ADVICE or THOUGHTS ON ADULT FRIEND GROUP ISSUE

[TITANIUMPINS]

So wondered if anyone had any words of wisdom to help me put this to bed. I have (had) a circle of friends, we all meet regularly, husbands are friends and the kids have all been friends since P1 they are now 13.
So Friend A was who i became friendly with and she introduced me to here good friend B and her sister C. About 2 years ago another girl was introduced to the group and from then on really it was all about D and that was hurtful at first but I got on with the others and didnt want to rock the boat.

Over the last year friend A has really been bullying me: snide texts, rolling eyes with friend D, the butt of the jokes under the guise of friendship, excluding me on occasion and not responding on group chats etc. Putting down any achievements and generally not being very nice. One example would be when friend A&D both had a go at me for dropping nail polish on the floor of a pub (I was picking at it).
So obviously I dont want to hang out with her or D again.

It is so difficult though as my DH is very good friends with friend As husband and all the kids of the entire group are big friends too.

This is where I wonder if you have anything to help now that its become apparent that FRIEND A and I are not gong to be friendly friend B& sister C now no longer keep in contact they are freindly if I contact them but thats it. Seems our friendship was only based on being pals with A. We have hung out for 5 years and I feel really hurt.

I feel for my DS too as this is his friendship group too. All my group of so called friends met up yesterday to watch rugby with their families and my son asked to be dropped off so he could hang out with his friends. He asked if i was sad that I wasn't invited and I said no and I said are you sad and he said yes. When i dropped him off i bumped into sister C and her family and she was friendly but it was very awkward.

Why would other friends only be your friend if you are friends with one person and why have they effectively condoned A's behaviour.

this is what keeps running through my head WHY and I suppose if it wasn't for it effecting DS I might not be as bothered :-(

No, I didn’t confide in other friends only my family and my therapist. I decided I wanted a fresh start and didn’t want to be a moaner or seen as toxic. I thought all round positivity was the only way to recover rather than wallowing.

Yes that's a good decision ! Positivity I like it !!!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still hurting but I’m focused on the future now. We are even moving to a totally new area far away so that we can get a completely fresh start. Onwards and upwards.

I feel a bit embarrassed that people might judge me no smoke and all that

Don't waste your emotion on worrying about that, let people make up their own minds and if they're the kind who judge you unfavourably over hearsay, then their opinions are hardly worth a light.

I second the advice to go about your business, for you and DH to remain very neutral, smiling and brushing it all off. It'll only gain momentum or upset you if you let it.

Think of this situation as a meal that you don't like the taste of and which is disagreeing with your stomach, would you really keep on eating it?

@chickenmom sounds like a new start will be great those ex friends seemed to have really done an awful number on you . I hope they get it back tenfold. You sound like a fab lady !!!

Brilliant analogy @enriquetheringbearinglizard .

I'm going to try and stop wallowing (great word) for all i know maybe A told the others a bunch of lies but if they can't come check then no they are not worth bothering about. I just need to try and rise above it and hope DS and friends just get on themselves. I feel better knowing I'm not the only one and deep down I know it's not me it's them otherwise I'd have experienced this before now.