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Original poster

Is it ok to keep in touch with an affair partner?

123 replies

Dovesprologue · 24/02/2018 17:03

Both me and my husband cheated on each other (he was first). Although nature of our affairs was different we both cheated on each other.
I work in the same company as my affair partner and naturally we have contact through work, but when I find it tough I call him outside of work and we have a chat. He makes me feel better. We never talk about the affair and sex we had, we just talk about every day things and about my feelings when things between me and my husband were tough.

Every time my husband finds out I was talking to my affair partner he is upset, angry and doesn’t tolerate it.

My affair ended, I do not meet my affair partner after hours, there is nothing between us anymore, we only work together and I enjoy talking to him sometimes.

Am I doing anything wrong or is it my husband who blows it out of proportion?

OP posts:
elisenbrunnen · 24/02/2018 20:12

*that is NOW an emotional affair

Madupfam · 24/02/2018 20:13

Lol

kubex · 24/02/2018 20:15

You're not even trying to save your marriage!

bitzy12 · 24/02/2018 20:15

*'I know he finds it tough, I do all I can'
*
Mmmm no.......you are still have emotional conversations with the man you had an affair with....that really isn't doing all that you can is it?

Doing all you can would be cutting this man from your life completely, changing your job and putting every bit of strength you can into your marriage

Even with all these replies, you don't seem to get it still.

You are best just separating

involveddad · 24/02/2018 20:17

bang out of order, you should both decide if you want to continue or call it a day. If you decide to continue change job. its time to S**t or get off the pot.

lucylouuu · 24/02/2018 20:23

of course it's not ok what is wrong with you? why are you still with your husband if a random colleague you were shagging knows you so much better and tells you all the right things? go and be with him and stop being so heartless and hurting your husband by continuing to do this when he's told you he's upset by it

Anasnake · 24/02/2018 20:25

He tells you things you want to hear ????
He panders to your ego in other words.

AnotherPlaceAnotherTime · 24/02/2018 20:30

Not ok OP imo

HobnobBob · 24/02/2018 20:32

No you really aren’t doing all you can. Hope that helps.

Ophelialovescats · 24/02/2018 20:37

So, you are not seeking professional helpto sort our your marriage and you are still in touch with your affair partner?
Do you want a relationship with the affair partner and are 'staying ' in your marriage to make him jealous?

AlexaAmbidextra · 24/02/2018 20:38

Don't be fucking disingenuous. Of course it's not ok - but you know that really. Hmm

starlightafar · 24/02/2018 20:40

Why are you together?

greendale17 · 24/02/2018 20:41

No it is not okay. But then you already know that.

His was an emotional affair. Your affair was physical. Now you still talk to your affair man . Am surprised your husband hasn’t left you

Redglitter · 24/02/2018 20:44

Of course it's not alright. You're still emotionally involved with the OM. Your husband quite understandably doesn't like it yet you continue. You need to decide what you want. If it's to stay married stop contacting or talking to the OM. Otherwise do your husband a favour and leave him. And stop with the 'He did it first' crap

thiskittenbarks · 24/02/2018 20:45

Not okay. You need to find someone else to talk to.

SciFiG33k · 24/02/2018 20:49

Your not trying to save your marriage as you've just changed your physical affair to an emotional one. So basically your still doing to your DH what he did to you.

twattymctwatterson · 24/02/2018 20:51

You're still having an affair. It's an emotional affair rather than a physical one now. Either pack it in and actually work on your marriage or leave

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 24/02/2018 20:55

I hope you and your H dont have kids. Poor kids being stuck in this mess.

RoryAndLogan · 24/02/2018 20:59

HmmHmmHmm

JustAnotherPoster00 · 24/02/2018 21:02

I hope you and your H dont have kids. Poor kids being stuck in this mess.

Youre going to need to start saving for their therapy if you do have kids OP

Voice0fReason · 24/02/2018 21:14

Why are you married?
When you want someone to talk to, why not talk to your husband?

Gazelda · 24/02/2018 21:26

Do you try to hide the fact that you have these convos from your husband? If you do, then you are being deceitful. If you don't, then you are taunting him with your connection to your AP.

SandyY2K · 24/02/2018 21:30

He makes me feel better.

about my feelings when things between me and my husband were tough.

No it's not okay. You are continuing the affair on an emotional level.

SandyY2K · 24/02/2018 21:32

I need to gather strength to keep going and make certain I have done absolutely everything to save our marriage

If you're truly serious about it,
look for another job and block your affair partner. You need to go total no contact .

RainbowDash09 · 24/02/2018 22:36

Helllllll fucking no

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