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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

BF won a fortune..and dumped me.

106 replies

HennaTattoo · 15/02/2018 21:56

So that's pretty much it. We've been an item for a couple of years now. He's been in and out of jobs and I've bailed him out and loaned him money more often than I can remember. I've supported him through depression. I have 3 children and work part time so couldn't really afford to feed him and loan him money. But I did because I loved him.
He gave me the speech about it wasn't working for him and the timings not right etc. I found out that on the morning before he finished with me, he'd won £220,000. I cannot believe it. I feel like I've been punched. He's obviously used me all this time, I thought he loved me. He's bragging about how he can " think of himself now rather than other people". I feel sick.

OP posts:
Original poster
HennaTattoo · 16/02/2018 17:47

Than you so much for your posts, and I so needed to hear what you've said. I wouldnt dream of going after him for any money, he's welcome to it and I'll put it down to bitter experience. I still feel like crap but I obviously set the bar low so have to take some resonsibility. He knew I was vulnerable, I got into in abusive relationship prior to him. He knew that. Why are people such arseholes?

OP posts:
VladmirsPoutine · 16/02/2018 17:51

Presumably the children aren't his bio kids?

Some people are arseholes - that is a given in life. But the question should really be 'How can I protect myself from this'. I think you need to do the freedom program. And find some boundaries. Your relationship history sounds abusive and unhealthy. What can you do on a personal level to work on yourself?

SandyY2K · 16/02/2018 17:55

Just block him and don't look back. I think you put up with crap because you felt grateful to have him on your life.

Wherearemymarbles · 16/02/2018 18:06

He’ll rent a swanky flat that costs a bomb.

Buy a bmw m3 thats costs a bomb to run, go on very expemsice holidays, buy a rolex, flash cash everywhere. We’ll be broke by Christmas.

Sadly he never loved you. Put it down to experience and start doing things for YOU and for your children for a change. You are free.!! 🙂

Original poster
HennaTattoo · 16/02/2018 18:23

No they're not his bio kids. See that was a plus, he got on well with them but it was a means to an end obviously.
Hope the money makes him happy..a life of using and scrounging off people and then this bloody money falls into his lap, you couldn't Make it up could you?.I did love him when he had nothing and I was proud that it didn't matter to me. Big fat mistake....

OP posts:
VladmirsPoutine · 16/02/2018 19:06

Look, let's be honest here. You will feel bitter and angry. It is natural and normal and you will need to vent. Feel free to continue doing so on this thread. But on a practical level there is nothing that can be done.

You might find yourself getting the rage whenever something triggers a memory but that is where you find yourself now.

How old are your dc? How is your life generally. What can you do for Henna? Seems you've spent so much time giving and giving and supporting - only to be abandoned this cruelly. It hurts.

It is shit, his behaviour is atrocious but here we are.

Keep talking if you need to. I'm a very good listener, or rather; typist!

GinnyLovesGin · 16/02/2018 19:30

Don’t bother asking for money. Unless you have evidence that it was a loan you won’t get it. Don’t any of you watch Judge Rinder?!

In any event, keep your dignity.

ferando81 · 16/02/2018 19:45

I'd be tempted to text him asking for the money you loaned him .You might get lucky or he might admit that you borrowed him money .If you do get written evidence I would be tempted to go to small claims court

Original poster
HennaTattoo · 16/02/2018 20:00

Thanks. yes venting is just what I need to do. Kids are 9, 11 and 13. It's honestly not about the money. It's the damn fact that I loved him when he was penniless and now he's in a fantastic position and I'm not, he's told me basically to do one. That hurts like hell. He can stuff his not-earned money. He didn't dump me when I was supporting him...

OP posts:
Twogoround · 16/02/2018 20:12

Small claims court if you prove some of the loan?

Jellyheadbang · 17/02/2018 00:54

*MmeGuillotine

I think £220,000 is a total bargain to get rid of such a complete and utter tit. I know it hurts now but honestly he's doing you a massive favour.*

Took the words right out of my mouth. Seriously, 200k has saved you and your kids from that utter shitbag. One day you’ll see it is a blessing.

HarmlessChap · 17/02/2018 01:37

You're well rid of the twat.

Odds are that he'll be scammed by women with fake tits and fake smiles until that money is gone and end up a penny-less idiot once again but without you as a safety net next time. JMHO Wink

DianaT1969 · 17/02/2018 07:46

I obviously set the bar low so have to take some resonsibility. He knew I was vulnerable, I got into in abusive relationship prior to him.

Once is bad luck. Twice is a pattern emerging. Take more responsibility. Be more choosy about who you get into a relationship with. Watch and take time before throwing your love and kindness at someone. Let them do the giving and caring initially.
He took advantage of your kindness and will no doubt regret the way he treated you one day. But you get to spend a great weekend with your kids free of this burden of a man. 🍾Thanks

Jux · 17/02/2018 15:24

FB status, "at last! Freedom from scroungers!!!! Great w/e with the kids, love love love them xxx"

DGRossetti · 17/02/2018 16:15

I heard a saying recently that you can tell what God thinks about money by looking at who he gives it to ...

Original poster
HennaTattoo · 17/02/2018 17:36

I heard a saying recently that you can tell what God thinks about money by looking at who he gives it to ...

Oh I just love this PP! Some of these replies have really cheered me up. Lots of wise words indeed. He's got what he's always wanted..loads of cash without the graft. And I can just imagine him still on the scrounge.

OP posts:
YellowMakesMeSmile · 17/02/2018 17:55

You're obviously well rid.

However you now need to take stock. You don't need a man or a relationship so need to stop jumping in head first. It will have a lasting impact on your children too as you are their main role model.

If you have that tight a budget that feeding an extra person pushes it then working part time is a luxury you can't afford especially as the children are not small and all at school.

MmeGuillotine · 17/02/2018 17:56

That is SUCH a great saying. I'm going to have to stash that one away! :)

whymewhyme · 17/02/2018 18:27

I think that u had a lucky escape! Let him run off into the sunset with his money, he will piss it all up the wall I bet!

Snog · 24/04/2019 06:17

Any update OP?

Whichwayfoward · 24/04/2019 06:41

The good thing is you know what he's like. I'm not going to say he will blow the money because I don't know if he will be that stupid. He may, he may not.

Of course you are hurt and angry, but you will never spend another penny on him.

You sound like a truly decent person. He on the other hand is a user and a prick. I can't get over him accepting financial help from you and not paying you back. What an absolute poor excuse of a 'man' (loose term).

groovergirl · 24/04/2019 06:44

You are so well rid, OP. Think how much money you'll save now that Mr Money-Drain has waltzed off with his soon-to-be-squandered lottery loot.
I have a mental picture of him in a year's time, desperately trying to flog the jetski, Audi and designer tat to try to make next month's rent on some dismal bedsit, er, bachelor pad.

StationView · 24/04/2019 07:50

ZOMBIE THREAD

Mortgages · 24/04/2019 12:18

How do women have children with men like this is what is beyond me

Snog · 25/04/2019 04:42

@HennaTattoo how are you getting on OP