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Original poster

Is it ok to keep in touch with an affair partner?

123 replies

Dovesprologue · 24/02/2018 17:03

Both me and my husband cheated on each other (he was first). Although nature of our affairs was different we both cheated on each other.
I work in the same company as my affair partner and naturally we have contact through work, but when I find it tough I call him outside of work and we have a chat. He makes me feel better. We never talk about the affair and sex we had, we just talk about every day things and about my feelings when things between me and my husband were tough.

Every time my husband finds out I was talking to my affair partner he is upset, angry and doesn’t tolerate it.

My affair ended, I do not meet my affair partner after hours, there is nothing between us anymore, we only work together and I enjoy talking to him sometimes.

Am I doing anything wrong or is it my husband who blows it out of proportion?

OP posts:
Dramlass · 24/02/2018 22:43

No it really isn't ok

LemonSqueezy0 · 24/02/2018 23:59

You aren't doing all you can at all. At all. You're being an AskHole. Asking advice you're not going to take.

You're in the wrong. Stop being a dick.

KarmaStar · 25/02/2018 00:18

Hi OP
You wrote that you ring him when you need support,you are with your dh because?does he not provide support or do you enjoy having two men in your life?
To answer your question,no it isn't ok.let your AP move on and concentrate on either dedicating to trying to repair your marriage or ,if u no longer want to commit and love and respect your dh,and he no longer feels the same,set each other free.
But first of all cut out your calls to AP.all calls.

OutyMcOutface · 25/02/2018 00:20

How can you not tell that this is wrong? Confused

Quimby · 25/02/2018 00:36

“His was definitely emotional, with some intimacy, but they both aware they never had sex or been naked together.
I went a step further and had sex few times.
”

😂😂😂😂😂

I’m making a false equivalency and acting like a cunt, am I a cunt??????

Addy2 · 25/02/2018 03:56

Sounds like you're still in the grip of an emotional affair, OP. You need to decide who is more important to you - your DH or the other man. You can only have one, I'm afraid. Can't have your Cake and eat it too.

Thistlebelle · 26/02/2018 02:57

OP the person who you speak to when it all feels too much, when you need support, when you need to have a chat is your husband.

Not another man.

If you need to speak to him for work keep your conversations professional only.

If you want to save your marriage you need to do the work.

Successful marriages are maintained through consistent effort and communication.

Talk to your husband, not anyone else.

Slapdasherie · 26/02/2018 03:27

How on earth do you think what you are doing is any different from your husband's emotional affair??

Jesus wept.

Slapdasherie · 26/02/2018 03:29

Stop justifying your behaviour because your husband cheated first - you don't get some kind of Affair Credit Points, you know.

LillyHayes · 04/06/2018 05:43

I can tell you from the other side of the coin, my husband cheated and insists on remaining friends with her, hes still texting and calling.

I guts me each time.

Its wrong and its really selfish.

If you want your marriage to succeed you cannot remain friends with your affair partner. If at work only every keep it professional.

Need to both be honest and truthful if you want to move forward.

If on the other hand you don't want your marriage to work, go for it.

MyOtherProfile · 04/06/2018 05:53

That's so horrible for you Lilly.

The OP never came back on so I guess she didn't like what people were saying on here and chose to continue her affair. I hope I'm wrong.

FuckPants · 04/06/2018 06:10

LMAO this can't be real.

Merlinshat · 04/06/2018 07:13

Sadly, it probably is. I am the same problem with my dp. Insists it is fine and all under control and that they can be friends.....

Timeissliplingaway · 04/06/2018 07:18

Is this a joke? Of course that's not ok!

Timeissliplingaway · 04/06/2018 07:21

I think people that are in this situation need to get tough and as other insist the cheats have no contact or send them packing. Don't let yourselves be walked over like this!

Clubcuts · 04/06/2018 08:03

I call rubbish

hellsbellsmelons · 04/06/2018 08:56

Am I doing anything wrong or is it my husband who blows it out of proportion?
The fact you have to ask is very disturbing.
Please end this charade of a marriage.
You've both cheated.
You are still having an emotional affair.
You don't get support from your DH.
This is really going nowhere.
End it and be done with it.
It's not working for either of you.

Clubcats I'm hoping so.

SoupDragon · 04/06/2018 08:59

You are having an emotional affair. Of course your DH is pissed off.

SoupDragon · 04/06/2018 09:01

He had an affair first.

And you went out and shagged someone. Repeatedly. And remained in contact and emotionally involved.

TacoLover · 04/06/2018 09:04

Just because your DH cheated first doesn't mean you are less guilty than him. And personally I would say yours was worse because you had sex with him(more than once). And you are still having an emotional affair with him right now if you are meeting him for 'emotional support' and your DH doesn't like it.

Waitedtoolong · 04/06/2018 09:24

If you are really serious about saving your marriage you would not be keeping affair partner on the back burner.
If I was your DH I’d be seriously considering bailing out.

yetmorecrap · 04/06/2018 09:30

Do you tell your husband you are doing this??

TheGreatestHo · 04/06/2018 13:03

It's not fucking ok. At all. You're delusional

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