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Original poster

Have you cheated on a partner... and have you done it more than once?

133 replies

Flamesparrow · 01/05/2007 16:33

Feel free to name change for this!!!

Read sooo many times this morning words to the effect of "once a cheater, always a cheater".

So... have you cheated on a partner?

If so, have you done it more than once (ie to the same person or cheated on multiple partners)?

If you have only done it once, do you think you ever conceivably could again?

PLEASE ladies - this isn't a "lets stone the unfaithful" thread - it is about finding out if it is a fair assessment, and whether or not we should trust again if it is a "one off".

OP posts:
twinsetandpearls · 02/05/2007 00:08

With men I want a serious relatinship with I make them wait, I made dp wait for months and months and months! He said he felt likw the charactar from the old man and the sea when he finally gets his big fish when he bedded me!

twinsetandpearls · 02/05/2007 00:08

I hate dumping I am just too nice, I try to convinve the other person that they want to dump me.

UnquietDad · 02/05/2007 00:09

I just used to let it go on even when it was patently not working. On the grounds that a shag is a shag.

TheDuchessOfNorksBride · 02/05/2007 00:11

I have cheated on all but 2 of my boyfriends, one is now my DH. We've been together for over a decade and I don't need anyone else.

There are 2 serious boyfriends on whom I only cheated with one other partner but I had quite a few relationships where I saw several other men at the same time. One involved a married man who, bizarrely, expected my fidelity despite his living with another woman. I 'cheated' on him loads.

The cheating usually began within one year of a relationship starting.

twinsetandpearls · 02/05/2007 00:11

I don't think I could shag someone I didn't like.

TheDuchessOfNorksBride · 02/05/2007 00:23

Have just noticed that a lot of cheaters feel bad/guilty etc.

I don't.

knakered · 02/05/2007 00:29

..Whossorrynow..."the 'innocent' party needs to take a good hard look at what they might be contributing to their partner's yearning for an affair, if they want to save the relationship"....bit harsh imo...dont see any point in trying to spread the blame to the "innocent"...if you are big enough to shag around,take responsibilty and accept that it was you who chose to take your pants off ...and that you chose not to communicate your unhappiness to your partner...why should the "innocent" shoulder any of the blame for an affair??...blame or judge for a poor relationship - but cannot be blamed for other partner choosing to be unfaitful

BadPuppy · 02/05/2007 08:30

Yes cheated on xh twice. Second time with now DH. Would not dream of doing anything like that in this relationship. Absolutely love DH.

Paddlechick666 · 02/05/2007 09:09

UnquietDad, how did your relationships end if you never dumped them?

Did you just let them fizzle out thru lack of interest or did you behave soooo badly that eventually your then OH was forced to dump you?

Is it true that in a female perspective it's not possible to cheat on someone you love but in a male perspective sex is sex and if he thinks he can cheat and not get caught he will?

Fascinating subject. I cheated on my xh and altho i do regret my behaviour i don't lie awake at night feeling dreadful for it.

I got my come-uppance as I then had a 5 year very controlling and abusive relationship with that person. I wasn't comfortable with my behaviour at the time and I can see now that I was already being manipulated and controlled.

It was nearly 20 years ago and I was very young. I shouldn't have got married when I did and I shouldn't have got sucked into a relationship on the side.

NadineBaggott · 02/05/2007 09:11

no

expatinscotland · 02/05/2007 09:13

I've dumped men who became 'geographically undesirable', that is, they moved too far away.

I had a boyfriend like that once. Actually, it was good because he was a really strong climber and he helped me push my grades. It was fab experience following him. I got good quick and fitter as well.

He was fun, too, but alas, he moved too far away.

dancingtina · 02/05/2007 09:19

hi all

Am engrossed in this topic now...

I don't think it's true that you can't cheat on someone if you 'love' them but men can. I can honestly say that I have loved some of the men I've cheated on but I just wanted my cake and to eat it aswell. I knew I wouldn't get caught and that noone would get hurt (cos they didn't know) so I just went for it.

I don't particularly feel guilty about cheating cos what he doesn't know doesn't hurt him, it's not affecting our relationship (other than making it better cos i'm in a great mood cos i feel good about myself)

I know I sound harsh and cold but I'm not at all, I just think you only live once and why should you not make yourself happy and get your kicks where and when you can?

Regards the whole 'innocent' party I'm amfraid I have to agree with whosorrynow - the 'innocent' party does have a responsibility. You can't withold sex and affection and then hold the person who strays 100% responsible for going elsewhere.
For example, I have sat down with my hubby on loads of occassions over the years and told him that his lack of enthusiasm in the bedroom makes me sad and insecure and depressed and frustrated - he NEVER makes any effort to do anything about it. So now I've given up and decided, fine, he's had chance to fix it decided he didn't want to so I'm just gonna go elsewhere and get that area of my life satisfied with someoone else.

ok - am ready for the fallout now...ready,aim,fire!!!

nogoes · 02/05/2007 09:32

dancingtina - if your dh makes you sad and insecure and doesn't care about that then perhaps it is time to call it a day. Neither of you are doing much for each others self esteem. Will he try counselling?

FloatingOnTheMed · 02/05/2007 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gobbledigook · 02/05/2007 11:05

Never

chipmonkey · 02/05/2007 12:38

Never have, never will. If a relationship is worth having, an affair will jeopardise it, so not worth the shot-term thrill. And if a relationship is not worth saving, end it.

UnquietDad · 02/05/2007 12:49

paddlechick - bit of both is the honest answer!

KerryMum · 02/05/2007 12:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

noddyholder · 02/05/2007 12:57

I agree you can cheat and still love your partner.There are so many factors that come in to it and we are all ego driven at times even if it is hard to admit and a bit of flattery at a time when your life is going through a dull patch can lead you into trouble.

LilyLoo · 02/05/2007 13:10

sorry not read whole thread but has this confirmed 'once a cheater, always a cheater' as op or not ?

Paddlechick666 · 02/05/2007 13:33

hi lilyloo, if anything i think it's confirmed that it can't be predicted LOL.

some who have would never again, others have never, some have and might again.....

LilyLoo · 02/05/2007 13:34

Hi paddle >> thanks it's all clear now then

FloatingOnTheMed · 02/05/2007 13:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oblomov · 02/05/2007 13:38

'once a cheater, always a cheater' as op ?
Yes, once a cheater, always a cheater.
I know its easy for me to sit here and say I never will.
But I truely believe that. Dh & I have talked about it. I would leave him first. I believe that my personality / morals/ how I feel about cheating / my friends who see married men etc etc. means that I am not the sort of person who would cheat.
I don't see the attraction of it.
You may mock and say, you don't know how you would behave in a given situation. But I feel so strongly about relationships/fidelity/ marriage/commitment, that I like to think I can make that statement.

Either you are a cheater / potential cheater. Or you are not.

LilyLoo · 02/05/2007 13:42

so then it's a case of no guarantees whether you will cheat or not and whether you will be cheated on or not ! You can have a moral standing on this either way but until you are ever faced with that situation you can never guarantee anything a 100%. A relationship can only be based on love and trust never on guarantees!

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