I just made a holy show of myself and feel oddly relieved now.

[JesusTapdancingChrist]

I messaged my ex asking if we could meet and got told in no uncertain terms that he wasn't interested and that I need to move on .

He's right. I do. And now that I've had a good old cry, I feel oddly at peace. I've spent months hoping he'd get in touch, convinced that he was still in love with me as well. Now I know 100% that he isn't, any uncertainty is gone and I have no choice but to put him behind me and move on. That feels almost like a positive right now.

The worst thing? I did this after he broke up with me in the first place by ghosting me. Where the hell is my self-respect .

A few months after he disappeared I started online dating and while it was fun to get dressed up and meet new people I knew that deep down I wasn't ready to be intimate with someone else. Knocked it on the head and have been feeling very lonely for the last few months (hence the bad, bad choices).

So that's that. I'm still not interested in dating but am going to focus on myself and my future now.

Manly pats on the back welcome.

Well DONE Jesus! thumps back

Yes, he drew a line under it for you. Never let somebody else have this power over you again. Learn from this and do what you say, focus on you. We have all done the demeaning thing over somebody - in time you will wonder what you saw in him, why the hell you were chasing him. The fact that he disappeared before perhaps made you even more keen on him. You didn't have closure, you have now.

Good for you! Such a shame you couldn't say, "No, I wanted to meet you to recommend some dentists who could help get rid of your bad breath."

Well done OP. .

Have to be honest I did click on here in case you were the lady from the thread the other day who got her new boobs out at a ladies only party and flashed them about/flung them in peoples faces.

So now you can be glad you've got closure AND glad you aren't that lady. Bonus.

Hard to hear but sometimes just what you need to truly move on!
Here’s to the future

Been there. The confirmation that they are no longer interested is quite freeing.

Concentrate on loving yourself. It's worth it. Well done

Do you have children? Other than that here's a pat on the back! Give yourself some time and breathing space. Men will still be there when you're ready. The only thing is to learn from this particular lesson.

Thanks both. Still cringing here.

It's definitely closure. The funny thing is that when we were together the dynamic was always very much that he was "punching". I (totally vainly) never imagined that he would be capable of rejecting me. He wanted a more conventional relationship than I did and I kept him at bay a bit. It never really had the potential to go anywhere so it's the right outcome regardless of how it's come about.

Towards the end he definitely started taking me for granted though. Plus, he carried his loose change around wrapped in a hanky .

Well done you! Do NOT dwell on this and feel humiliated (easy to do, been there myself). It would be a waste of your time and energy. Instead, do what if sounds like you're already doing, pick yourself up, look forwards, and move on into a bright future learning from this and then leaving it behind.

Oh you're all lovely. Thank you .

I have two DC. As does he. I never wanted to meet his or for him to meet mine so that's one of the main reasons it could never have worked. It's also why I struggle to ever see myself in a 'proper' relationship again tbh.

God damn I miss the sex though. I think that was a huge influencing factor in me contacting him. It's been 9 months now and I'm going a tad loopy. I'm definitely not a 'best way to get over one man yada yada yada' type of woman though although right now I wish I was.

I reckon you should just take some time out from the entire game. Get thee to Love Honey if you need some relief. But it doesn't sound like you're particularly ready to be dating or with a man at the minute.

I've tried to find it but can't but there was a thread recently in which a woman asked if anyone else was just 'done with men'. It doesn't have to mean forever but it just doesn't sound like you're ready to jump back in, as it were.

And remember emotions are quite illogical things. Today you might feel like you've finally got your answer and have moved on but next week you might find yourself missing 'him'.

Happy for you, Jesus!

Plus, he carried his loose change around wrapped in a hanky
how odd!

Woah, hold it right there. Loose change in a hanky??

I bet there were other oddities that you are dying to tell us. Come on, spill.

Sometimes we just need to hear that it's definitely over to be able to switch off the pining and the mooning and get the fuck over it don't we.

Well done for having the stupidity courage to contact him in the first place, hope you feel less mortified in time!

I know Vlad. Fairly sure I'll be missing him sooner than next week but my desperation has bottomed out today. I will never contact him again.

Going to take an indefinite hiatus from online dating. I enjoy the ego boost of being contacted/complimented etc but the actual dates I've been on I've found underwhelming and have been hyper-critical of the men when there's been nothing wrong with them. Sure signs that I'm not in the right headspace for it right now. Last date was in December. I ended it once sex became a real prospect and I chickened out.

Positives:

I have just painted my bedroom the most gorgeous shade (F+B Brinjal) and am in love with it so will be spending my child-free weekend this weekend hanging pictures and making it a real sanctuary for me. Will take extra happiness from not having to share it with a big hairy smelly bloke 😂.

I just put a photo I took today into 'How old do I look' and it said 26. I'm almost 38. Result 🤗😂.

How old are your dc if you don't mind me asking?

I need to find that bloody thread and post it here as it had some very similar experiences as you've described and good advice.

9 and 3.

They're amazing and me and their dad have an excellent friendship/co-parenting relationship. I'm totally focused on them right now but I know they'd benefit from seeing me be happy and fulfilled on a personal level in the years to come. Not that I think I need a relationship in order to be happy and fulfilled but I'm certainly not either of those things right now and need to work on that.

What do you reckon you eventually want? Casual/no-strings sex or a proper relationship with someone that'd be there for you and your lot? Or something in-between?

Good for you

I have just painted my bedroom the most gorgeous shade (F+B Brinjal)
Not to my taste OP but if you like it why not; it's your house
www.diy.com/departments/farrow-ball-brinjal-no-222-matt-estate-emulsion-paint-2-5l/1688724_BQ.prd?ppc_type=shopping&ds_kids=92700029904930130&utm_source=google_cpc&utm_medium=shopping&utm_campaign=PX_GSC_Home_and_Decor_Generic&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI94ixmMfJ2QIVKb7tCh0_uQDmEAQYASABEgL33fD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds&dclid=CNul8Z7HydkCFQkT0wodrmcC4w

It reminds me of 'Prize Plum' paint on the Direct TV adverts.

That was part of what I enjoyed about painting it tbh, not having to worry about anyone's opinion but my own . And I do really love how it looks.

Vlad up until now I wanted something of substance with one person but to only see them in my child free time. I realise after this whole mess with ex that that probably isn't possible and certainly doesn't lend itself to a relationship being able to develop or grow.

I understand that blended families etc work for many but it absolutely isn't what I want for my DC.

Casual/no strings sex I have found fun but ultimately soulless/meaningless.

I suppose the ideal situation would be to meet and fall in love with someone who just so happened not to have kids.

Clear as mud eh? I don't really know what I want tbh.

Love it! And YY to not having to share your space with anyone else, a proper retreat.

I'm sure the right thing will present itself, once your DCs are older there are so many more opportunities.

It looks lovely! Last time I tried to paint my walls my friend asked if my 3yr old niece had been let loose with a paint brush .

How long were you with your ex for? I mean the father of your dcs - not the subject of this thread. You say you have a fairly amicable relationship.

I've always found it best to take things as they come - so give myself time to heal before getting cracking again. For some it works inversely - they get cracking pretty much the next available opportunity. It's important to listen to your heart. Only you can know what you need.

Oh my energy stores are far too depleted to get cracking again straight away. Need at least a few months of wound-licking and self-reflection.

Was with DC's dad for 13 years. It ended 3+ years ago. The first year and a bit were rough (trying to let go of us as a couple and establish our new relationship as mates) but we're in a very good place now and I'm proud of us. The DC couldn't be happier or more well-adjusted so when everything else is going shit in my life I do take great comfort from that.