Brave Babes (Hygge) Battle Bus: Snowed in and Drinking Hot Chocolate instead of wine

[SweetLathyrus]

Hi, I'm SweetLathyrus, Sweet for short, and I've been on and off Gerald the Brave Babes Battle Bus since 2014. Over the years, lots of us have maintained the thread, most of all the lovely Mouse, who has been here since the early days, and still scurries onboard when she can.

The bus is a place of support, safety and occasional silliness for those of us struggling with our relationship with alcohol. Some of us are sober, some are trying to be, some are moderating and aren't ready to give up alcohol just yet.

So whatever your reason for questioning the whys and WTFs of your drinking, hop on board, make yourselves comfortable and join in. Driers and Triers, all welcome.

2018 has been a busy year so far, lots of new travellers as well as old faces; if you want to read back on the journey through Dry or Dryer Jan and Feb so far, here's the link to the last thread

And in case you want to know how it all started, here is the link to JWN's original, inspiring thread

We've donned the snow chains, topped up the antifreeze, and turned the heaters up to loud, so even though it's cold outside, our welcome is always warm, so hop on and join us.

I've been lurking on this thread for a while and would like to jump onto the bus please (with a name change!)

A little (well, quite a lot actually!) about me... I'm mid-30s, no DCs and have been drinking too much for about 10 years now. Up until about seven years ago I was able to have two to three nights off a week fairly regularly, and felt I had my drinking under control to some extent.

Since then things have been getting more and more out of control, to the point where I'm consuming a bottle or two of lager - followed by a whole bottle of wine - every night (plus two or three homemade cocktails to follow on several nights a week).

Needless to say I'm feeling absolutely terrible waking up each morning, to the point where I'm taking three or four days off work each month (I'm self-employed) because I feel too ill, lethargic, sick and fuzzy headed to get out of bed. The housework is also falling behind on these days as I just don't have the energy to keep on top of it.

I've also embarrassed myself at social functions in the past due to drinking - slurring my words, falling over in front of friends and family, starting arguments and getting overly emotional and angry with others and falling out. I've been told numerous times by at least one family member that I need to cut down on the booze. Despite all this I've just kept drinking and drinking.

Anyway, things came to a head last Friday evening, when DH and I went out for drinks following a stressful week at work for the both of us. I over-indulged on the wine and ended up with a horrendous hangover all day Saturday (yesterday).

As a result I felt too ill to cook the big dinner we had planned, and had to throw away the meat I'd put out as it had been defrosted for too long (and with money being quite tight, I feel so guilty about food going to waste!)

We therefore ended up ordering a takeaway on Saturday evening instead (wasting more money) and I had about half a bottle of wine plus several beers, despite being hung over.

To make matters worse, this morning I woke up with horrendous food poisoning and feel dreadful (DH, who had a different dish from the same restaurant and also drank yesterday, is fine).

I've been feeling terrible all day and as I've been in bed for most of it, I have had barely anything to eat or drink - including alcohol! It's now got to 8pm - DH is drinking a glass of wine and I'm resisting, which I'm finding far easier than usual just because I feel so ill.

Anyway, this weekend has really brought home to me what a bad influence alcohol is in my life. I've wasted a ton of money getting drunk on Friday, and throwing away food and ordering takeaways I didn't even want on Saturday. I've also been stuck in the house for the entire two days, doing nothing productive or fun and generally feeling awful.

My business is going through a really stressful time at the moment, and I know I'm using alcohol as a crutch to escape it all. However, I can see that this is a complete catch 22: while alcohol does allow me that "escapism" for a couple of hours in the evenings, it means I feel terrible for the whole next day and am unproductive and anxious about my work. I'm genuinely getting to the point where I'm worried that if I don't massively cut down on drinking or stop altogether, my business could go under and I will have no income.

I know that another reason I drink is down to self esteem issues - I'm just a naturally very shy, quiet person who worries constantly that others are judging me the whole time. I have suffered from a chronic lack of confidence my whole life really, which hasn't ever gotten much better, despite people telling me it would with age.

Help

Hi all have posted before but not that confident in posting, think I always come across wrong!! Have struggled with alcohol for past 20 years, feel like a broken record tbh in my attempts and can go AF for long periods of time, it's more the way I behave when I do drink alcohol. Last month after another disaster was so determined that was me going AF ended up having a drink at a wedding moderated well in fairness but that was me going back off it no booze in house and here I am with a glass of wine. So annoyed at myself for buying it in the first place and once I knew it was in there I knew I would drink it!!!! Read thread daily and do get a lot from reading everyones posts but tonight to have a vent to people who understand. Hope you dont mind my rant!!

Welcome slanted nightowl and Icelandic

All your posts are so familiar to me and probably everyone here, please never worry about posting, nobody will judge just support I promise.

Hi slanted and nighttowl whatever you want to post is welcome. You can engage and interact with others on the thread, or you can post mindless, self-indulgent drivel. It doesn't matter, it's all welcome.

Thanks for the welcome Luxurywomen & Venus&mars. I am going to try and keep on posting try keep me on track

Morning owl and slanted Didn't want to read and run!

owl I can relate to pretty much everything you've said. I have absolutely been there on the wine, making a fool of myself, not being able to do anything else as my life revolved entirely around the bloody stuff. I also used to be a terrible slurrer at all sorts of functions. I am blushing now thinking about it.

Do you think you could try to stop for a while? Maybe even a couple of days a week to see how you feel?

WRT to the business side - again I can relate. Both I and one of the consultants in my team have been self-medicating on the beer in order to relax as we have a v v stressful client contract at the moment. I started drinking pretty much every night in December as a result, then did most of DJ before a holiday, then I've been up and down since then. I've finally got my mojo back (I hope) as of last Thursday and haven't had a drink since then.

It just makes it worse as you've realised - you feel shattered all the time (and if you're drinking wine will be having some terrible hangovers). It makes you unproductive and you're not motivated. Like you, if I don't work, I don't get paid, so then you feel under even more pressure.

Anyway sending a large hug - and yes post whatever you want. I suspect I am at the self-inulgent drivel end of the scale but it helps me to be reading and posting, even if I'm not on track!

xxx

Thanks for the lovely welcomes everyone. I didn't drink yesterday, although to be honest, I pretty much couldn't as I felt so ill. I'm feeling quite a lot better today - calmer, fresher and no hangover for the first time in ages!

However, DH has just suggested heading to the pub for a quick one after work, which is going to be a real test for me. I also have two events in the diary that revolve around drink tomorrow and Wednesday. Both are work-related so I can't get out of them.

My plan is to stick to the soft drinks today and tomorrow, then possibly treat myself to one small or medium glass of wine on Wednesday and try to leave it at that.

Wish me luck...

No booze tonight... I've taken to bed as that is about the only place in the house that isn't a trigger...

Hi all can I jump on please !
really pissed off with myself to be honest Iv beaten a heavy codiene addiction In the past and I'm just really annoyed my alcohol consumption has crept to this point now . Would be lovely to be able to chat somewhere supportive like this ( Iv lurked a few times in the last few months )

I'm drinking nearly every night now . Not massive amounts but enough to be foggy headed .

Iv tried just having one wine / beer to cut down but will without fail go for another ( if it's a weekend then make that another 3) Iv always had a poor relationship with alcohol to be honest but it was more binge drinking when I went out . It's different now .

But yeh from tommrow I plan to just not drink because clearly having one isn't working ! I did dry January for about two weeks so I know I can do it but am still daunted at the thought think the major problem is that alcohol depresses me and I feel like shit that I couldn't resist and so I feel like I need it to cheer me up by the next evening ! I also feel like I need it to relax aswell .

Eughhh . Anyway that's me

Should add Iv name changed I'm a regular mumsnetter

Hi to new people Gerroff Slanted Owl it's a lovely bus you've joined.
Waves to Twattage Buttonz
Moderation is so fecking hard isn't it, but in our society it's impossible to avoid being around booze. I wonder how people with food addictions cope?
I can thoroughly recommend the Jason Vane book. I'm on day 10 of no booze and fags. The wine witch is now whispering in my ear that it's ok, if I can go this long obviously I don't have a problem at all. But she is a big fat liar liar pants on fire.

Morning all

chiara - great news. I was wondering how you were doing! Yes it is hard, there is no two ways about it. I have not drunk wine for a grand total of 4 years and 362 days and I will tell you now, I still have a major problem with it! It does get easier as the days go by - if you get to the point where you don't want to do it and you see it as a negative, then it will make life much better. All the while you think you're missing out, is bad times.

Yes it is impossible to avoid being around booze. You need your strategies in place therefore as to what you're doing and why.

buttonz - don't beat yourself up - this shizz is really hard.

geroff - welcome.

xxx

Just realised I've counted the days! I don't usually but this week is a big anniversary for me!

113 days AF dawns with torrential rain and gale force winds. My spring planters are destroyed.
I'm sitting here craving hot sweet tea but I'm booked for fasting bloods before work. The doctor is also checking for infection and ovarian cancer markers. It seems my life is now an episode of Eastenders. I wouldn't believe me either. I must have done something very bad in a previous life.
Twattage13
That's amazing. 5 years almost!!! You're amazing.
Moderation is so fecking hard isn't it, but in our society it's impossible to avoid being around booze
I thought that when doing my online shop for Easter. Everything Asda targeted me with was booze. Have this wine with beef etc.

Congratulations Twat!

And Geroff - I would say like many others, now is a good time to rediscover other things about yourself. What else can cheer you up? Silly TV shows? Exercise? Time with kids/pets/family/friends?

Similarly, what else can relax you? Bath? Nice book and a cup of tea? Massage?

Take this as an opportunity to discover other things you like!

for Mint and a for later

Just checking in to say I’ve now done two days booze free (Sunday and Monday). Went to the pub with DH last night - he had a cider and I had a lemonade! It was tough but not as difficult as I thought - I just kept telling myself that the wine at this particular pub is pretty average anyway, so what was the point in having a glass? I’m already sleeping better and feeling a lot calmer and more clear-headed, although I still have this knowing anxiety at the back of my mind and am wondering when I’ll be able to have another drink. My goal is to cut down to 14 units a week (what’s that, about five medium glasses of wine?) which would be a massive improvement on what I’ve been doing till now (probably 70 or 80 units a week for the past eight years - god that sounds scary). Still, baby steps...

Sorry - not “knowing” anxiety - knawing!

Morning mint - good luck at the doctors. I hope all is well. And bummer about the planters.

Agree about booze being everywhere - on Fridays at work it's always 'go off and reward yourself with a lot of wine / beer / gin etc' as a reward for working hard this week. My current excuse is I'm off the beer as I need to lose some pounds (which is true). My colleague / friend is also still off the booze and staying strong - she has already told someone she's on a health kick for Thursday and won't be drinking. It's quite nice having a RL buddy on this for once!

Well I have been for a run at 7am for the first time since Jan - only managed 3k today but at least I was out there. Next run will be Friday morning and will see if I can add on an extra half k. Feels good to be out and about.

Right off to mow the garden in between WFH!

Well done owl - I think it might be spelt gnawing????

Haha - think you might be right Twattage! Spelling clearly not my strong point!

Morning all and Thankyou for your kind welcomes

I think finding distractions I enjoy is a great idea and Iv being thinking about that I end up sort of just sat watching the tv on a night . There is of course plenty of constructive ways to fill this time as there is stuff that always needs doing but I deffo need some downtime on an evening so I want to try fill this time with other relaxing things that aren't staring at the tv and drinking . I have a good book Iv been trying to get into so that's tonight's plan after a nice long bath ! Iv also bought some posh orange drink thing I'm sure it will be full of sugar but I'm going to drink that tonight too

Moderating myself is hard too aswell , I struggle with social occasions too to be able to go and enjoy myself but not drink (that sounds so bad ) in my defence I have struggled with social anxiety in the past - still do but to a smaller degree so I think that's were this particular part of the habit has come from so I'm trying not to think about upcoming events etc . It's not that I want to be tee total forever but untill I can get to the stage were im enjoying a social drink but then not touching anything without a second thought untill the next one I kind of don't want to drink at all if that makes sense . So Friday night will be a hurdle :(

Anyway don't want to overthink , one day at a time and feeling pretty positive today .

Sending and to all babes for getting through the witching hour.

I do wonder if the uptick in women drinking is related to smoking no longer being a socially acceptable destressing tool. Pretty sure earlier generations would chill out with a cuppa and a fag rather than a glass of wine.

Day 11 here. My mantra is as long as I don't drink or smoke all will be ok. My vaping pen has been invaluable. A cold can of San Pellegrino limonata is a great substitute at wine o'clock.

I had horrendous bloating a few days ago but some Windeze tablets have sorted it thank god.

I have got loads of stress at work and with the kids at the moment and would normally use it as an excuse to hit the bottle. But have resisted so far. Had to buy some wine as a gift the other day which was horrible, I felt like I had an unexploded bomb in the car until I handed it over!

Well done for getting to day 11 Chiara - that’s impressive. I’m on day three and struggling a bit this evening. I feel a bit groggy and had a headache earlier, which is slightly disappointing - I expected to feel much better physically after a few days off. How long does the alcohol take to leave your system? On the plus side I’ve slept much better the last two nights - no waking at 3am and not being able to get back to sleep til 6. Sleeping right through the night is a revelation.

Well done Chiara and others.

Another sober night tonight, but I am out tomorrow night with some heavy drinking friends. We go out each month and it's always a piss up, so it's going to be tough...