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Original poster

Husband doing me a favour, when he feeds our children! Really?!

98 replies

WishfulWanderer · 26/02/2018 23:20

What do you do in your house? And What do you think of this:
My DH constantly says/thinks he is doing me a favour when on the rare occasion he picks up our children from school, or cooks dinner for them, or does something else I usually do. We both work full time, but I leave the office early to do school runs, dinner, bath, bedtime he does, lunches etc, and then log on to finish the rest of my work till late into the night. But because I am not in work all day long he says I don't work full-time which infuriates me. Anyway, he will say, as a favour to you do you want me to get some school snacks from the supermarket for the children, I appreciate him doing this but told him it is not a favour to me, it as a shared family goal, he says no it is a favour because those things are my job, because I don't work full time or earn as much as he.
I feel so upset, and annoyed by this idea that he is doing me a favour when he does something to help his won children.

OP posts:
Callamia · 26/02/2018 23:26

You know he’s being an utter dick about this. Normal men don’t imagine that their children are such a burden that it’s not their job to care for them.

What DOES he do that means he’s a dad at all? Just getting a wage packet isn’t enough, it’s not the 1920s...

MsJolly · 26/02/2018 23:27

He could do himself a massive favour by taking his head out of his own arse. Probably a bit hypoxic, twat.

DH tried that with "I've put some washing on for you" I say "no you haven't, presumably it's your clothes too, so therefore you've just put the washing on...not FOR ME!" "Ah, see what you mean, sorry", was the response I had.

Cricrichan · 26/02/2018 23:29

Ugh. Unfortunately I get the same crap amongst other things. We're splitting. Threaten to split and make sure he knows that he'll be doing you a lot more favours for 50% of the time!

FitBitFanClub · 26/02/2018 23:30

Tell him you're readjusting your working hours back to what he calls "full-time" then, and that he will have to do a 50% share of school runs.

Smeaton · 26/02/2018 23:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gamerchick · 26/02/2018 23:32

Weeeel what do you do for him? Do you wash his knickers? Socks? Etc?

Stop. Make a list of ‘favours ‘ you do and tell him you’re not going to do them anymore.

Be a red rag to a bull if someone said something was ‘my job’ when they’re a part of the household.

lightcola · 26/02/2018 23:34

Wow Shock

I get pissed when my OH refers to the washing basket as “mummy’s washing pile” ....and I’m a stay at home mum.

HotCrossBun12 · 26/02/2018 23:39

This made me proper annoyed. Show him this thread? HEY, OP'S HUSBAND! GET A GRIP!

Original poster
WishfulWanderer · 26/02/2018 23:39

I do everything, apart from outdoor work in the garden, visits to the tip.
Unknown to me he put a wash on, taking out everything that was in there, then put a few of his items in. He then had the cheek to say to me, when I was going to bed 'did you empty the washing machine' I said I hadn't and didn't know it was one, he grunted that he needed his jeans for tomorrow, and got the hump.

I still remember when by DS was a tiny baby, DH would come home from work, I'd tell him how exhausted I was, glad he was home to help, to which he said don't expect me to help on weekdays, I work, and need to go to them gym to let off steam, then off he went until 10pm. It was so lonely. He does show a little bit of regret about that, if pushed.

OP posts:
AnoiaUnstickMyDrawers · 26/02/2018 23:39

I gave my 20 Yr old colleagues a lecture today on not accepting wife work or the mental load as they start out in their own homes with their DPs.
Same goes for you OP. I bet you buy his family's birthday cards too, don't you? Wink

GottadoitGottadoit · 26/02/2018 23:43

He must be incredible in bed.

fuzzywuzzy · 26/02/2018 23:44

DInshallah by do any of his stuff, don’t wash his clothes or cook any meals for him or run any errands for him.

When he asks tell him oh I’m too busy working full time and looking after our children by myself to be doing you any favours (you fucking knobhead).

fuzzywuzzy · 26/02/2018 23:45

That should be don’t do anything for him

Shadow666 · 26/02/2018 23:51

But him the book Wifework or leave him. Seriously, he treats you with zero respect. Why do you put up with that?

Butterymuffin · 26/02/2018 23:57

What fuzzywuzzy said.

Garmadonsmum · 26/02/2018 23:59

Him: you don’t work full time
OP: oh yes I do I have a full time contract
Him: ??
Well what can he say? That you’re lying? He could imagine he works harder than you I suppose but if he is simply telling you you’re lying that is very serious indeed. What an unappealing man. Wouldn’t matter how long he spends in the gym, his attitude is ugly as fuck.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 27/02/2018 00:04

visits to the tip

La. De. Fucking. Dah. Poor wee lamb must be exhausted with that. Next time he goes to the tip I’d be telling him to pop himself into one of the skips while he’s there. Entitled, lazy shit.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 27/02/2018 00:07

Sorry, that was harsh calling your DH a shit, but fuck me its 2018 he needs to pull his finger out!

AnnieAnoniMouse · 27/02/2018 00:09

I would tell him that as he doesn’t appreciate you juggling your hours, you’re not going to do it 5 days a week now. So he’s now responsible for dropping them off & picking them up & doing all the evening chores every Wednesday & Thursday & alternate Fridays. That he’s now responsible for xyz jobs in the house and for shopping & meal planning every other week.

Stop doing the lionshare and all of the mental load.

Make sure YOUR careeer is on track.

GrockleBocs · 27/02/2018 00:14

I'd go with the "Oh dear I need to do my hours between 8 & 6 for the next 8 weeks. Which days will you be collecting the dc?"
Or scale back your household contribution to reflect the hours he thinks you work and save the money for a treat or solicitors fees

Original poster
WishfulWanderer · 27/02/2018 00:21

@thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter
I am in stitches laughing at your post, the tip, poor lamb.
Thank you for cheering me up
Now don't saw you did me a favour pls

OP posts:
gluteustothemaximus · 27/02/2018 00:42

I don’t get this. Man has job. Woman has job. Man and woman get together. Have children. Woman stays at home.

Man still has job. Life is still the same.

Woman has a new job. Unpaid. And relentless. 24/7 vs 9 to 5.

Woman does all the housework because she ‘doesn’t work’.

Man occasionally does woman a favour by washing his pants.

Seriously?

Why is raising children deemed not working?

Life never really changes for the man does it (in a lot of relationships).

I’m teaching my sons to pull their weight, and my daughter to not tolerate all the ‘wife work’.

AcrossthePond55 · 27/02/2018 00:50

And exactly what does he actually ADD to your life?

NotTheFordType · 27/02/2018 01:08

I think you should spend the next two weeks relentlessly telling him every time you've played parent.

"hi love, just to let you know I've done you a favour and dropped the kids at school."
"I've helped you out by cleaning your skid,arks off the toilet "
"I've fed the kids for you"
Etc etc. It will get really boring but you have to keep on.

Shoxfordian · 27/02/2018 07:35

He's a knob
I think because you've always done these things he expects them of you and therefore thinks of them as your job. Stop doing anything for him without reminding him you've done it like @not
thefordtype says.

Have a serious discussion about job division in your household