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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Crush at the school gates

94 replies

Tomatojuiceisyum · 12/02/2018 11:14

Hi I feel very silly posting here as it's all quite teenagery...but, I have this crush on a dad from school. We've been friends for a long time, our spouses are friends, our kids are too, it's all very lovely but lately there is just something there between us that won't go away. Absolutely nothing has happened between us to clarify, we just love hanging out together but you know when you can feel something has changed? Why do I keep wanting to kiss him? I don't want to put our marriages or friendships at risk at all. So question, can you have a crush on someone you have to see almost daily and just carry on being friends? Tips on how to make the crush go away??

Thanks so much x

OP posts:
TheStoic · 12/02/2018 11:22

Bring it out into the light with your husband. It’s not a big deal, but keeping it a secret will turn it into one.

Tinkalilly · 12/02/2018 11:47

Your both married, get a grip!!!!

Original poster
Tomatojuiceisyum · 12/02/2018 11:47

I get what you're saying, and if I was really brave I would do that but I just can't risk that. Too much at stake, it would become very awkward for all. Just need to stop these silly feelings, we're all in our 40s for goodness sake Confused

OP posts:
WhatsGoingOnEh · 12/02/2018 11:48

I've had this. It goes away. Just wait it out. Until it goes, enjoy the boost in your sex drive with your DH. 😍

Original poster
Tomatojuiceisyum · 12/02/2018 21:11

How did it go away for you? I think the lack of sex drive on DHs behalf is possibly part of the problem. I don't know. Thing is, I have really enjoyed having a male friend, they just seem to have a different perspective on things and can be less complicated than girl friends. But I have never been able to be friends with men as they always seem to want more (when Harry met Sally anyone?) And then I did make a really good friend and now I'm the one who wants more (in my head) in real life I'd probably be mortified if it turned into something else, probably... Argh stupid hormones

OP posts:
Dancingfairy · 12/02/2018 21:17

Best advice. Distance yourself.

Annabelle4 · 12/02/2018 21:19

Distance yourself OP.

springydaffs · 12/02/2018 21:36

Just keep away from him! Don't be silly. Of course you're going to end up getting into trouble of you feed this.

This is how affairs start. Don't be silly!

Original poster
Tomatojuiceisyum · 12/02/2018 21:48

I know it's silly, I really do. But how do I distance myself from him when I have to see him on an almost daily basis. I don't want to hurt his feelings either by treating him ice cold, he may wonder why (in case I have misread him and it's not a mutual attraction) should I maybe talk to him? That just makes me feel sick thinking about it.

OP posts:
Dancingfairy · 12/02/2018 21:53

You don't have to be cold just back off abit. Talk to him about what?

fireflame · 12/02/2018 22:03

You both have partners!
Of course i understand these things happen
Please do not even think about doing this round your child's school. Think about all the people that will probably end up getting hurt especially the children!

Myheartbelongsto · 12/02/2018 22:34

You sound about 12 love.

Why don't you mention it to his wife, I'm sure she'll help you keep your distance.

fireflame · 12/02/2018 22:35

@myheart omg love your post excellent 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Littlelambpeep · 12/02/2018 22:36

Why don't you just bring up how you love dh more than ever . can't wait for valentines

Try and steer the conversation to neutral stuff

Tinycitrus · 12/02/2018 22:37

Find someone else to speak to at the school gates.

Hang out with his wife

Cool the friendship.

Original poster
Tomatojuiceisyum · 12/02/2018 22:38

Yes, I don't want to hurt anyone. I love my DH and kids too much. That's why I thought maybe if I clear the air with the crush we can both stop being silly and move on. Something like 'I think we like each other probably a bit more than we ought to, so shall we just stop hanging out for a bit while we think about how we can go back to the friendship we had before?' or maybe that would just open up a whole Pandora's box, better left closed!

OP posts:
juwayriyyah31 · 12/02/2018 22:40

How can you feel like this knowing he has a wife. Have some self respect op.

RoseyOldCrow · 12/02/2018 22:42

Oh crikey don't say that, he'll think its a come-on.
Just pull yourself together & behave like a married adult.
If you don't it will end so very badly.

Original poster
Tomatojuiceisyum · 12/02/2018 22:51

I didn't choose to have these feelings, believe me I'd much rather they weren't there. But it's what you do with them that matters and I can see that you all think I should suppress them so that's what I'll try and do.

OP posts:
Dancingfairy · 12/02/2018 22:57

So you don't think you should then?
Oh and don't say that to him btw.

Hotdoggity · 12/02/2018 23:05

Don’t tell him. You want to tell him because you’re hoping it’s reciprocated whether you admit that to yourself or not. Same with this post. You know what you need to do.

dirtybadger · 12/02/2018 23:11

You fancy him. Thats fine and normal. Youre human. Dont tell him. Just stop spending time with him. Youre busy. Find some other friends (or spend more time with your DH is hes around at those times).

Dont entertain it. Realise whatever your imagining is a fantasy. His shit stinks like everyone (except mine) else's.

Hotdoggity · 12/02/2018 23:13

Feelings become most damaging when they translate into action. I think if you let this die, you’ll be really relieved in a few months.

Original poster
Tomatojuiceisyum · 12/02/2018 23:23

Thank you. Yes I think I just need to try and stay away from him for a while. You're all right, I don't want this to become a massive thing and certainly don't want to act on it. Just need to focus on something else.

OP posts:
springydaffs · 12/02/2018 23:27

Dear me, you and millions and millions of people. Nothing new about this AT ALL.

Keep away. By hook or by crook, keep away.

Absolutely agree to tell his wife to help you cool things. That should do the trick.

But please stop thinking this is unusual. Pheromones, that's all. Nothing dazzling or exciting about that. Also nothing dazzling or exciting about destroying a lot of people's lives should you allow this thing to progress by not stopping it now in its tracks.