I just made a holy show of myself and feel oddly relieved now.

[JesusTapdancingChrist]

I messaged my ex asking if we could meet and got told in no uncertain terms that he wasn't interested and that I need to move on .

He's right. I do. And now that I've had a good old cry, I feel oddly at peace. I've spent months hoping he'd get in touch, convinced that he was still in love with me as well. Now I know 100% that he isn't, any uncertainty is gone and I have no choice but to put him behind me and move on. That feels almost like a positive right now.

The worst thing? I did this after he broke up with me in the first place by ghosting me. Where the hell is my self-respect .

A few months after he disappeared I started online dating and while it was fun to get dressed up and meet new people I knew that deep down I wasn't ready to be intimate with someone else. Knocked it on the head and have been feeling very lonely for the last few months (hence the bad, bad choices).

So that's that. I'm still not interested in dating but am going to focus on myself and my future now.

Manly pats on the back welcome.

It reminds me of 'Prize Plum' paint on the Direct TV adverts.
Sorry Direct Line TV adverts.

Did he use the hanky, sort of multi-functional, or was it purely for change?
Strange.

Anyway, well done.

badger never saw him use the hanky. That would've been an instant deal-breaker!

Am compiling a list of his bad points:

• He was a bit tight. Not a great tipper. Never managed to scrape together the £90 to get a passport so we could go away for a weekend break (I had offered to pay for flights).

• Didn't introduce me to his family. I only met his friends once or twice.

• He dealt with any issues by being an uncommunicative sulker. I'm a talker.

• He wouldn't give me more than a chaste peck if we were in public. Even if we hadn't seen each other in over a week.

• He held my hand the wrong way.

• Got me a ready made box of Lush products for Xmas. I got him 2 vintage limited edition prints based on his favourite old movies that I had to have shipped from US. My issue with this is the thought that went into it, not the expense.

He didn't like one sexual act that I do. Nothing wrong with preferences obviously but it's just another minor way in which we were incompatible.

• He made shit tea (full fat milk, bleurgh).

Well done you for getting the courage to ring him and take the rejection so well. Went through the same in Christmas and it was not fun. At least you didn’t reply to his response. I did, with such sympathy for him as he had lost me that he should have thought I was demented and left it at that

But as you say, closure came straight away. The “what ifs?” are gone and that has brought back a lot of peace.

Great to hear about your bedroom, perfect step in the right direction: Doing as you please because you wish and can. This is your space now. (It looks great, by the way)

Thanks @NotSureThisIsWhatIWant .

Had an awful night. Couldn't get to sleep till 3.30am then had a really convincing dream in which we were together doing normal stuff .

Another negative: He wore jeans that were a few inches too short. Flappy ankled twat.

Flappy ankled twat! I just spat a bit of tea out

Urgh with the tight. Total turn off.

He sounds tight all round. He ghosted you? Yuk yuk and YUK.

He ghosted you
He's mean and stingy
He sulks
He kept you from friends and family
He's thoughtless
He has shit dress sense

He's done you a favour JTC. With a username like that you clearly have a great sense of humour and deserve way better than a sulky fuckwit who carries his change in a hanky. Between that and the jeans the mental image I'm getting is Roy Cropper < not envy

Wish I could 'Like' your post @VetOnCall 😁.

Am going to train my brain to merge the image of him in my mind with Roy Cropper. That'll kill any lingering fanny gallops, for sure 😂.

glad to be of service.

If/when you decide to try dating again come and join in the dating thread, it saves my sanity on a regular basis!

Ahh OP - we've all been there in some capacity. You are only human, don't beat yourself up. You need time to do the things that make you happy, try some new things, time is a great healer.

Just had a read of your additional posts... you sound well rid of him!

Plus, he carried his loose change around wrapped in a hanky

Could have been worse, one of my friends carries his round in a tartan coin purse that belonged to his granny. He comes from the school of never discarding anything that could possibly be useful one day.

Good luck for the future, you'll find someone that ticks ALL the boxes soon.

Oh and your bedroom looks fabulous!

We have all been there.

Do you think it could be that you're insisted that he ghosted you as he was punching?

I love the colour of you walls by the way.

Insulted not insisting

Don’t forget at least 5 bad points for your list should be taken up by:
he carried his loose change around wrapped in a hanky

What I've found quite helpful in the past is to draft an e-mail expressing every single thing I felt about the relationship - including all sorts of foibles like carrying loose change in a hanky and sending it to myself. Not to the twat in question. It's very easy to lose your shit and find yourself face down in a pillow the next morning having palpitations because you sent the e-mail.

Well done. Stay strong and stay away. Sadly for me he is the kids Dad so have to keep I. Contact. But keeping it to. A minimum helps.

Holy show = rock bottom

"the only way is UUUUUP, baby!"

Well done OP

Been there, once I got over the embarrassment I found it very liberating.

Well done OP

@Emmageddon - I actually think a tartan purse would be less off-putting than the hanky but neither are ideal tbf.

@eve34 - that must be really tough . At least I never have to be in contact with this particular knobhead ever again. .

Humiliation Day +1 and I'm doing.....fine actually. Spent the day with the DC and the dog, playing in the snow, drinking hot chocolate and watching movies. It was really lovely. They're now at their dad's and I'm curled up on the sofa with Ddog draped across my lap (she's my saviour at the moment, don't know what I'd do without her), a in my hand because fuck it why not and a Hitchcock film on the TV. Not bad at all.

Have only re-run the mortifying text exchange between me and Roy Cropper in my head around 40 times today so am calling that a success. Aiming for 39 tomorrow 👍.

Well done. You are amazing and actually a huge inspiration to me. I’m taking a leaf out of your book

I keep commenting because I just love this thread, it’s really making me chuckle. Op you have a great sense of humour ... I’ve recently made a fool of myself trying to play a silly pick me dance (I lost!) ...but this is helping!

@AxlPose - glad it's helping you too .

Have decided I'm going to call him Ray Crapper from now on. I can't bring myself to desire someone with that nickname.

Bizarrely I received a very flirty message tonight from the very hot online dating guy who I almost slept with before Christmas. I'm still not in the right mindset for anything to happen but it's been a nice distraction this evening .

Onwards.

Not doing so great tonight .

Kids are at their dad's. I'm feeling incredibly lonely despite my best efforts to stay busy/not think about him. It would have been an 'us' weekend so if things were different I'd be sat on his sofa with him right now chatting and having a . Part of me would give anything for that.

There's no danger of me contacting him but I just feel very very low and the rejection is stinging even more than it did on reading his message.

and any empowering/distracting non-romantic film recommendations welcome.