Dating thread 130: dates with more issues than Vogue - mad March hares every one of 'em

[BeenThereDating]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

bloody I asked my 27 year old iron, what age range he set his tinder on, out of interest. Its a good question when a young one shows up. He said 26 with no upper age range. These young 'uns love the thought of a hot older lady ;)

So if you're up for some eyes open, it is what it is fun, why not?

One of the guys I am meeting on Sunday is 11 years younger. I asked him if the age thing was an issue, he said he has no pre conceived ideas about age which is nice. I am very young at heart so at this stage in my life, someone open, someone who isn't going to go all fucking weird on me, and who will be cool with going at my pace whatever it is, I appreciate that. Along with the added energy etc.

I wouldn't rule out an older man, but as I don't want to settle down, with a younger guy I feel I can talk about that more openly, without judgement.

smeaton prey tell. You can't just give little snippets then slither off again!

tinder have a look at the book "the subtle art of not giving a f**k" if you haven't heard about it before. Its helped me shift my thinking a bit. You only have to look a few months back and I was stressing about every little thing and wondering if online dating is for me at all. Now, I am just thinking I go each day at a time, not look too far in the distance and always try and be honest. If that person doesn't like it, then they aren't for me I suppose.

I heard something today which said about knowing what your standards are, and what you want. Say for example, if your standard is good communication, and you meet someone who isn't a communicator, then its probably not going to go well, so better to let it die naturally than stress about it etc. Express your standards in a nice way, and back out if they don't meet what you set out, but with an open mind.

I didn't invite Mr Nothing serious over, but I will ask him what he is doing Sunday night. Dog is better so will meet Mr Dutch English and Mr Mysterious has also confirmed.

My Frenchie messaged me tonight saying if we werent so far away he would want to meet up. I will keep chatting with him he seems cooll. Mr Parkour, well.........if our paths every alone, I would be MB'ing on the first night for sure.

happy Friday everyone!

alison another Mr French ;) He says Oui Madame to me, its quite sexy. Hahaha. *

vet your irons all seems quite exciting! I find i am more attracted to people who are active and somewhat quirky. None are high flyers, yet I am a professional also. I am also a sucker for someone who takes an artistic photos, which is stupid really as they are clever at the way they take shots!

pudding they all seem great on paper, it's just getting that to translate to real life! It sounds like you're potentially in for a busy weekend

I've never done French before pudding :).

I totally echo knowing what your standards are. I've been guilty of compromising mine when I've been attracted to someone and then get hurt. With this OLD lark I feel like I'm on an accelerated learning course in self development!

Alison tu ne sais pas ce que tu manques!

I suppose not Kinunir but my French female friend tells me they all sleep around and can't be trusted. Nothing like a national stereotype :). I'll chat, keep it easy and see. But perhaps I don't know what I'm missing .

I have a few French friends - monogamy is not something any of them really understand, much less practice.

ive been with a Frenchie and found out he had a girlfriend back in France! but plenty of British men cheat, anyway.

i had a lovely night with MrF, im finding out theres so much to him, and we are really similar. only problem is he is unsure how long he will be here for, he might move back home after April 😕

Hi everyone. I have been lurking for a while, but decided it was time I joined in.

I have been OLD since January, it's been interesting so far. I'm using Tinder and Bumble and so far I've met up with two people. The first at the beginning of February, we had a lovely first date and lots of contact afterwards. I've have seen him briefly a further five times as he works near where I live, but no further dates. He messages me pretty much every day, although this is getting less. All a bit pointless really. A shame as I liked him, but it's clearly not going anywhere.

Which leads me onto date number two. After deciding date one wasn't interested I went on a first date with number two, Mr Tennis, last Monday. He was very attractive, very good company, we seemed to get on well and had a lovely kiss at the end of the night. I would definitely have seen him again. Despite messaging as normal for a few days after the date he seems to have gone quiet, so I guess that's the end of that as there is not a chance i'll be chasing him up.

So I guess I am back to having no irons again. I've had a few matches, but no one I think I'd like to start messaging or the people I have messaged haven't replied. So it's all going swimmingly so far. I have to say I thought it would be easier than it has so far, I think i'm attractive, not model quality, but definitely okay. I look after myself, am independent, not clingy or needy and good at chatting. However still not managed to get myself a second date. Oh well, onwards and upwards.

Seems to be par for the course insert - Hell you are lucky you get to the first date /meet stage as some of them go all out to pursue and arrange then just disappear ! Or they initiate chat contact then after a few exchanges disappear - what's that all about ? Losers .

Afternoon guys

I've made a rookie mistake , talking to a guy on PoF for 2 weeks , went on dinner date . It went well really chatty and fun .
Due to the weather we could not meet up for about 2 weeks , but lots of calls and texts . Starting to open up to each other .
Date 2 on Thursday, again dinner and cinema this time too . Making plans for to do stuff . Went back his and well I would say dtd but considering her lasted about 5 seconds that's probably a lie . I said it was ok , it had been a while for him and we are both grown ups . Next time would be better .
Got one text on Friday saying he was having a bad day and now nothing . I am gutted , don't normally have sex that quick but it all felt right . Now I don't know what to think , am I a slapper in his eyes or is he embarrassed by what went on . Just don't believe I've been investing in him .
Is it just me that thinks that I choose the wrong ones everytime , all the idiots and users . I have had a few tears and checked my phone a million times . It just never gets any easier .

Buy I wouldn’t take it to heart, it could be a number of things but I’m guessing he is probably embarrassed at only lasting 5 seconds. Your probably better off shot of him, in my expereance with someone who lasted seconds was it didn’t get any better (tried 3 times and all equally as quick and disappointing).

Riiiiiiight then cracks knuckles

Love I have no clue about access but I’m guessing for a judge to rule that a man can’t see his kids the reason must be pretty serious, as you’ve said. It’d be a 🚩 for sure. I’ll read on to see if you’ve had further contact.

Hi Alison I’ve lost faith that the paid “high end” sites have any greater number of possibles. I’d been told before the guys on paid sites are on the free ones as well and I think that’s true.

Tinderella your approach to Mr M (seeing other irons) seems really sensible. And I’m sure someone will have said this, but unless and until you both agree exclusivity and delete the apps then you should probably assume he’s dating others. I’m taking this approach, which is one reason why I won’t DTD until that point (not just for my emotional sanity, but also I’d freak out about potential STDs and I don’t want to be just another fanny. Aware this is a v old fashioned approach, but I’m just embracing being an old fossil these days )

Vet don’t shave your legs just yet. Although pickins are so slim I’m now at the stage of WAing a mate photos captioned : This guy is “53”/ This guy is “49”/ This guy is “5ft 6” just to get some entertainment out of the whole sorry process. If I haven’t turned by my 50th it’ll be a fucking miracle.......

Pud I need some of that late 30s mojo to rub off (ooer) on my late 40s carcass. Maybe I’ll start replying to the much younger guys. Although I still balk at dating someone who won’t have an opinion on the best member of DuranDuran. (John, since you ask)

Ignoring that’s so true. I’ve applied it to my main relationships:
In my 20s: Satanic ExHusband: 2 and 4.
In my 30s: Mr HungAndHilarious: 1, half of 2 (could cook) 5
In my 40s: Mr Yowzer: 1,2,4,5.

So I’m improving. Just need to find a Mr Yowzer who isn’t (to all intents and purposes) married. Easy 🙄

Change you say you’ve got a couple of things to change: are they superficial? Otherwise is he the right person? I just think if what where and who you both are right now doesn’t gel, then maybe, harsh as it sounds, you just might not be right for each other? What though bring outing could you be a bit more specific. If you want to share, of course. (Or tell me to mind my own business and keep my opinions to myself, obvs )

Lost did you clean your oven? Hope it went well.....

Vista hope you had fun with Mr SA

Toe welcome! Can’t add to the wisdom of the others who’ve replied, really. Multidating is def the way to go, yes.

Pog how are you doing? And best rid; that guy is just plain rude. Can you block?

Bloody I hear you on the approaches from much younger guys and Doms. I’m not averse to the D/s dynamic in an established relationship, but no way am I getting into THAT conversation with someone I’ve never met in person, let alone established intimacy and trust with.
Likewise, if a guys got a thing about older women it means that if (and it’s a big if) a relationship begins it’s also sort of been generated from their fetish, for want of a better word. I’m a bit about that.

Smeaton if she IS normal and the age she says she is then get in there. I’m finding the two together rarer than hens teeth at the moment.

Esk1mo bummer about MrF. Overinvestment warning signs?

Insert yep I’d say those are going nowhere. Slowly. You could always ask for the second date; it’s not something I’d do and if a guy doesn’t ask within 24 hours of the first I’d write them off. But I like to know for sure that a guy is keen in the early days and have zero time for wishy washy. I’m also old and intolerant and will no doubt die single and alone with multiple cats feasting on my bloated carcass

So my update: am now on POF (will prob pay for 3 months) plus Match and Match Affinity til August.
Mr Moves was just not for me. I’m not sure about his stated age as his energy/mannerisms were quite a bit older than those of my bro, who is the same age. And conversation topics were a bit.....depressing. Zero common ground; although he also loves music our tastes are way different.
He messaged after so I’ve said thank you but not replied to his last text (as usual it didn’t really invite a response 🙄) so I’m hoping that it now dies a natural death.

I’ve a much needed weekend of doing bugger all, so I will probably do some actuve searching later. And I’m going to start data collecting now. One category will be Lying About Their Age. I know I can pass for a few years younger, but I can’t really believe me and mine are all ageing SO much better than the rest of the population......

God speed all of you out on dates today and updates from yesterday’s please: I need to live vicariously through you guys while I watch Dave Gahan videos and my bits gather cobwebs......

Thanks . It was awkward but I was really reassuring, held hands all the way home afterwards . Made plans for later in the week . How can they walk away ... No message no explaining . Do they have no conscience. I have sent 2 messages but nothing back , need to stop now before I look like a stalker lol

Sorry Buy: cross posted. Love is right, plus I’d say why worry more about what he’s thinking than how you feel about it?
If you think on reflection that you DTD (or an approximation of it ) too soon then that’s a great learning experience for next time. Plus wouldn’t you like to date a guy who’s a bit less.....avoidant around potential “issues”, after the fact?

And you don’t need to get outside opinions on whether you’re a “slapper”, honestly you don’t. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. You can shag a guy whenever you feel you want to. If you’re uncomfortable at how this experience went then maybe wait a bit longer next time; again the most important thing is how you feel about it all.

There’s a veritable fuckton of flakes, idiots, liars and users out there. Of both sexes, I hasten to add. If you have a firm idea about what you want from dating and strong boundaries that you naturally enforce, the idiots and users will be weeded out early doors and you’ll free up space for the decent, honest, unfuckedup guys to get close.

Hope you feel better soon

cover Thank you. Agree, going nowhere. I'm not going to ask for any more dates or contact. They both know I am interested, I was the last person to make contact in both cases. It's good to hear from someone else though. Disappointing on both counts as I liked them both and it's been a while since I've had any sex, so I was hoping at least one would get that far even if nothing more long-term came of it.

Buy - Really sorry you've been left feeling so shit. The suddenly going silent thing really sucks. Definitely stop messaging now, do you have anyone else you can message to take your mind off of this one?

Or they initiate chat contact then after a few exchanges disappear - what's that all about ? Losers

Isn't that just conversation? I started chatting to someone on POF earlier, as she'd looked at my profile, was quite attractive and didn't live far away. Exchanged messages on and off for a few hours.

In that time, she asked me one single question about myself. 'How long have you been single?' That's all. I asked about her job, her family, where she was from, when she last went on holiday, what food she likes, what does she do in her free time.. she answered most of them but they were all closed answers - a statement of fact, not a conversation. When I asked her what she thought of something she just didn't reply. And so I had to ask another question to try and keep some kind of dialog going, but I'm bored out of my mind now.

So I'll just leave it. Blood from a stone.

In some cases, people will be carrying on multiple conversations, and the least interesting ones just wither away of course. Men have multiple irons too, and you're competing for the attention of the guy against the other women they're chatting to. Sometimes I'll have no interest from anyone for a few days, other times I'll be trying to maintain four different conversations, although I'll weed out the dull ones quickly as I'd rather concentrate on one for a few days before I ask her out

The good news for you lot on here is that the vast majority of women I've chatted to online are really quite boring. Maybe a sixth of them are interesting enough to continue chatting to for more than a couple of dozen messages, the rest are just dull. So your competitors aren't generally as interesting as many of the women posting on this thread.

I am rubbish at multiple messaging so no other irons . Took my pic off PoF as we were going well . Obviously a mistake , think I jinxed it . Never mind been through worse and will survive another day .

I agree Bant, you can’t expect a stranger to stick around when they are not interested. I have had quite a few irons disappear after a day of chatting, if the chats not interesting or there’s something they don’t like about you then they are not going to hang or around, they don’t owe you anything (an explanation). I have had a few that I find really hard to talk too, too much effort so I just stop talking and move on to someone else.

Buy I no longer take myself off POF, if I have been on a couple of dates with someone I might hide my profile but it takes a lot for me to delete it now.

Special mention to cover first for mentioning so many people. I’m impressed!

buy don’t be disheartened. Someone I met on Bumble charmed/lovebombed me into bed on the second date. It was bloody good, but I’ve learnt from it. I’ve decided not to give in too quickly next time as he did a runner after date 3. But you have to do what you feel is right. If someone likes you they will come back again regardless of when you DTD.

insert I know what you mean about the contact thing. I don’t even get to first date mostly, although that’s my choice. I do find most of my conversations die off though, but that’s their problem not mine. Quite frankly when I get one word answers and no questions, I just think I have better things to do with my time. And any signs of oddness put me right off too. I can’t be bothered to make an effort if they don’t either. Being an optimist I figure there is someone out there, we’ve just not met yet.

Hi.
I had a home date with a guy I used to work with 30 yrs ago! God that makes me feel old. He recognised me from my photos so can't be bad. We had lots to talk about and I invited him to stay. We DTD and wowser is all I can say. He's 5 yrs younger but boy did he have stamina. Had to sit in a cool bath after he left . He's not ready for a full on relationship as lives with his sister atm. But we are going 'out out' tonight. I shall call him MrWow. Mr GingerNinja (3 home dates so far) had first call on tonight but said he had to be up early the next day and wanted to watch the rugby. I was so close to telling him to FO. Maybe I will. Need to generate a few more irons so I don't over invest in MrWow.
I really think like Alison the longer you do OLD, the more you learn about yourself. I've been letting my boundaries slip so any future irons will now be closely selected.
Hope all of us on dates tonight have fun! Updates in the morning. xx

So it’s a sad day for me here. Not sure why.. just browsing Match and all the men seem to be the same from when I first joined. All the same ones. Not sure why I’m saying this just seems pointless some days.

Well done on your comprehensive reply cover!

Buy remember it is not your fault. You did nothing wrong and he is probably really embarrassed about lasting so short a time. I know it hurts - I've been there - and it really helped chatting to other people to remind myself there were plenty more out there.

I have coffee tomorrow with Mr French. He's being very charming but I've been bitten enough times now to take things slowly and not believe anything they say until way down the line .

Good luck to everyone on dates tonight.

I’m just a gobshite, is all

I’m binge watching Ru Paul’s Drag Race and kind of wishing I was a gay man at the moment (Pud
)

covermelads I just LOVE Dave Gahan in the My Joy video in the cafe ..it's the understated passion in him in that .... OK he doesn't get his kit off but I can watch the I Feel You for that bit

Great post BTW " cats and bloated carcass " yup , me too ...