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Original poster

Isn't sorting out dh's diet his responsibility?

84 replies

Historicallyinaccurate · 05/02/2018 21:37

I do aim to help, however...
Both awake at same time, he commutes, gets back at six, dinner is ready for when he gets in. I get kids ready and off to school, then work until pick up, after school activities, snacks/play/make dinner. I do the food shop once a week on Mondays, picking up extra bits with DC as necessary.
Dh is overweight and has starting seeing a dietician, who has suggested changing dinners to be more healthy. Tbh, I didn't think they were that bad, but I've changed a few bits. We have takeaway once a week. DC don't like salads and stir fry stuff, so I'm a bit in the dark. I have asked him to tell me what to buy, but he hasn't yet. I don't want to be looking into diet stuff in my 'free time' when he's not bothering, nor do I want to make meals the DC won't eat. Shouldn't he be helping with that particular mental load? It may seem petty, but it's just another job on the list for someone else who CBA.

OP posts:

motherofyorkies · 06/02/2018 03:38

been told on a number of occasions not to buy nice things for the DC because he can't stop eating them! Sorry, but I'm not giving up nutella for anyone!

By "nice" you mean foods high in sugar and fat and devoid of nutritional value.

Parker231 · 06/02/2018 03:45

Why can’t your DH do the food shopping and cooking?

motherofyorkies · 06/02/2018 04:48

because he works full and time and she works part time. She does the shopping and the cooking while he is at work.

BarbaraofSevillle · 06/02/2018 05:03

Well if you don't know what he is having for breakfast and lunch and you do the food shopping then he must be buying it while he goes out to work.

It could be all porridge pots and healthy prepared salads but it could equally be fried breakfasts from the greasy spoon, big sandwiches with lots of cheese and mayonnaise with pop and crisps on the side, and the fatty offerings of Greggs and McDonald's so he needs to look at this too as what he has for dinner will be irrelevant and leave you making all the effort that he spends all day undoing.

Klobuchar · 06/02/2018 05:09

Ultimately you’re right, it is his responsibility. But without your support, he will get nowhere. You’re going to need to change the way you do things, together. He needs to get more involved with meal planning, shopping and cooking and you’re going to have to do your bit too. You’re his partner and you’re there to support each other when it comes to stuff like this

Original poster

Historicallyinaccurate · 06/02/2018 05:28

Ha, don't know why anyone would seem to think I'm not already doing my bit!

He does have a healthy (dietician approved) breakfast, and tries to take in a healthy lunch when in the office, so it appears the main meals need an overhaul next. I've taken on board the relevant advice. Thanks.
mother by 'nice' things for the DC, I mean a packet of crisis for lunch and oaty snack bar type things. The nutella is for my oatmeal . Will also admit to the odd bar of chocolate and cake bar, it's not our staple diet tho. Maybe he just shouldn't look in the pantry anymore...

OP posts:

Original poster

Historicallyinaccurate · 06/02/2018 05:29

Packet of crisis? Crisps, obviously!

OP posts:

GlitterUnicornsAndAllThatJazz · 06/02/2018 05:30

Why don't you put the whole family on the Mediterranean "diet" (not really a diet at all).

Wholegrains instead of refined.
Lots of fruit and veg.
A little dairy.
Some white meat.

Its a delicious way of eating and you wont have to faff with different meals.

RainyApril · 06/02/2018 06:34

My advice would be to adapt your current meals to make them healthier (slimming world is quite good for this), ditch the weekly takeaway and stop buying snacks that have no nutritional value.

I don't know what you enjoy, but they have recipes for curries and burgers and spag bol, and I doubt your dc would tell the difference.

Yes, he could research the meals and print off recipes and shopping lists but he is definitely going to also need the support of his family for it to have any chance of success.

If he hasn't yet got the willpower to resist sugary snacks if they're in the cupboard, or a takeaway if everyone else is having one, then I think it would be kind to support him with that, at least until he's managed to change his habits and is in a better position to resist.

dirtybadger · 06/02/2018 06:46

If you arent overweight eating your meals, then its unlikely its the culprit his weight. Unless one of you dishes out a much bigger portion for him? If so, just reduce portion size. If not- its not the evening meal anyway!

He has to do this himself, really. That said....having some foods in the house is really difficult. "Just dont eat them" wont cut it for someone who is, almost, addicted for food. Or who binges.

I live with my mum. She has to hide some food from me, because I am prone to binges. She eats a lot of shit (like nutella, crisps, etc), but in small amounts so it lies around constantly. I am strong enough not to buy it, but when I am feeling weak and hopeless at home and going to binge, I will eat a whole jar/family pack. And then Ill just replace it the next day. If this rings any bells then I think hiding it somewhere is acceptable to reduce grazing or binge behaviour. Its difficult trying to lose weight if you are surrounded with temptations you didnt put there.

dertyyuoih2 · 06/02/2018 06:51

My husband was slightly over weight and has lost a stone since Xmas, no alcohol, using the my fitness pal ap to stay within 1600 calories a day.
I’ve changed what I cook, more proteins and veggies and salad. Lean meats , salmon etc. Swapping to frylight to cook with. He’s also doing the 16/8 where you only eat for 8 hours in the day and have 16 hours fasting.
Working for him so far!

dertyyuoih2 · 06/02/2018 06:53

It’s nade me massively think about what I cook, I bought readymade before for some things - lasagne- the sat fat content of this is shocking from the retailer I went to. It’s something I never would have bothered looking at before!
It’s just about changing habits

Bonkerz · 06/02/2018 06:55

My dh was diagnosed diabetic over 14 years ago. It was too stressful for me to cook for him (he's a fussy eater) so I stopped about 9 years ago. He now does his own food shopping too.
I cook for me and kids he does his own.

MonaChopsis · 06/02/2018 07:00

I am overweight, prone to binges, and currently on a diet (the blood sugar diet, so quite hard going). I can, however, resist eating the crisps and other treats for DD's lunches. It's just a mental block of 'that's not mine to eat', combined with being firmly committed to my diet and lifestyle changes.

If he is truly committed to dieting, I think he should be able to cope with having unhealthy food in the house without scoffing it! I agree he should also be shouldering the mental load of meal planning and shopping.

Whiskas, one small change for you that might help him... Do you meal plan? If you do, do it a day earlier then leave the plan out so he can look at it and offer suggestions for amendments. If they are easy, no problem. If they are difficult, he can cook that meal for you both (or just himself if you'd rather eat with the kids). If he doesn't change anything, well then that's his issue to own. Sound feasible?

SuperBeagle · 06/02/2018 07:01

It won't just be the dinners which are causing his weight problems. What is he eating during the day?

userabcname · 06/02/2018 07:03

Yep his responsibility. He is perfectly capable of shopping and cooking even if he works FT. In fact, my husband has done all the shopping and cooking the past couple of weeks while working FT and I'm on mat leave. It's not a big deal. Tell him if he doesn't want to go to the shop, to order online (and they even give you healthy recipe ideas which can be useful), get it delivered and then he can cook from those ingredients while you and DC carry on as you were. Also if he is snacking on stuff then I think he should tackle that first - a healthy dinner won't help him lose weight if he spends the rest of the evening eating rubbish.

Scabbersley · 06/02/2018 07:03

Blimey. I would be helping my dh with this as I don't want him to drop dead early!
Tbh from what you've written your entire diet could do with an overhaul.

If you insist in saying that you cook healthy evening meals... But he's fat, so he's getting those calories from somewhere! Booze? Ditch the takeaway from next week and get him to cook on that night instead. The hairy bikers diet book is really good.

Josieannathe2nd · 06/02/2018 07:06

No no no... he wants to be healthy so at the very least he shoulders the mental load and plans his healthy meals. If it’s convenient for you to do so and the kids will also eat then you make them too, otherwise he does. As you’re shopping anyway buy for him but he needs to do the thinking. I share your pain. My husband CBA even to add what he wants to the online delivery. I am slim and bf and eat loads. He sits at a desk all day and in the past if I try & change his diet he buys fast food and eats frozen pizza (in the freezer for emergencies!) in the evening. Not just for the sake of burdening you with more to do but for his own health he needs to take it on, plan and stick to it.

Scabbersley · 06/02/2018 07:06

I can't believe all the 'advice' on here saying tell him to cook and shop separately

I'm on a diet atm and dh is very respectful and helpful, always asking what I can and can't eat and making me a carb alternative when he cooks. I'd do the same for him but reading this we eat healthily anyway, bottle of wine on a sat night, no takeaway ever, lots of fish and two veggie meals a week. The kids eat what we eat.

Scabbersley · 06/02/2018 07:11

Your dcs don't need a packet of crisps everyday either.

NoraButty · 06/02/2018 07:19

If you think it could be that the portion sizes are contributing try giving everyone empty plates and placing the food in the middle of the table.

We do this as we all have different likes, wants and needs and the the wants and likes vary day to day. I find that myself and OH eat less than if I'd have dished up plates as I tend to go overboard if I plate for other people.

(It's also better for leftovers, less waste off plates to go in the bin).

Steamcloud · 06/02/2018 07:23

A packet of crisis for lunch is hilarious

I'd say meal planning is definitely the way to go here. Could you buy your DH the wherewithal so he can do some batch cooking at weekends? Healthy stuff like veg soups, chick pea stews, ratatouille etc. I know it's a pain when you have such a lot on, but it could work with a bit of advance prep ie ratatouille with fish filet or roasted cauliflower for your dh = blended ratatouille to make pasta sauce for DC etc.

liltingleaf · 06/02/2018 07:39

You could check that no one is getting over 30g added sugar per day, as per NHS guidelines. If he eats fruit flavoured yoghurts they could be as much as 20g per portion, a biscuit 15g, non frosted cereal with dried fruits can be 8g, half a tin of baked beans 10g. So it can soon add up if you are not making everything yourself from with basic ingredients from scratch.

XmasInTintagel · 06/02/2018 07:49

because he works full and time and she works part time. She does the shopping and the cooking while he is at work.
Working full time doesn't mean he couldn't ever cook, or suggest what he wants to eat!
Its like the 1950's!
He could do a top up shop on Friday night or Saturday morning of the ingredients for 2 healthy evening meals, and cook them over weekend for the family. It would be a nice idea even without his need to lose weight.
Its not written in stone that a part time working woman is the only person in a house who should have to cook!

LizzieSiddal · 06/02/2018 08:00

When my Dh was losing weight we didn’t keep any high fat or high sugar food in the house. If we did he couldn’t resist eating it at some point.

I can’t ti the conclusion that non of is needed it, so I just stopped buying it. If we wanted a snack it was fruit. All our taste buds changed and we were all eating a healthier diet.

Try it for a few weeks.

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