Husband doing me a favour, when he feeds our children! Really?!

[WishfulWanderer]

What do you do in your house? And What do you think of this:
My DH constantly says/thinks he is doing me a favour when on the rare occasion he picks up our children from school, or cooks dinner for them, or does something else I usually do. We both work full time, but I leave the office early to do school runs, dinner, bath, bedtime he does, lunches etc, and then log on to finish the rest of my work till late into the night. But because I am not in work all day long he says I don't work full-time which infuriates me. Anyway, he will say, as a favour to you do you want me to get some school snacks from the supermarket for the children, I appreciate him doing this but told him it is not a favour to me, it as a shared family goal, he says no it is a favour because those things are my job, because I don't work full time or earn as much as he.
I feel so upset, and annoyed by this idea that he is doing me a favour when he does something to help his won children.

What an utter, utter tosser.
It's making me angry just thinking about your husband's attitude.
Does he not realise how bloody lucky he is to have you??
You truly would be better off without him by the sound of it

or earn as much as he.

This would be the killer for me. What is the point of being married if he doesn't consider you as "worthy" as he is to the family? Would you earn as much as him if you charged him for your time?

Arghhh I get the fucking rage reading posts like these. Stop doing stuff for him and when he wants food/clean clothes tell him you’ll do this for him this once as a favour

Yes please text me like fordtype sauggested every time you do something AS A FAVOUR.

I would honestly write down every single thing you do. On paper he might be shocked

Fucking hell.
I'm a sahm at the moment, and (full time working) dh does more than your dh! I do most of the housework, as I'm around to do it more but dh still chips in as and when and would never call it "doing me a favour!" I would be furious about the washing machine stunt in your update- what an arse!

I hope you manage to make him pull his weight for your own sake, but also so that your dc don't grow up thinking this is how men and women divide the workload- it is not normal or fair.

That is truly awful and shocking, he clearly thinks you're nothing more than an appliance, I'd not put up with it and would be having a serious talk.

I'd leave a man like that.
Totally unacceptable!!! Sounds
Like a dick head

Argh typos I mean do as @NotTheFordType suggested and send him constant stream of texts every time you do "a favour"

I think he's a class A twat. I wouldn't need to do anything as I simply wouldn't be there. I'm with telling him to fuck off.

I'd have binned him off years ago, sorry. I could not be attracted to a knuckle dragging neanderthal like that.

Tbh, if he really feels that housework is your job, then by rights he assumes you should have the role of SAHM, and he needs to step up and earn more money so that you wont' need to supplement his meagre earnings with your full time salary.

Or you could just chuck him out and he can worry about his own jeans being dry in the morning.

Cheeky git!! Go on strike. Do nothing for him at all not even tea and tell him it's not your job. What a tit.

I remember having a massive fight with my first husband when he was unemployed (again) and I came in from work to find him doing ironing. I sat down and then he complained that I “hadn’t noticed all the stuff he’d done” he went on to moan about me not thanking him or acknowledging him. I took great delight in pointing out that in 13 years of marriage he’d never once said “thank you” to me for anything and then I reminded him that housework is a fucking thankless task.
Your husband sounds as arsey as my ex.

As a dm with adult dc and some with different df, the pattern being the same of useless articles who say they are dh +df but really useless man children - the overall theory +conclusion I have come to in my wisdom is this :
For every loving thing you do for your dc be it a washing cycle /packed lunch / plaster on a knee / trip to the supermarket - with sweets! /duvet day due to illness/helping with homework /refereeing between siblings /friendships , it all adds up to an amazing relationship with your hormonal teen /ambitious home leaving adult dc. The df 's who don't invest wisely with these things leave themselves wide open to zero /zilch relationship with their own offspring. As teens my ds' s went nc with their df due to lack of parenting /boundaries and general didn't give a shitness. Remind them dc are like investments - you only get out what you put in - and us good dm's get it back ten fold!

What do you get out of being married to him?

Because in practical, day-to-day terms, it sounds as if you manage as a single parent anyway, with your flexible job. He can continue to contribute cash from his "full-time job that earns more", and also pick up the children from school and cook dinner now and then (on his contact days).

He'd honestly have to have some extremely redeeming features for me to put up with this.

He treats you with contempt. Nobody should live with that.

My Exh was like this. He once posted on FB that he was "babysitting" when I went out.

He had to take the post down due to the barrage of abuse he got.

He still didn't get it and still doesn't - twat!

Sounds like a bit of a dick.

We split child care and household chores 50/50. One does morning school run, one does evening. One does DS's taekwon-do, one does his swimming.

One cooks, the other does laundry. Both pay 75% of our pay into a joint bank account for all bills, expenses and a cleaner. I earn x2 of that of OH.

I'd have binned him off years ago, sorry. I could not be attracted to a knuckle dragging neanderthal like that.

My thoughts EXACTLY! I got The Rage reading the OP

I would not be married to a man with that little respect for me.

Easy for us to say LTB, but he really needs to understand you're a family, and a partnership. My DH is out 6am to 9 pm 3 days a week, and flexible work the other 2. Today we are both home, he has done 2 washing loads and hung out, cleaned up the dog shit in garden, I've made lunch, done ironing (he put away), now he is doing his admin work, I'm doing our accounts then he will get the kids while I make tea. At no point are we doing each other a favour. Tell your DH to get into 2018 or get stuffed.

Pack him a bag and ask him to stay elsewhere until he can control his tongue.

I've seen it sadly though from both sexes, each making out they are doing the other a favour by parenting or doing normal everyday adult tasks.

'd have binned him off years ago, sorry. I could not be attracted to a knuckle dragging neanderthal like that.
^This. Saying I don’t work full time when I do would be an instant fuck off, it’s exactly the same as saying ‘you don’t matter’. Assuming you don’t want to Ltb please please do 1. tell him every single thing you do for the kids or family ,phrased as a favour. If you aren’t sending him over 20 messages a day you’ve probably missed stuff.and 2. Starting next week tell him you are working regular full time hours because your marriage can’t survive his lack of respect for your flexible working arrengemtn. He does half of the drop offs and pickups and you don’t give a flying fuck how he makes it work. Just as rather than respect your efforts to make it all work he has basically told you they count for fuck all.

I don't know why I am still with him 15yrs on.
So I told him I'm going to have to do all my full time hours in the office, so we will need to split school runs and all the other jobs. He said the kids can do after school club 5 days, so will have an hour to collect them when I finish. I said it'll be awful for them, he said he can't help so they'll have to accept it, or if I'm so bothered then I should not work in the office. That his job is more important it pays more and he has to travel overseas every two weeks so can't help with school runs or house jobs.

So what are you going to do now? He has basically said his needs trump yours and your children and that he is never goign to do anything

Wow. What a twat. Basically his time is 'worth more' than yours because he's paid more? Sorry arsehole, parenting doesn't work like that.

He's not going to change. He knows that when push comes to shove you'll either do the Club or cave on working at the office.

Personally, I'd say OK we'll do afterschool club but YOU are paying for it since YOU are the one who is shirking his responsibilities. And that he's going to do drop offs/pickups 50% of the time. Of course, if you have joint finances or his hours aren't 'right' those are probably an empty threats.

Have you asked yourself if you'd be better off without him yet?

Shockingly he's now suggested if I move to Belgium where lot of his work is then he'd travel less, be home earlier, would help more, and earn even more so I wouldn't even need to work so wouldn't have to worry about jobs/school run as I'd have more time. Also that I could find a job there, or have another baby.
Yes I have considered leaving him.