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Am I mad?? Very persistent 'feeling' he has cheated but nothing really to back it up..

105 replies

ScaredMum22 · 11/02/2018 15:47

Long term relationship for 11 years. Has been ups and downs, and also really bad downs which we've managed to pull out of and really good ups, like most people I guess.

However for the past say a year or so, I have just had this feeling, I can't describe it, just that something has gone on, maybe ongoing maybe not, but just a feeling that something has 'shifted' in our relationship.

He has his bad faults as do I I suppose, but he has never given me any indication he is anything other than loyal and trustworthy in that regard. That's why I can't understand why I feel the way I do.

There are only a couple of niggly things -

Last September it was my birthday but we were working different shifts. He called me in the afternoon and but I couldn't answer so he left a voicemail just happy birthday etc and that he was waiting on bus to collect DC very normal. But then after he obviously thought he had hung up his phone I could hear him still talking , quite loud having a conversation nothing dodgy but saying "which bus are you on?? I'm going to be late for DC, Haha oh yes you'll have to hurry up!!" . Then he realised he was still on the call with me and went oh and hung up. He immediately called me back making a big song and dance and over-explanation (not like him) that he was shouting across road to , you know, the guy at the school, so and so dad , and so and so dad was going to hold the bus for him. But it didn't add up because a) he isn't the type to over explain like that and he sounded off and high pitched towards me when telling me and b) it doesn't add up as why would he be asking what bus are you on if the guy was holding it at the stop not on it yet, and c) he literally barely barely knows this guy and the tone he was using when talking was jokey and way more personal and friendly. I realise this makes me sound a bit mad but it sounded like a conversation on another phone and the way he called me back panicked when he realised isn't like him at all.

Recently when the topic of cheating has come up. Not regularly, just the odd seeing a celebrity on the news cheating or something, sometimes he will mention sometimes me, but the few occasions it has come up he has a really guilty look on his face.. just a fleeting look but weird.

He takes DC to his parents on Saturdays and his parents take DC out about 9 and are back for 1 then they all have lunch together at his parents before he comes back here. However past couple months I've noticed a pattern that at least every second week if I call between say 10 and 1 pm , even if i call repeatedly, he doesn't answer at all it just rings and rings, he will then call me back at bang on the time his parents would be getting back with DC. When I mentioned this he claimed his phone on silent (not the norm) and when pressed he claimed he was trying to sleep or read and i was 'hassling' him - btw I don't phone him often at all, he usually actually calls me to chat more than I call him. So that was a bit weird.

Honestly, I am not normally crazily jealous or paranoid or anything, and I cannot very well confront on the basis of the above can I ?! There are no other signs at all, but I just cannot shake the feeling that something has shifted or happened.

Thanks if you got to the end of my ramble, not sure what I am asking , I guess if anyone else has felt this kind of guy feeling and what happened, or what should I do..

OP posts:
MrsElvis · 20/02/2018 23:40

You couldn't hold it in anymore. Don't be angry at yourself.

Rosielily · 20/02/2018 23:50

I don't understand why you need an invitation from him and/or his parents to visit his parents' home especially when he is there. Is there back story here? And why were you buying a family member a present? Is that someone you get on with within the family?

ferrier · 21/02/2018 00:22

Maybe the change in him is a realisation that the relationship has run it's course.

ferrier · 21/02/2018 00:23

*its

Monkeypuzzle32 · 21/02/2018 07:26

I agree with Ferrier it sounds like the times he's been at his parents is time he's taken out from the relationship, not necessarily with someone else.

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