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Original poster

Isn't sorting out dh's diet his responsibility?

84 replies

Historicallyinaccurate · 05/02/2018 21:37

I do aim to help, however...
Both awake at same time, he commutes, gets back at six, dinner is ready for when he gets in. I get kids ready and off to school, then work until pick up, after school activities, snacks/play/make dinner. I do the food shop once a week on Mondays, picking up extra bits with DC as necessary.
Dh is overweight and has starting seeing a dietician, who has suggested changing dinners to be more healthy. Tbh, I didn't think they were that bad, but I've changed a few bits. We have takeaway once a week. DC don't like salads and stir fry stuff, so I'm a bit in the dark. I have asked him to tell me what to buy, but he hasn't yet. I don't want to be looking into diet stuff in my 'free time' when he's not bothering, nor do I want to make meals the DC won't eat. Shouldn't he be helping with that particular mental load? It may seem petty, but it's just another job on the list for someone else who CBA.

OP posts:
Cambionome · 05/02/2018 21:41

You're not his mother. He is perfectly capable of doing this himself.

Teabay · 05/02/2018 21:43

It's definitely his job. He's a grown up.
You say, "the DC are having xyz for dinner. They need the calories. Do you want that? And if not, what do you want instead?"
If it's a small adjustment, make it. If it's an entirely different meal, just point him in the direction of the kitchen, FFS.

WTFIsThisVirus · 05/02/2018 21:44

To be honest, if DP was being told to lose weight, I would probably do the majority of research as I am cooking it.

However, I don't think it has to be that hard/ doesn't require that much research.

Swap to lean meats and fish
Always offer a couple of vegetable options

Smaller portion sizes
Fruit instead of desserts

Just a few things I can think of off the top of my head.

Bluntness100 · 05/02/2018 21:46

The dietician sounds shit if they simply said make dinners more healthy and left it there. Normally they explain how. I'd change dietician. I could have friggen told him to make his dinners more healthy then closed the conversation.

Passthecake30 · 05/02/2018 21:47

I think you should be supporting him if you are doing all the shopping and all the cooking tbh. That said, could he contribute to a meal plan, shopping list prep etc? Cook at weekends? Dish up his own food so you aren't too blame for loading his plate up?

MissTrixie · 05/02/2018 21:47

Abso-bloody-lutely! I have a similar issue, DH complains if there isn't food in the house for his lunch - he works from home - I'm out at work all day. Haven't you heard of shops, mate? Also complains that Dd's crisps (which I try to hide from him, in places that he never goes, eg the washing machine) are making him fat. Oooh, I don't know, have you ever thought about maybe not eating not? Grr

Emily7708 · 05/02/2018 21:52

I’d be very surprised if he is overweight due to the evening meals you are cooking, unless you are making ridiculously big and calorific meals. More likely he’s eating shit all day, cakes at work, fattening sandwiches at lunch etc. He should be monitoring his own diet.

sadie9 · 05/02/2018 21:52

He should be getting involved. For example at the weekends, he could prep and chop all his veg for stir fries and freeze them.

Cricrichan · 05/02/2018 21:54

What kind of food do you cook at the moment?

Weezol · 05/02/2018 21:58

I'm thinking the same thing as Emily. His weight is his responsibility. If he did more at home the exercise would be beneficial to him and would make your life better.

Sounds like he's giving you the edited highlights of his appointment with the dietician, it's usual to come away with various print outs and leaflets for guidance.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 05/02/2018 22:01

Agree with Emily re the evening meal alone not solely responsible for him being overweight.
Snacking during day and alcohol in the evening /weekend should be first things to cut out

SandyY2K · 05/02/2018 22:04

it's his responsibility, but there's no harm in being supportive....which may include meal suggestions and making the whole family healthy meals.

There's no reason he cannot cook either though.

Bigfatchips · 05/02/2018 22:04

Yes, his diet is definitely his business. But aren't you interested in eating healthily too and encouraging your children to eat well? Hopefully you don't only give them the foods they will always eat and never try anything else with them?

NoSquirrels · 05/02/2018 22:06

He need to take responsibility - ideally by meal planning in consultation with you on a Sunday, and then cooking 3 times per week. The DC might expand their repertoire a bit if you vary things, DH can take charge of his health, and you both can share a tedious chore.

My DH is overweight but takesno real responsibility. I used to try to facilitate things because I’d really like him to lose the weight. But ultimately it never worked because he wasn’t really owning the issue, and now I have given up. I cook good healthy meals and neither I nor DC are fat - but DH’s issue is always snacks and drinks. Nothing I do for one meal a day is the issue.

motherofyorkies · 05/02/2018 22:08

It sounds like he wants to eat more vegetables, but that you can't be bothered because you don't think the children will eat them.
The two of you could to sit down together and come up with a meal plan and shopping list. You could do the shop together, and he can do a lot of the meal prep on weekends. You could work together to make the way the whole family eats healthier. (Since he is overweight, the chances of your children becoming overweight are higher).

SurvivalOfTheUnfittest · 05/02/2018 22:12

This reminds me of when the dc were 3 and 2 and do was told by his nutritionalist to have more relaxation and me time. The only way this could be achieved was for me to have less of both, even though I already did the lion's share of the childcare and did much less for me! I would definitely say that your dh should do the work to sort out his diet.

Love51 · 05/02/2018 22:19

My DH often does the food shop. I've been trying to lose weight recently. I don't expect him to google my weight loss technique, I just add the stuff I want to his list. With quantities if needed. If he's cooking I either eat what I'm given, ask for an amendment, or, in theory, cook myself. But if it's his turn to cook it's usually because it is inconvenient for me to do so.

Schlimbesserung · 05/02/2018 22:20

It seems really unlikely to me that one meal is making him gain weight and all his eating habits the rest of the time are just fine. Convenient for him though.
Unless you want to lose weight too, then let him sort out his own food, since he seems to be saying that your cooking has forced him to be fat. If he has another appointment it might be a good idea to go with him so you can get the actual information he is being given.

TheNoseyProject · 05/02/2018 22:24

Does that mean he’s buying his other two meals a day and any snacks as if so that’s where the weight gain is. Bought packaged food is so much more calorific and sugary. Even the simplest sandwich is bunged full of stuff you’d never add at home.

NanooCov · 05/02/2018 22:37

What do you make for dinner currently? If the dietician has picked up on that particularly, presumably after input from your DH, are they actually unhealthy? And if so would it not be a good idea to try and make them better? Children don't require extra calories (as suggested by a previous poster).
If they're leeway's healthy and he's perhaps telling his dietician porkies about where his calorie intake is coming from, then you're not unreasonable to tell him to sort his own diet out.

Original poster
Historicallyinaccurate · 05/02/2018 22:40

survival I can see that great advice being implemented. Not!
The dietician did do the split your plate into half beg, quarter protein/carbs talk, and a few other pearls if wisdom which I can't remember off the top of my head because I already knew them! And have mentioned them to dh before. Fair enough, I'm not always good at sticking to them myself, but when I was dieting it was me that spent the time looking stuff up and making two slightly different meals. In my time. We do have plenty of veggies at most meals mother, and the DC do eat them. That's not the problem. The DC actually eat a much wider range of foods than most I've come across. It's more the fact that I've gotten into a rotation of meals which we all enjoy after many years of trying new things(and having one or other of the DC not like them), and while I am making some easy substitutions (eg salmon for adults while kids don't like fish but will eat breaded chicken), if he wants a load of different meals with more variety, or to try out different stuff, I feel he should come up with the ideas now. It's not as if I enjoy it, or even have more spare time to think about it. To put it bluntly, I think he's been comfortable with me at home sorting everything out for many years, and relies on this for everything, whereas I think he should have more input if he wants things to change. We don't have time to shop together unless at a weekend with DC, prob not the best time.
I do think I'm supportive, but I have the same problem as misstrixie... have been told on a number of occasions not to buy nice things for the DC because he can't stop eating them! Sorry, but I'm not giving up nutella for anyone! Grin
Agree with the large portions being a possible problem - his family always overloaded the plate, I try not to so much, but I think it's a habit he's still trying to break. Don't know what he eats while out of the house...
I'll sit down more seriously to make a meal plan, but tbh I've tried this before, and it peeves me to have to take responsibility again, when all he has to do is tell me a few meals he wants making and I'll buy them! Ideally I don't want to have to make dinner then an extra stir fry for him through the week, and he's prob not going to want to do that when he gets in from work as it's the most labour intensive option.
Glad I'm not being U though.

OP posts:
RunRabbitRunRabbit · 05/02/2018 22:53

I'll sit down more seriously to make a meal plan
Er, what, why?

You make dinner for you and DC. He makes his own special food. Surely that's what all adults on a diet do?

Why not offer that if he takes over the meal planning and shopping then you will cook to his plan with the stuff in the house that he bought?

I have asked him to tell me what to buy, but he hasn't yet. So carry on exactly as you are until he complains again then remind him to give you a meal plan and get the shopping in.

AdoraBell · 05/02/2018 22:57

What RunRabit said.

NoSquirrels · 05/02/2018 23:03

No no - HE makes the meal plan in consultation with you, so you have a shopping list for Monday. You cook what you like - he says what he wants & takes responsibility fir cooking some of it.

Buy smaller plates.

Otherwise leave him to sort himself out. He actually needs to consider this stuff if he’s going to succeed in changing his habits, so don’t do it for him. Help him - yes. Enable him - no.

NoSquirrels · 05/02/2018 23:06

Ideally I don't want to have to make dinner then an extra stir fry for him through the week

So don’t!

and he's prob not going to want to do that when he gets in from work as it's the most labour intensive option.

Diddums. Price of success though - if he’s committed he’ll change.