - anxiety be gone!

xxx

Evening everyone. I've had a Friday and Saturday in the sidecar. I enjoyed Friday, felt like a treat. Last night I had a bit too much and was back to waking up with dread and gloom instead of feeling amazing because I've been strong. cupcakes what you said to twattage - The anxiety will lessen once you're back to AF for a bit. really rang a bell for me. Why do I do something that makes me feel so anxious when anxiety is my greatest bug bear!

Anyway tonight back to feeling safe and calm with tea, cat and candles hope everyone else is having a nice evening.

Oh btw yy to social pressure about not drinking. It's difficult isn't it. I've only had a limited time of having to do that (turned things around May 1st) but the bbq I went to recently I just said I was driving and drank coke which felt more exciting than squash maybe it's in the name

Ps twattage re your builder, how unbelievably stupid of him to leave your door open!! Thank god your home was unharmed.

Well 27 days and 22 hours AF here. Looking forward to making it a month (and according to my app 200 pounds saved and 100 drinks passed up).
Tinkerbell well done! I'm certainly clearer mentally, but oddly utterly exhausted!
venus a month ago I'd also be horrified if a date didn't drink!
Twattage I just don't have the guts frankly. While I know and understand that I've abused alcohol for a long time it'd be publicly admitting the problem. Maybe when its a bit more obvious to people. I can't always be driving!
Google tells me the exhaustion isn't uncommon after going AF I'm just hoping it passes!

Hello all - just popping in after a tiring weekend. Sorry not been around -my life is hectic, still adjusting to being a single working mum. Nice to see some new faces on the bus - hope you all enjoyed the sunny weekend and well done to those who managed not to drink or to moderate in the face of summer temptations and barbecue booze offers.

Twattage can I just say your builder sounds a bit of a knob and would not be getting positive feedback from me, and your DH's ex sounds even more of a knob - I would have spat in her pint! (not really, am not that coarse, but I would have wanted to - or perhaps been tempted to 'accidentally' spill my drink all over her )

Ma love your biker granny treat. Saw pics on FB also - your mum looks bloody brilliant, and hats off to those biker lads for being so lovely. I hope someone takes me for a ride on a Harley when I am 83.

I have a ridiculously busy week ahead which includes accompanying DD to a memorial for the Ariana Grande bombing (she was at the concert) and then to an Ed Sheeran gig with 2 of her mates (they needed an over 18 to go in with them so she scammed me into buying a ticket last year, but now she finds even my presence embarrassing so am sure I will be treated with scorn and ignored all night so not looking forward to it.) She is an absolute nightmare at the moment. Just bought a book from Amazon which was recommended on a thread about nightmare teenagers on here. It is called 'Get out of my life - but first take me and Alex into town' which made me laugh but also rang true as DD seems to hate everything about me but still expects me to do everything for her.

Lovely DS is doing A levels now (aaagh) so is stressed (though even under stress he is way less moody than DD). Took him out for brunch today and we had a laugh - I will miss him when he goes to University, SO much. Though I wish either of them would help around the house just a bit. I have a fairly big old house and at the moment it is falling down around our ears because it is all I can do to keep up at work, drive the kids around, get them fed etc and keep us in clean clothes. The lawn is currently 3ft high! Do any of you gardening babes want to mow it for cake???

Also I have an appointment with solicitor on Wednesday to start talking about divorce and what next. WB being fine with me at the moment - though had first encounter with evil soon to be ex-SIL (aka Red Frizzy which is what my friend at the gym calls her due to unflattering Ronald McDonald style hair) when we were both at an event to support my niece at the weekend and she was pretty vile without actually resorting to outright insults (and only then because she knows none of the other people there would have supported her awful behaviour). I don't see why she can't be civil if her brother is making every effort to be civil and friendly, it isn't her issue. But then she is a spiteful bitch and was nasty to me when we were still married so I expect this is just an excuse for her. She really is the worst.

Have not been drinking this week after sliding a bit (quite a lot) down the slippery wine slope recently, though today did have a pint of cider at a local festival. Am also hitting the gym with a vengeance again, though my eating is creeping up - starving in the evenings and eating sweets. Though I might just be hungry due to overtraining. Speaking of which, have a PT appointment at 7.00am so off to sleep now.

Apologies in advance if I don't post too much next week as it is going to be a busy one (work is mental as ever even without the other stuff) but I am looking in when I can and mentally cheering you all on - you are a fantastic bunch of babes xxx

Morning everyone... I’m up early because I had another night in the sidecar and had a bit too much. I was only slightly tipsy but it messes with my sleep regardless.

Was at another bbq and fil kept topping up my drink. He’s deadly for it but he and mil are so lovely (and big drinkers) so it’s quite hard to refuse! Honestly he’s like a ninja I didn’t even notice he’d swiped my glass. Decided to combat this in future by driving up separately and going to collect my daughter while boyfriend drops his kids off at their mums so I’m not alone with his parents and their bar

Back on the bus today, not going to beat myself up and neither am I going to slip into old habits. Love to you all xxx

Morning all - totally overslept this morning and didn't wake up until 7.15, so no run today as I have work calls to attend to at 8.30 and have only just drunk my coffee.

So relieved to have woken up without the anxiety. TBH since I reset mid-April I've only been drinking 2 nights a week max so last week totally threw me as to how strong the anxiety - and yes the feeling of impending doom - was. It's totally gone again now. I absolutely don't want to be drinking more than this.

Thank you all for the thoughts on the builder and the husband's ex - sometimes I wonder if I'm being unreasonable or not thinking that they have both been badly behaved last week!

mavis - I can only speak with confidence about not drinking wine / spirits because I'm 5 years down the line of abstinence and therefore I know for certain there will be no slippage. I couldn't have done that in the early years - other excuses are much better / easier at that stage!

looking - I would love to come and mow your lawn. I don't eat cake so I would do it for free! Or possibly for a cheese and ham toastie! Just done my lawn in London last night so have been out to inspect it in my jammies - I love a lawn the day after it's been done - all neat and fresh.

duchesse - you'll sleep better tonight without the booze. I overslept this morning as was on the bus - had a few nights waking up at 5am last week - not a coincidence.

working - you're doing really well. Keep going :).

Have a good day all...I am determined this week and next I am going to break through my weight plateau situation before the end of May. Am feeling focused and determined!

xxx