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Original poster

Is it ok to keep in touch with an affair partner?

123 replies

Dovesprologue · 24/02/2018 17:03

Both me and my husband cheated on each other (he was first). Although nature of our affairs was different we both cheated on each other.
I work in the same company as my affair partner and naturally we have contact through work, but when I find it tough I call him outside of work and we have a chat. He makes me feel better. We never talk about the affair and sex we had, we just talk about every day things and about my feelings when things between me and my husband were tough.

Every time my husband finds out I was talking to my affair partner he is upset, angry and doesn’t tolerate it.

My affair ended, I do not meet my affair partner after hours, there is nothing between us anymore, we only work together and I enjoy talking to him sometimes.

Am I doing anything wrong or is it my husband who blows it out of proportion?

OP posts:
Hotdoggity · 24/02/2018 18:15

Not being funny but yours was worst. You should be doing what you can to make sure DH knows that it won’t happen again. Or just split up.

Original poster
Dovesprologue · 24/02/2018 18:15

As far as I know he is not in contact with woman he cheated on.
They spoke once or twice but he told me that.

OP posts:
Aprilshowerswontbelong · 24/02/2018 18:16

So you can be sure he will be back in touch with his bit stuff now as pay back...

Shehz21 · 24/02/2018 18:18

Ugh Op. Just UGH.

TheButterflyOfTheStorms · 24/02/2018 18:18

I call him outside of work and we have a chat. He makes me feel better.

Yeah, can't see any issue there. Just kidding, have a fun divorce.

Ophelialovescats · 24/02/2018 18:21

Unless you get professional help your marriage will die .

ClaryFray · 24/02/2018 18:24

Nope. If you wanna Stay married after an affair you stick with your partner.

JoJoSM2 · 24/02/2018 18:27

Your husband should be your rock and the one you chat to in difficulties. If you turn to the affair guy instead, that's not on and clearly shows that your marriage isn't working.

NorthernLurker · 24/02/2018 18:27

You're still having an affair! An affair isn't just sex.

RafikiIsTheBest · 24/02/2018 18:28

But surely you realise that you're having an emotional affair? Just like the affair your husband had???

Either make it work with your husband and tell him and talk to him when your struggling or call it quits and let the poor guy move on and you move on too.

tafftum · 24/02/2018 18:31

Honestly op I'm surprised you even had to ask Hmm

AtrociousCircumstance · 24/02/2018 18:31

You feel entitled to continue your relationship with your affair partner because of the problems in your marriage.

The marriage is the problem. Living a deceitful half-life isn’t good for anyone.

Hotdoggity · 24/02/2018 18:34

If an affair is over and someone is really regretful, they don’t feel comfortable revisiting that relationship. I agree, you’re essentially still cheating.

Munchyseeds · 24/02/2018 18:34

No it is not ok

Bluedoglead · 24/02/2018 18:35

This is a reverse, right?

TheJoyOfSox · 24/02/2018 18:37

You’re walking a very thin line, it sounds dangerous and I know I’d be very upset if I found out my husband was having intimate little chats with an ex lover, let alone an ex affair lover! And we have a very stable, trusting relationship. Your poor husband, no wonder he is so intolerant, he has no idea if you are being faithful or not.

Is there really nobody else you can sound off to after a tough day? I’m sorry, but I don’t believe that your ex is the only one you can talk to.

AmazingGrace16 · 24/02/2018 18:42

I'm sure I've seen some of your posts before...
Did you post about you wanting to leave your DH and have a future with your AP? And that you and AP had both agreed you wouldn't want to get married to each other as it's not for you? And are you the same person who wanted to let his DW know about the affair?

If so...
Sounds like you don't really know what you want and that you are trying to have everything (which you can't have)

jaimelannistersgoldenhand · 24/02/2018 18:43

Using your affair partner as an emotional crutch is totally unreasonable.
The contact you have needs to be stuff like making him tea if you're doing a tea round or holding the door if he's carrying stuff (ie polite stuff that all reasonable people do for colleagues)

RollTopBath · 24/02/2018 18:44

Surely you’re not serious?

MachineBee · 24/02/2018 18:46

Not on. I’m amazed your DH is still with you. My ExH had lots of affairs. He was caught out in contact again with the last mistress and that finished it for me.

Original poster
Dovesprologue · 24/02/2018 18:50

This is my very first post. I’m new on here.

OP posts:
princesssparkle1 · 24/02/2018 18:51

Every time my husband finds out I was talking to my affair partner he is upset, angry and doesn’t tolerate it.

Of course he doesn't tolerate it. Fucking grow up. Jesus.... are you nuts?

MadMags · 24/02/2018 18:51

Aye ok.

IrianOfW · 24/02/2018 18:54

No.

No no no no no no.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 24/02/2018 18:54

Well, for starters you havent ended your affair, you've just stopped shagging him, probably because you think you wont get away with that anymore.

You obviously dont value your marriage or your husband much, if you continue contact with the OM. Are you trying to punish him for his affair?