Morning all babes...today is my 5 year anniversary of stopping all wine, champagne, prosecco and spirits.
On 19 April 2012 I woke up in bed after another night on the wine that I didn't really want to do, but felt a compulsion which was unstoppable, and decided that I had hit rock bottom.
I spent over an hour crying in bed and then called AA. They connected me with a RL person and advised me to get to a meeting. I did try a couple of meetings but I struggle with a) the concept of meetings (I don't like the structure) and b) some of the AA philosophy. I am however eternally grateful to the person on their helpline who spoke to me for over an hour.
My wine consumption had been escalating since around 2007 when I decided to leave my first husband , fell in love with the second and moved out. The emotional toll of going through even a straight forward divorce and starting a new job, and moving house all at the same time, saw me self-medicating and getting into a routine drinking pattern with a colleague (my mucker) in Central London. We became really good friends - all based around wine consumption.
By 2013 I had broken my foot after falling off the sofa whilst drunk (I said I wasn't) and was drinking 1 1/2-2 bottles of wine, 5 nights a week. I was in short, an embarrassing drunken mess.
From that day I just decided to stop drinking, I remember I tried Soberistas for a while but then they made it a paying site and so I just did it alone (I wasn't on MN at that point). Not once after that day did I go near a glass of wine or spirits - I just stopped. I didn't find it massively hard if I'm honest - as I'd hit rock bottom, my mindset was determined.
I am also lucky to have had a supportive husband who does not drink much and respects me 100%.
After the first early days I went on girls holiday about two months later with my BF and my wine drinking mucker and a friend of hers - it was a v difficult week. The 2 latter girls did not like me not drinking at all, in the case of my mucker, it showed up all the things that she was still doing and that I was not. Ultimately although we stayed friends for another 3 years, it was not the same after that and with my lack of wine goggles, I realised that she had some unpleasant character traits that I had overlooked, and I let the friendship drop in 2015. That is the only friendship I've lost along the way, I'm pleased to say.
I also did a sober Glastonbury that year - it was so good not to be worrying about the toilet all the time on-site and I remembered all the amazing things I'd seen (including the Rolling Stones)!
There then followed sober holidays to various places and a sober Christmas / NY (I've done a few of those now) and birthday.
In the autumn of 2013 I was head-hunted for a job abroad, which I got after 5 interviews. I am not sure I'd have got it if still drinking, but with my lack of booze, I soared through. I moved abroad in March 2014 and decided that after 11 months of sobriety I would try to moderate on lager in my new surroundings.
It worked out well and I have been happily moderating on beer up until December 2017. My life improved exponentially in every area, particularly my career - I have posted about this before so won't go into it, but to say I now run my own business, I love my job, alcohol does not affect my performance.
When you've stopped you have to be vigilant still, the alcohol devil can creep up at any moment. For me I've been in a very stressful contract since September last year - without realising it my consumption crept up in December and I decided that I needed to have a period of abstinence and track my drinking again this year.
After doing DJ and joining this thread, I found it hard to get back into a normal rhythm around my holidays and Easter, however in the last 10 days or so I've got my mojo back and I'm on a roll again. Feeling really good this morning :).
My current plan is to go back to 1 night moderating on a Thursday and all other nights sober - this worked well for me previously and is something I feel comfortable with.
I'll stop rambling now but I wanted to reassure everyone that stopping the vino absolutely can be done. It gets easier after a period of time - TBH I was so sick of it by the time I stopped that I never wanted to go back to it. I have no interest in it at all and I know it will add nothing to my life.
I love waking up in the morning having had an amazing night's sleep. It feels soooo good...today the garden already has a bit of sun on it and the birds are tweeting...love this time of year early in the day.
Sorry bit of a self-indulgent post but I feel I'm allowed on my 5-year anniversary! Love to all babes...it can be done!
Hopefully something in here will help others in the early stages of the journey.
xxx