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Original poster

Is it ok to keep in touch with an affair partner?

123 replies

Dovesprologue · 24/02/2018 17:03

Both me and my husband cheated on each other (he was first). Although nature of our affairs was different we both cheated on each other.
I work in the same company as my affair partner and naturally we have contact through work, but when I find it tough I call him outside of work and we have a chat. He makes me feel better. We never talk about the affair and sex we had, we just talk about every day things and about my feelings when things between me and my husband were tough.

Every time my husband finds out I was talking to my affair partner he is upset, angry and doesn’t tolerate it.

My affair ended, I do not meet my affair partner after hours, there is nothing between us anymore, we only work together and I enjoy talking to him sometimes.

Am I doing anything wrong or is it my husband who blows it out of proportion?

OP posts:
YearOfYouRemember · 24/02/2018 18:55

This isn't ridiculous. How would you feel if your dh was seeking to feel better with his OW? If you say you wouldn't mind you're either lying, seeking to justify your awful behaviour, or you don't love your h anymore.

Grow up. This is all kinds of wrong. His poor wife.

DesertSky · 24/02/2018 19:01

Out of interest, who had their affair first?

I think you are being completely irritational and disrespectful to your husband tbh. If you are both committed to making your marriage work, there has to be boundaries and mutual respect.

LemonSqueezy0 · 24/02/2018 19:02

Fucking hellSmile

You're still having an affair and expecting your husband to accept it is really abusive!

Perhaps you need to reconsider the future of your marriage but if you don't want to end it, you really need to be kinder to your husband and respect the boundaries....

HobnobBob · 24/02/2018 19:10

You’re still having an affair.

Original poster
Dovesprologue · 24/02/2018 19:10

He had an affair first.

OP posts:
numptynuts · 24/02/2018 19:21

Tit for tat OP? Doesn't make it any better.

And what you're doing, I'm amazed your DH even tolerates you still work with the OM. I find this astounding!

princesssparkle1 · 24/02/2018 19:26

This is a wind up

DesertSky · 24/02/2018 19:26

You are still punishing him for his affair. It sounds like you don’t want to move on. Telling yourself it’s still perfectly fine to retain a relationship with the OM. How would you like it if your husband was still friendly and in close contact with the woman he had an emotional affair with?

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 24/02/2018 19:26

You're still having an affair (is the affair partner married?) and you are treating your husband with contempt.

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 24/02/2018 19:27

You're still having an affair (is the affair partner married?) and you are treating your husband with contempt.

Helpimfalling · 24/02/2018 19:31

No no no you crazy people

Ophelialovescats · 24/02/2018 19:34

Are you taking any of the advice being given here OP?

Original poster
Dovesprologue · 24/02/2018 19:35

My affair partner was and still is single, his affair partner was and I think still is married

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 24/02/2018 19:36

1/10 Not even remotely funny Biscuit

MadMags · 24/02/2018 19:37

This is not true.

salmonofwisdom · 24/02/2018 19:41

This sounds reasonable to me, as from what you have said you are not pursuing sexual or intimate relationship with the other person. Sounds like your husband is jealous because he's out of the loop. Perhaps just clarify with him exactly what your relationship is with the other person. Honesty is always the best approach.

GeorgeTheHippo · 24/02/2018 19:49

Er no. Of course it's not ok.

Original poster
Dovesprologue · 24/02/2018 19:49

I carefully read every post.

I can assure you I’m not doing this to punish him or to be spiteful.
At work we see each other sometimes, but we work in different offices and I make every effort to minimise any unnecessary “bump ins”.

Long before the affair we had this string of understanding that to some extend we still have. The affair was short and obviously it’s impossible to return to revert relationship between two people to what it was before we got closer, but for me the affair ended long ago. It’s not like I’m running to him or in that case calling him every time I have a personal or relationship problem.
We don’t chat that often really. I did turn to him for emotional support in the past, but we also talked about normal day to day things. Not feelings, just chat.

OP posts:
user1471444370 · 24/02/2018 19:51

While you are still in touch with your affair partner your relationship has no future.. it doesn't matter who cheated first

Original poster
Dovesprologue · 24/02/2018 19:52

Thank you for your comment. I really do not pursue sex/intimacy meeting him or anything like that. It’s only talk and nothing else.

OP posts:
honeyroar · 24/02/2018 19:53

It sounds like a pointless marriage. He cheated, you "forgave" him but had an affair yourself, and now you've no compassion or understanding as to why your husband is upset. There's no trust, no care - heck is there any love even?? It sounds like you may as well call it a day.

bitzy12 · 24/02/2018 19:57

If you are still talking to him, you are still cheating

kubex · 24/02/2018 20:07

@MrsKFA you're obviously a dick!

Original poster
Dovesprologue · 24/02/2018 20:11

We have hurt each other beyond belief, but the truth is I can’t imagine life without him. I do believe things will get better between us and I do support him as much as I can. I know he finds it tough, I do all I can. Maybe being in touch with my affair partner is wrong, but really I don’t think there is anyone else who can say things I want to hear. I might show my weakness here, but there is only so much I can handle and carry. Sometimes I feel it’s too much. I’m not intentionally hurting my husband but I need to gather strength to keep going and make certain I have done absolutely everything to save our marriage.

OP posts:
elisenbrunnen · 24/02/2018 20:12

So he 'only' had an emotional affair - you then had a sexual affair that is not an emotional affair?

How is this ok for either of you?

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