27th Feb will mark the first year without him, I can hardly believe it.
I’m so tired - mentally and physically. I haven’t had a proper night’s sleep since he died.
People have been amazing, on here and in RL. I had the most amazing Woolly Hug which totally overwhelmed me, and which I look at every day. I had an incrediblly supportive thread full of kind and wise posters. But round about June I found it too painful to go back to the thread as I associated it with those painful intense early dark days.
There have of course been good times - I’ve made some friends in the most unexpected ways (the funeral administrator being one!), I’ve learnt the value of existing friends (some of who I hadn’t been in touch with since school), and I think the dc and I have become closer. But, being honest, there’ve been many more bad times than good :(
I thought I was doing as ok as could be expected but since new year (literally - since NYE) I just feel I’ve taken a massive backward step. I have a strong feeling in my mind that if I can only make it to the 27th, I will have proven to Dh that I can do it on my own and that he can come back now. Stupid I know. I don’t know what to do. I try to keep on for the dc and for my lovely friends but it’s so hard, and getting harder.
I miss him so much and really feel there’s no point to me anymore - not planning on doing anything drastic though! I’m sorry if this is moany. I’m not moany in rl (I hope) but I’m finding the run up to the first anniversary so difficult.