Is this an acceptable reason for cheating?

[Ilovefruitpastilles]

I know there’s no acceptable reason for cheating really but sometimes can circumstances make someone vulnerable when in different circumstances they wouldn’t have dreamt of doing it?

My DH has cheated and it seems to have been down to a few things but he says the main reason was sexual rejection. Our sex life has got progressively worse over the past year and it had got to the point where I never wanted it and certainly never initiated anything. We were going through a very difficult period in our marriage and our relationship had deteriorated so much that I didn’t feel loving towards him at all and if he initiated it and we did sleep together it was pretty obvious that it was just a chore to me and I wasn’t really enjoying it.

He said enduring this for a year (and we did have differences before this as his sex drive is higher) had made him feel really depressed and he thought I didn’t fancy him or love him and was rejecting him. It made him feel absolutely terrible about himself so that when he then met someone who paid him a lot of attention (plus other stressful things in his life were going on to do with family) he started a friendship which then led to an affair.

I believed prior to this that if someone cheated you should leave as the trust that your relationship was built on was gone but now I’m in this situation I don’t know what to do.

There are several threads on here about relationships with no sex and everyone says how awful it makes them feel about themselves and how rejected and unfanciable they feel, and I believe he did feel that way. Obviously we both should have talked to each other about the way we were feeling as I felt that he wasn’t treating me well at the time which is why I was finding it difficult to be loving towards him, but we didn’t talk and now we are in this situation.

We’ve talked a lot now and do still love each other and want the marriage to work but I’m finding it difficult to get over the betrayal even though I sort of understand what led him down that path.

Sorry for the essay but it would be good to hear what others think.

Hi dear,
Yes your dear husband's actions are definitely justified and it is not really considered cheating in this case because he is nice enough to be honest with you and actually discuss his problems. Think about your husband here too.

If one is denying someone sex and intimacy intentionally for whatever reason, which is absolutely crucial for a relationship, especially for the man, then that person is accountable for their partner's "cheating" actions. Sorry.

Thus, you either find out why you are like that and change. And whether or not you can actually change.
If you cannot then the only way to maintain the relationship is to allow your husband to seek sex with another person. Cause men are different and sex plays an important role for them. Trust me. Most men in this situation actually continue to have sex with another person only in order to maintain their current relationship. Women are the opposite.

If that is not comfortable for you then going separate ways maybe the only way but that should ONLY be the LAST option, in my opinion.

One cannot NOT take accountability, be selfish and also play the victim role at the same time. Simple.
Sorry for being direct and honest but it is the one the pragmatic solution to your problem, no point sugar coating it won't be helpful.

All the best. Hope it all works out.