NC Dignity Club part 7: always wear your invisible crown

[Belonger]

A thread for anyone wanting support with going or staying in No Contact. No judgement, just lots of support. Warning: this thread can seriously increase your willpower and self esteem!

Recommend also visiting website from Natalie Lue, Baggage Reclaim, or reading her book The No Contact Rule.

[Teensandfuture]

Oldbrook
But he never told you he loves you did he?
In my case they did tell me they love me, at least at some point so it's so hard to see things for what they really are and not what they say .in my mind it always would be: he doesn't want a relationship because he's going through difficult time but he loves me. But then I realise if he loved me he wouldn't want to let me go because I'm great, I'm supportive, I'm intelligent I'm not liability I can't make things worse, I can only make them better!
And if everything I am able to offer is not needed it's only because love is not there, nothing else..

[Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname]

ravenscloak I actually need to screenshot that and carry it on my phone at all times !

What I struggle with are the times when we would normally have seen each other e.g. Saturdays !! I would usually have been seeing him today .

Day 16 NC
Day 33 since I last saw him face to face

[Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname]

He misses the you that was his biggest fan This in particular esp relating to my NC.

teens could have written your post !

[Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname]

getting thank you . I had hoped that OLD would be a diversion to get Mr Golden Penis out of my head but it is a double edged sword .

[Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname]

I must apologise for all my bitty posts - one of these days I will get the hang of thanking /commenting in one lovely post BUT I forget from page to page . I have tried to do it by composing in the box then copying and repasting but I am just crap at it

[seshi]

Morning everyone.... Decided last minute to go out with work friends last night... Feeling very hungover... Remember coming in listening to sad songs and crying BUT I did not message! Before this thread I would have done... Feeling crap and missing him but its a small win xx

[gettingthereshopefully]

Well done seshi! Small victories are just as important as big ones.

[daisychaiinn]

Been NC for a week after he said he doesn't love me anymore and never wants to get back together. We've been on and off since September and had been together a little over a year previous to that.
Our baby is due in a few weeks. Feel Fucking awful

[gettingthereshopefully]

daisy, I'm so sorry, that sounds awful. You've come to the right place and you will get through all this with time.

[NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5]

Seshi I know big that is for you. Truly well done.

Morning all. Day 12 here and I'm feeling a bit all over the place. My inner critic is roaring at me but I feel strong. My feelings for him seem to be growing rather than waning.

Getting DD ready for an activity and then will reply individually

[gettingthereshopefully]

Bloody hell, pulling back really does help, doesn't it? I'm feeling strong with my phone off which sounds a bit pathetic but it's a good start, right?

[seshi]

@daisy so sorry to hear what an awful time you are having... But you will find lots of support on here @nk my feelings are getting stronger over the last few days... Why is that? @getting anything that makes you feel stronger is good... Keep going!

[gettingthereshopefully]

Thanks seshi! I hate that vulnerable feeling you get when you're not in control. It comes in fits and starts and it is SO easy to misinterpret silence. The main thing of course is that we take care of ourselves.

[Basseting]

Belonger
" Are there any gaps in your life that you can work on so that you don't feel so drawn to his drama? Are you stimulated enough, are you lonely? I'm looking at those sorts of things myself, looking at ways to make my life more fulfilling or stimulating so that I don't feel a need to fill it with distractions and longing!*
VERY HELPFUL for me, thank you! There is no Qu that Mr NC came back into my life at a time of crisis (always and only then) and when it was almost entirely empty of good healthy things so he seemed 'ok'?

BloodyuselessHere are just SOME of the reasons that he will, at some point “miss you:”

He misses the you that listened to all of his problems, made everything about him, helped him and supported him in every way no matter how poorly he treated you or how non-mutual the relationsh*t was.
He misses the you that was his biggest fan.
He misses the easy, minimal effort ability to attain your forgiveness.
He misses the you that believed he was God’s gift to mankind.
He misses the you that faked orgasms.
He misses the you that no matter how poorly he treated you or how many mind games he played or how often he went MIA, he could call up half drunk in the middle of the night and get laid.
He misses the you that always tried to understand him, please him and excuse his poor behavior and lack of respect for you and your relationship.
He misses the you that blamed yourself for his hurtful behavior."

THAT is hugely helplful too, thank you!
I have struggled to see how he can not miss me, not because I am so amazing but because he has not had the combination i offered him for at least a decade and it was intense which is what he seeks.
But i can see that he WILL miss this, but that doesnt mean it is helpful for me to 'go back'
"

[Teensandfuture]

BLOODY
lol at golden penis..I can't even say that about my NC , at least that would justify me being hang up on him..he sold me an image of better quality of life and being a princess , not sexual gratification .Where's my princess crown though?? 😂

[gettingthereshopefully]

Having a wobble. Part of me wants to message the biologist and say I need to back away completely but if I'm honest this excessive reaction is due to not feeling in control of myself. I hate how early NC can make me feel even more alone than I would normally do if I wasn't in this fairly intense emotional situation.

[Rhubarbginn]

I think it’s good to have targets oldbrook. Helps keep us motivated to do the right thing for ourselves. I just don’t know what mine are yet.

[Rhubarbginn]

getting I have been exactly where you are. But 12 months ago. It is intoxicating and your feelings can change one minute to the next. It’s like being totally out of control of yourself. I’m trying hard to get that control back now.

[NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5]

Oldbrook what are you going to do if he contacts you?

Seshi not sure. Maybe absence makes the heart grows fonder. It's rotten isn't It?

Teens it must be very hard to be told they are in love with you and then they drop you. But keep thinking back, he tricked you and made you think he was single. He is fake and not worthy of your love. He really isn't.

Bloody well done on Day 16. It's nearly 6 months since I've seen my guy face to face and I've blocked seeing him a number of times. Its funny opportunities keep arising for us to be in each other's company but I've rejected them all. I don't trust my feelings to be around him.

[NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5]

Daisy that sounds like a truly awful situation. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through

[gettingthereshopefully]

Rhubarb, thank you for that. I've been through NC with my man from last year who I had really strong feelings for mixed up with negative emotions about my divorce and dad dying. I know I'm going to get through it but it doesn't make the vulnerability and fear any less. Yes to the constantly changing feelings.

He must be going through it too, really badly. He's clearly suffering, from what he's written in his messages, but trying to be honourable in his intentions. He won't have the same emotional outlet as we do here on this thread and on top of that he's surely concealing all his conflicting emotions from his wife and daughter, etc. who he is away with at present (father in law's heart operation). I'm not wasting time feeling sorry for him but he must feel like a pressure cooker at the moment. Physical desire being transformed into a friendship (impossible in the matter of a few days when you've developed feelings or an attraction for someone over a long time) and an inability to express himself in RL. Most be tough.

[gettingthereshopefully]

Have you got any advice for me Rhubarb?

[NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5]

Rhubarb how are you feeling about your situation?

Getting I definitely think you two need to meet up and have a frank discussion. He's being too vague with his feelings. I think it would help for clarity