If you were my mum, what would you say?

[Sadandalone2018]

I'm 28, been with DH for 8 years, married for 18 months.
I am deeply unhappy in this relationship due to problems in our early years of dating, my lack of physical attraction to him and my sense that 28 is too young to feel bored and trapped. There's no abuse. Ive had 5 months of counselling where these issues came to light. I am a deeply private person. I thought dh was the right guy, but in hindsight I settled. No DC.

If you were my mum, would you be frightened and humiliated if I left him? You think he's a good guy, but you are worried because I seem unhappy to you and you've mentioned this unhappiness.

God no...I'd be happy you realised the situation you're in wasn't for you. You're still very young...get out and live a life you love, it's the only one you've got 💞

I would give you a cuddle and tell you life is too short to stay where you are unhappy.

Then I’d help you work out how to sort it.

What MushroomSoup said.
Lifes too short, go and find happiness.

I would be proud that I had brought you up to have enough courage to get out of an unhappy situation.

I left my husband in very similar circumstances. I must admit my parents were a bit scared for me and upset that it didn't work out. They had no idea I wasn't happy though. It took a bit of getting used to but they got over it of course. I do know that if push came to shove they wouldn't want me staying miserable for their sake. My life is a so much happier now - you must put yourself first.

No love I'd say life is too short to stay married to the wrong man. All I want is for you to be happy.

Then I'd help you do whatever you needed to do to sort it out.

Do you feel able to talk to your mum Sad?

I would be very glad you ha deejay strength to do something about it before dc came along. Watching your adult dc in a bad /unhappy relationship and parenting a dc is very difficult. Please tell your dm ASAP.

I would just want you to be happy.

I would say get out before it's too late. If you leave now then you still have time to find someone else and settle down happily and have children. If you leave it for a few years then you would have potentially screwed up your life.

Do you know what... it doesn’t matter what your mother or anyone else has to say. It’s your life.

I stayed with a complete arse of a bloke for five years longer than I should have because I was worried about a. Being on my own, and b. Because I was worried about what other people would say. Five wasted years!

It’s your life. Make yourself happy.

My mum is lovely but I was always a very closed off child. I am so angry at myself that I couldn't find the words to voice my doubts before.

DH thinks I might have depression. He is a great guy, but I don't feel right. I'm scared that by the time a divorce happens I'll be 30, divorced and chinless.

My brother stayed in an unhappy marriage for two extra years because he thought it would break our parent’s hearths if he divorced. Simultaneously, my parents were breaking their hearts at seeing him so unhappy and not understanding why he didn’t leave......

Ha *childless.

I've got a chin. It's fine.

What ever happens after your divorce OP, guaranteed you won't lose your chin .

I would be highly sympathetic - now is the time to end it. Feeling bored and trapped at a time when you could be concentrating on work, interests and a social life is soul destroying. Would offer as much practical help as I could - for ideas on how to move on. The last feelings I would have would be fright or humiliation! My focus would be on helping you - it would not be about me! What makes you think your mother would react that way?

I would say, do whatever you think is right for you and I will support you in whatever decision you make. The only the I have ever wanted is for you to be happy.

I say this as a mother and I also say this as someone who left an ex fiance- wedding planned and all... and I moved miles away, rang my mum and said I couldn't do it and I understood if she didn't want to speak to me but that id pay her every penny back. The thing that upset her the most was that I thought she would want nothing to do with me. A year after that I met the love of my life whilst away on holiday. We lived at opposite ends of the UK but after a few years I am now married and I am typing whilst my 6 month old son lays on me snoring.

If I have one piece of advice it's - do whatever makes you happy and do it now.

30 is still really young - you might live til you're 100. I had children at 34 and 36 - and that was 20 yrs ago. You've still got masses of time.
As for your mum. - obv I don't know what she's like but I would hope she'll come to terms with it if she sees you happy.

Ps it could be worse.. You could be without your chin.

I did have a breakdown last summer and mentioned my marriage. She told me nothing is irreversible but I didn't have the guts to really say what was going on.

Hi OP,

Why don't you have a trial separation? A bit of space might give you the headroom to work out what you want.

Just leave. Your mum loves you, if I were her I would support you.
Life is too short to waste it being miserable.
Also, your OH - it's not fair on him either, you both have time to find happiness.

Sounds like she's tried to tell you that she'll support you if you leave.