Dating Thread 129 - Time to put a new spring in your step

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

Kin Thank you. Obviously, a first date is too early to know where things will go with that particular person but I would like to get a sense earlier as to what they are hoping to find.

A guy asked me over the weekend what had brought me to Tinder and I thought that was quite a good way of broaching the subject.

Vista I'd give myself time to see if I like him. I wouldn't want to tell a stranger that I'm looking for [marriage / children / living together / living apart but committed etc] until I've figured that he's not a no otherwise you're inviting creeps to undergo a personality transplant to fit into your plans. I'd be coy about my intent but if asked I'd say I'm open minded about where this may or may not go while we get to know each other. I think by date three you should have a sense of what he's like. Personally I'd have to DTD before having that conversation. Imagine finding out you're not sexually compatible after you've indicated that you're up for something long term... I'd definitely say something early on though. If he's not in the same place then you need to find out sooner rather than later. Most guys are honest so many women just choose not to listen and convince themselves he'll change his mind and he'll say things like "I'm not really looking for commitment", "I think you're great" and then the women fill in the blanks and believe it.

Yes, thanks Been: that sounds like a really good approach.

OMG perhaps I'm actually nearer to putting myself out there again if not in a way that people can initially see what I look like

Vista, I am not an experienced dater but I think I'd want to have a rough idea early on, so if not first, certainly second or third date.

Ok, need input here. I just received this email from a colleague:

"Hi Margo

Blizzards permitting, I’ll be passing your door on Sunday afternoon on my way to Big Country House for a walk in the grounds.

If you’d like, and if you’re not on taxi duty, you’d be welcome to come for a spin in the Outlander and join me for the walk.

Best

Work Colleague"

Is he asking me out?

He's obviously asking you out Margo but that message doesn't scream of romantic undertones to me - it's more friendly in nature. Have you otherwise been flirting with each other or does he need to be careful (because of work) about being a tad more up front?

Been Thank you, interesting perspective and the open minded line is a good one. I have to admit I was that woman with my ex and I totally over invested. But I am determined that this time around I am not going to be that woman again.

No flirting on my part Kin! He is soooooooooooooooo not my kind of guy but he is fairly recently single and in a similar age bracket. I've remained as polite and friendly as I've ever been in the last 9 years we've been working together but maybe his intentions have changed.

Ginny I'd look in horror, curse XH for bringing me to this, cry then delete my account. Then I'd tiptoe back and redo my account. Each time I was making a mental adjustment and toughening up... like growing a dating callous

Top tip - if you've worked hard on a good profile then save it in word or notes so you don't have to redo it each time you delete your profile!

Ginny and Been that sounds pretty much like my experience. It took a year from first looking at the dating sites to having the courage to actually make public my profile and start chatting to people.

He is soooooooooooooooo not my kind of guy

Guess that's a "no" from you then?

Margo I'd probably tread very carefully here. If he's recently single he could just be looking to create a social life or he could be looking for romance. If you're not big on socialising with work colleagues then maybe find something else you're doing and avoid any awkward water cooler moments in the future.

You got it Kin.

Yes, Been, I'm a tad nervous about the whole work scenario. He is more senior than I am and we have to interact a lot. He is very cautious though, so hopefully he won't become a pain. I only socialise with work colleagues at work events, so there'll be no awkward moments in bars anywhere, thankfully.

I emailed back immediately to say that I had other plans on Sunday, which is no word of a lie.

Today’s crazy message from Mr Tinder (someone I have been chatting to for ages), he had a motorbike accident last week and keeps sending me photos of his injuries. Today he sent me a photo of his bruised testicles

Lots of new potential irons which is typical when I’m too ill to leave the house.

Bruised testicles - now there is a sight no woman can wait to see!!!! PMSL laughing Love.

Been and Vista - thanks for that. At least I don't feel like a complete wimp now.

Love the phrase 'dating callous'

Ok, will get on with my profile now and stop faffing !

Margo Kinda nice to have a RL approach like that? But, yes, I'd tread with caution. If he's recently single, he's also more likely to be in a bit of a state, one way or another.

Love Just be grateful he didn't ask you to kiss them better ... or perhaps he was hoping you'd suggest it?!

Love I've never seen a bruised testicle and hope I never do... ouch. Are you sure his bruised baubles weren't caused by a date teaching him a lesson?

Vista: I mean, I am all up for being upfront and honest. I have used the line I have no expectations where this is going to take me, I am not looking for a one night stand nor a marriage proposal and seeing how things work out.... no pressure, no assumptions and just going with the flow.

But that's just me. The other ways I have seen people wanting to voice that they are looking for a relationship usually say so in thier profile, that way the job is done for you then 🙃 hope that helps x

love wtaf? Why would any man think that you would want to see testicles, let alone bruised ones??? Was it a close up?

Best tinder profile of the dat:

Ricardo 39 (one picture of Jon Snow from GOT)

Caption: Winter is cumming (spelt like that) and you will too. I will make you scream to the gods.

Pudding yes it was a close up. Testicles aren’t the prettiest of things are they? I think he was just showing off his war wounds. Luckily I’m not phased. It was only a small bruise but probably quite painful (I wouldn’t know as I don’t have testicles).

I twisted one once Love and it was the most intensely painful thing I've ever experienced. Still probably nothing compared to childbirth though.

My one other date that I had just after Christmas had had knee surgery and sent me photos of that too. I was fairly repulsed and can't ever imagine sending photos of my bruised/broken body parts to a man & expecting them to find it attractive / endearing etc.

Any of the male posters want to weigh in here and advise why this is a thing for some blokes?

Think I should give him marks for trying.....

Men have a far lower pain threshold Margo - an operation is a really big deal for us. Not only that, but scars probably tie back psychologically to the days of hunting and providing - the more they have, the more manly they feel?

Prever Beale was in Eastenders, right?