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Original poster

BF won a fortune..and dumped me.

106 replies

HennaTattoo · 15/02/2018 21:56

So that's pretty much it. We've been an item for a couple of years now. He's been in and out of jobs and I've bailed him out and loaned him money more often than I can remember. I've supported him through depression. I have 3 children and work part time so couldn't really afford to feed him and loan him money. But I did because I loved him.
He gave me the speech about it wasn't working for him and the timings not right etc. I found out that on the morning before he finished with me, he'd won £220,000. I cannot believe it. I feel like I've been punched. He's obviously used me all this time, I thought he loved me. He's bragging about how he can " think of himself now rather than other people". I feel sick.

OP posts:
OnionKnight · 16/02/2018 06:31

You are well rid of him.

You can ask for your money back but unless you have absolute proof of the money you lent him I wouldn't bother as it'd be a waste of time, it probably would be regardless..

JingsMahBucket · 16/02/2018 06:50

Put together an invoice and send it to him. If he ignores it then sue.

userabcname · 16/02/2018 06:52

What a bastard. I would be devastated. Arsehole.

BackInTheRoom · 16/02/2018 07:18

Lesson learned Thanks

namechangefailed · 16/02/2018 07:56

Why would you suffer financially and give away money that could be used for your children - for a man?

BillywilliamV · 16/02/2018 08:00

Walk away with your pride intact, its really not worth the effort of anything else

DianaT1969 · 16/02/2018 08:16

I've pretty much been scammed haven't I?

No. It was your choice to support a boyfriend when you couldn't afford to. Lesson learned and you're now seeing him clearly for what he always was.
Lucky escape and you'll have the last laugh. Don't dwell on it, or get bitter. That win freed you.

ThisLittleKitty · 16/02/2018 08:59

I don't think you've been scammed. You didn't have to give him money especially when it impacts on your children. It's a lesson learnt.

Isetan · 16/02/2018 08:59

You didn’t “choose to believe the good in him”, you chose to ignore the bad.

This is always who he was and as hard as it is being confronted by it in such a public and callous way, there wasn't a parallel universe where he would have shared his new found wealth with you. If he hadn’t of won this money and dumped you, you would most probably still be propping him up financially.

The uncomfortable truth is, you were well aware of his leech like tendencies but you chose to ignore them because of the pay off (loving him).

OtterPearl · 16/02/2018 09:11

Yes, he scammed you. Cocklodgers are scammers. But that means he has a lot of tricks up his sleeve and he looks for giving people to scam. Therefore you are not stupid or weak, you are good and kind. His lotto win won't make him a better or happy person, it's just released you from this horrible relationship. The same as when they find another woman to leech off. It's a blessing in disguise.

Now you need to put your boundaries in place. Don't lend money to any man ever. You have children to support. Don't let any man live with you until you know for sure that they can work and pay their own bills. You need to know they have been constantly employed and have no unmanaged debt. They also need to be self reliant and not rely on mum and dad or others to live their life in any way.

Lots of us have been there and is shit because you start to blame yourself. But you are not to blame for his actions. You can only learn from it and raise your standards massively. And stay away from men unless they consistently prove they are good enough to be around you and your school.

PriaMaicel · 16/02/2018 09:23

A fool and their money are soon parted.

cakecakecheese · 16/02/2018 09:33

It's a win for you too as you will no longer be paying for him so you'll be saving money.

Do you have any evidence that you lent him money? Bank transfers etc? As that might help you have a case at the small claims court, maybe check with Citizen's Advice. Ooh maybe Judge Rinder.

Ok maybe not judge Rinder, but do try and look at this as a lucky escape as if he hadn't won the money he could have carried on sponging off you for a long time.

Itssosunny · 16/02/2018 09:35

OP, wish him luck with the shopping spree. Why do people like him win good money?

Bluntness100 · 16/02/2018 09:41

Well now you know what he was in the relationship for. He will come crawling back in a year when he's spent it all and if he's not able to find some other woman to support him. Hope you tell him where to go.

Don't go asking him for money and threatening to sue.just block and keep some dignity.

FizzyGreenWater · 16/02/2018 09:58

Firstly, don't feel as if you've lost out in some way. You totally haven't. If he'd stayed with you you can guarantee he would have kept his cash for himself anyway. He's clearly that type. He would have still been sponging and dragging you down but probably just with big promises of how he was going to take you on the trip of a lifetime blah blah. Basically you'd still be wasting your time, but you wouldn't know it.

Secondly - £220K is only a life changing amount of money for a sensible person, sadly - the kind who immediately invests it, buys a hosue, etc. There's no way he's going to make that money work for him Grin - no, it will be gone in a year or so, with nothing to show for it except a big car and a massive tv and some very expensive sky packages, season tickets etc. He may well have other big debts that he has to pay off now too. Again - you haven't lost.

This is a massively good thing to happen FOR YOU. This loser could have sponged off you for years. He clearly thought he was on to a good thing, he would have stayed and kept his head down and kept taking, if this hadn't happened. Thank god - this has shone a light, he's showed his colours and you're free. I'd be doing a jig.

You would never have been repaid willingly and you would have lost even more without this.

If you have the energy, you could indeed craft a little letter telling him that you've spoken to a solicitor friend and it seems that you would have a claim on a portion of his winnings as you loaned him the money which very likely went on the ticket. Tell him that it seems like it's the kind of case that you can get a no-win-no-fee deal on, so he either pays you back (count it up)££ now, or you'll go for it and claim a portion which you're likely to get, solicitor says £10k is probably a reasonable sum as it's a small portion of the winnings. Up to him. He might just pay you say £2k while he feels flush just to get rid, which would be something.

Oh and obviously in 18 months when you get the sad email telling you all about how his friends used him and all his money is gone - DELETE.

Poppiesway1 · 16/02/2018 10:25

AstridWhite no, can’t stand him. His phone is blocked from mine.
I tried to get maintenance out of him and he took an overdose several times. I gave up as didn’t want the blame of chasing him for money and making him do that. (He was emotionally abusive when we weee together so cut my losses then).
Our eldest won’t talk to him or have anything to do with him. The youngest doesn’t remember what he was like as he was 2 when we split up. But after thinking the sun used to shine out of his butt for a long tine he’s now realising what he’s like after being let done multiple times. I’ve had to let him learn for himself.

It’s when I pick ds up he’ll ask to borrow money Angry he’ll send ds back house to get something and then quickly ask me.

OP I know it may not feel like it but you and your children really are better off without him now.

MatildaTheCat · 16/02/2018 10:50

That money will soon be gone and he will be left looking more stupid than even before. Put it down to experience and wait for the pity pleas in the not so distant future. Which you will laugh at. Loudly.

CanIBuffalo · 16/02/2018 10:59

I've bailed him out and loaned him money more often than I can remember. I have 3 children and work part time so couldn't really afford to feed him and loan him money. But I did because I loved him.
Massive lesson there about putting yourself and your kids' need first before any man's.
Yes he's a massive shit but he's done you a favour if you've learned from this.

MrsDilber · 16/02/2018 11:01

Please don't ever take him back.

You'll have the last laugh.

picklemepopcorn · 16/02/2018 11:52

A fool and his money are soon parted. And he's clearly a fool.

FrogFairy · 16/02/2018 11:59

He may have won the money but you are the bigger winner here in being freed from this cocklodging arsehole.

TidyLike · 16/02/2018 12:00

Speak to a lawyer about whether you have a claim on the winnings. If not, good riddance for you and your kids.

PoisonousSmurf · 16/02/2018 12:01

Don't ever let him back in! He will spend that within 6 months.

TheSecondMrsAshwell · 16/02/2018 12:24

I know you couldn't afford the money you lent him, but as you have managed without it all this time, I'd let it go. You'll spend more that he ever gives you (if he does give you anything) getting it.

Where I live £220k is only half a flat. Some people on here would spread it far and wide and make it work, but as others have said, he'll burn through it. He won't even have the grace to say that he may have spent it all, but had a marvellous time, then get on with his life.

He'll whinge and whine and try and worm his way back in - because he'll think the sun shines out of his arse and you'll surely take him back, why on earth wouldn't you? He'll try to tap you for the money he spent on the conciliatory flowers too.

Unfortunately, he'll probably do it quite quickly, so keep that smug smile in your mind to keep you strong.

MmeGuillotine · 16/02/2018 13:16

I think £220,000 is a total bargain to get rid of such a complete and utter tit. I know it hurts now but honestly he's doing you a massive favour.

Also, previous posters are right - he's going to burn through that in six months max and probably make himself a total laughing stock in the process.