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Original poster

Dating Thread 129 - Time to put a new spring in your step

999 replies

RunsforCake14 · 21/02/2018 20:14

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread
OP posts:
Thread gallery
20
MargoLovebutter · 27/02/2018 11:11

Thank you Kin & Been. I hope I like him.

Kinunir · 27/02/2018 11:12

Busy Ginny? All I've had is one not-so-good meet and a wasted trip so far Sad

Vistaverde · 27/02/2018 11:18

Vet Sorry Mr BBC was a disappointment.

Margo I hope all goes well this evening.

Kin Hopefully things can only get better.

Nothing much to report but this thread is keeping me distracted / amused.

Kinunir · 27/02/2018 11:21

Nothing much to report but this thread is keeping me distracted

As are those PMs you keep sending me Wink

Vistaverde · 27/02/2018 11:26

And you keep ignoring ...

Kinunir · 27/02/2018 11:28

Sorry Vista, I'm still reading that last message and my hands are rather full right now, will get back to you when I've finished Wink

VetOnCall · 27/02/2018 11:41

Lost I'm afraid all that would be a dealbreaker for me too. I was seeing someone last year who had their 3 year old every weekend and it quickly became too restrictive and complicated - I was doing all the compromising because he was 'tied'.

It could depend on your own situation too though; I don't have DCs and my free time is my own which is why I want someone in the same situation who has plenty of time to spend with me getting out and about, going away etc.

Mr BBC is still messaging, he's definitely keen. Sod's law... I'm still talking to him though, I do like him, just not really in 'that' way.

The other two irons could both be very promising though, if we can get to meet up stage - Mr Mountaineer and Mr PhD.

pudding21 · 27/02/2018 11:47

I disagree with pudding21 on this one and think he absolutely did have to disclose having two other children from when he was young. Bringing children into this world is serious business in my book and involvement or otherwise in their lives thereafter - however that has panned out, is also significant. However, that maybe more about how I feel, than others do.

Margo I didn't mean he didn't have to disclose it, what I meant was at this stage she would have had no way of finding that out, so he COULD have kept it a secret but chose to disclose it if that makes sense.

Lostlily · 27/02/2018 11:48

Thanks guys for your comments.
He is lovely and I want to try and see how it goes but it is a lot on my mind.
The 'baggage' thing is a fear that these children will rock up later and cause problems, ask for money and lay claim on stuff. This is obviously fa ahead but I've seen it before. No contact all their lives or for twenty years or more, daddy dies and suddenly the 'children' appear.

MargoLovebutter · 27/02/2018 11:52

Sorry for the misinterpretation Pudding. Blush

I should declare, I am adopted, so these things probably mean more to me than others. In fact, I probably shouldn't comment further on this at all.

BeenThereDating · 27/02/2018 11:56

Ginny I stated at the bottom of my profile that I had photos available and when I messaged someone I always attached photos. If you're on POF you just mark the photos as private then they're not on display. It didn't seem to hinder me and based on when I had photos and when I didn't there were fewer messages from the illiterati as they never read a profile anyway! But I messaged first most of the time anyway.

Vistaverde · 27/02/2018 11:58

You are such a charmer Kin Smile

BeenThereDating · 27/02/2018 12:04

Lost a good clear will that's kept up to date sorts all that out as does wise financial management. No one can take anything from you that's in your sole name. Nor can they take your share of anything that's properly and legally apportioned to you. Unfortunately a lot of people choose to ignore making a will and choose to save a couple of hundred pounds in fees (when they'd happily spend that in IKEA) getting proper legal and financial advice and then live to regret it.

Kinunir · 27/02/2018 12:21

Alas, t'is a cross I have to bear Vista Sad

VixenSixen · 27/02/2018 12:33

Weird message of the day...... 2nd message nonetheless after "Hi how far are you from London on the train, do you want to meet on Sunday at 5pm?"

"I am willing to relocate for the right person" ......

Erm....talk about fast mover. 🙈

MargoLovebutter · 27/02/2018 12:36

Blimey Vixen, that is quite funny! Go back & tell him what your monthly rent/mortgage costs and ask if they'd be acceptable.

VixenSixen · 27/02/2018 12:38

Margo - I freaked and blocked. But next time I am tempted to have a bit of fun I that respect. Wow. I half thought it was a wind up 🙈

BeenThereDating · 27/02/2018 12:38

"Vixen" those willing to relocate ones are so offputting. Talk about red flag bunting. I think some women see it as open minded, romantic and committed whereas I view it as he's sofa surfing/ living with Mum and Dad / hates paying bills or wants to leave the wife and needs a new branch to get a good hold of before letting go of the old branch.

VixenSixen · 27/02/2018 12:53

Yeah just completely offputting and you are SO right about red flag o-rama. I mean even if he dropped this into conversation after we had been speaking for a couple of weeks I would have run a mile!

Vistaverde · 27/02/2018 12:55

Vixen It just comes across as needy and desperate. Not attractive.

Kinunir · 27/02/2018 12:58

I think it goes way beyond needy and desperate and well into the realms of creepy and weird - I wonder if these guys actually get any takers with messages like that?

BeenThereDating · 27/02/2018 12:58

If he had dropped this into the conversation in a couple of weeks' time there are plenty who would go all Barbara Cartland and rave about the special connection and how he's willing to relocate and leave his dosshole because we're soulmates. I bet he'd spend the next five years reminding her of his 'sacrifice' too Hmm

Vistaverde · 27/02/2018 13:23

I have a question for you all in preparation for my date tomorrow night.

With my ex I kept putting off the conversation about where the relationship was headed because I didn't know myself. By the time we had the conversation I was too heavily invested in the relationship and ultimately this led to lots of pain and heartbreak for me.

This time I know exactly what I am looking for but not sure when is the right time to broach the subject. Is a first date too soon, thanks?

Mumfun · 27/02/2018 13:25

Good afternoon all!

Vixen A wise friend to me date local to avoid all the mad ones . Red banners more than red flags!

Vet Tricky when you kind of like them but don't pass the table test

I am definitely more entertained by this thread than by my datung site correspondence. Mumsnet definitely missing a financial trick and thats not like them these days.

Unleash your inner spaniel love it but prefer unleash your inner labrador!

lost from experience I know a lot of guys opt out from taking care of a significantly disabled and even moderately disabled child. So he is to be commended for stepping up and taking a decent role in her care. It is really tough to be hit by 3 revelations at once so I would take your time processing . I would not be as put off as others by his time caring for a disabled child as I dont want my life totally focussed on one relationship ever again and want to see friends and enjoy the social life I have built up in various interests etc. But a very individual decision.

Margo you go girl !

Kinunir · 27/02/2018 13:28

Vista Male POV: I think it's good to know that you are on the same page early on, i.e. are you both looking for ONS/FWB/Relationship, etc., but if a woman asked me anything more than that before first meet/on a first date I would be seeing red flags waving all around her.

Dating is about having fun and getting to know the other person over a period of time and only then can you start to formulate an idea of how far things will ultimately go.