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Original poster

Isn't sorting out dh's diet his responsibility?

84 replies

Historicallyinaccurate · 05/02/2018 21:37

I do aim to help, however...
Both awake at same time, he commutes, gets back at six, dinner is ready for when he gets in. I get kids ready and off to school, then work until pick up, after school activities, snacks/play/make dinner. I do the food shop once a week on Mondays, picking up extra bits with DC as necessary.
Dh is overweight and has starting seeing a dietician, who has suggested changing dinners to be more healthy. Tbh, I didn't think they were that bad, but I've changed a few bits. We have takeaway once a week. DC don't like salads and stir fry stuff, so I'm a bit in the dark. I have asked him to tell me what to buy, but he hasn't yet. I don't want to be looking into diet stuff in my 'free time' when he's not bothering, nor do I want to make meals the DC won't eat. Shouldn't he be helping with that particular mental load? It may seem petty, but it's just another job on the list for someone else who CBA.

OP posts:

saoirse31 · 06/02/2018 08:01

I half agree with u op, and half think you could take opp to move everyone to a healthier diet anyway ie move to wholegrain, get rid of takeaway etc. Good for you and kids too... You sound tbh more annoyed with him than supportive...

LizzieSiddal · 06/02/2018 08:01

*I came to the conclusion that non of us needed it

Scabbersley · 06/02/2018 08:05

You sound resentful that you might have to give up your 'treats'

No grown up needs to eat Nutella fgs

LaurG · 06/02/2018 08:13

It is up to him essentially but if you do the cooking then as part of your share of the chores then yes you need to accommodate him to an extent. I’d tell him he needs to get you 5/6 recipes from his dietician of the sorts of things he should be eating. Preferably family friendly so you can all try them.

I would recommend the hairy bikers diet book. It’s amaxing. Healthy meals that taste amazing that you could cook for everyone not just the husband. They even do fake takeaways so you could replace this with a healthier version. Mist of the recipes are online for free too.

My husband is overweight. Cooking healthy since Xmas has already got half a stone off him. My major hurdle is what he eats out of this house and when I’m not there. He is like a moth to a flame to sweets and unhealthy food. I’ve stopped buying biscuits because he will eat them all. But goodness knows what he has for lunch.

My attitude is that I can’t stop him eating poorly out of the house but I can in the house. It’s annoying that he won’t sort it out himself but cooking healthy is good for all of us so I accommodate him.

cheminotte · 06/02/2018 08:16

Could you start with reducing the takeaway to every other week?
Does he record what he’s eating during the day? His breakfast and lunch may be healthy but I bet there are cakes and biscuits in his workplace.

FaithEverPresent · 06/02/2018 08:25

I read ‘The No S diet’ ar Christmas and started at NY. It’s realky opened my eyes to how much I was eating and grazing. The author suggests most people are overweight because they snack...I suspect your OH is snacking a lot more than he admits. On No S, you have no snacks, no sweets, no seconds, except on S days (Saturdays, Sundays and two Special days a month). I think it’s worth your OH reading it if he feels he ‘can’t resist’ the kid’s treats.

If you know anyone who attends SW, it’s worth giving them the money to buy the Fakeaway book - takeaway type treats with much less fat and sugar!

I think you need to start meal planning together. You need something that works for everyone.

MachineBee · 06/02/2018 08:51

Smaller plates.
Reduce alcohol. We have minimum of three days per week alcohol-free.
Those two things made so much difference to me.

And I stopped the takeaways and saved what I would have spent. Amazing how it soon mounts up. If you do it for a year, it can fund a family holiday.

Lunde · 06/02/2018 10:48

Does he eat anything else during the working day from cafés and vending machines? - a take-away milky coffee each day could be adding a huge number of calories.

Is he drinking alcohol regularly?

What sort of take away does he have? Woolfing down a pizza or korma could be adding 1000s of calories.

Can you put treat items in a box or tin so dh doesn't see them?

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 06/02/2018 15:20

Why are so many people giving diet tips?

The person who needs to diet isn't on the thread. The person who needs to diet has seen a dietician anyway.

OP is pissed off. Her husband is trying to blame her for his failure to follow his dietician's guidance.

She doesn't need diet tips FFS.

AtrociousCircumstance · 06/02/2018 15:22

He gets in at six? That’s nice and early. He can cook a separate meal himself if he needs to.

You carry on exactly as you are and wait for him to start a conversation about it. Then remind him that it is his responsibility to make clear requests and contribute his time.

You already do more than him. You shouldn’t have to parent him too.

Original poster

Historicallyinaccurate · 06/02/2018 20:41

Tbh from what you've written your entire diet could do with an overhaul.
Hmm, what is is bad from what I have mentioned? One takeaway a week is not unusual for too many ppl, I would think. I have a spoon of nutella a day, the DC have a packet of crisis with their school packed lunch. Not solely a packet of crisis, as you seemed to believe steam!

Thx for the useful tips. As previously mentioned, I've dieted before and passed on tips which don't seem to be taken on board unless divulged by a real professional...
I don't police his lunches or eating when working away, I know he's always eaten overly large portions, and he's trying to reduce this, but in the past had gone for a slice of bread afterwards if still hungry after the portion I gave. I have asked for input in the past and he knows when I do the shopping. I'm not going to totally stop buying treats for DC because he might eat them though. He's an adult, he really can stop himself.
It's difficult, I'm trying to be as supportive as possible without shouldering the responsibility, because I really don't see why he's incapable of taking responsibility exactly as I did for myself. I've given advice, changed some things etc, but when it comes down to it he's got unrealistic expectations of the slow changes he's implemented so far, and still does things he shouldn't (yes to beer, I don't buy it, he does).
Thx for the tips and ppl who haven't implied this is another job I need to be responsible for!

OP posts:

Steamcloud · 06/02/2018 20:44

Very sorry op. I was laughing at the typo! Not a comment on the lunch content I promise!

Original poster

Historicallyinaccurate · 06/02/2018 21:11

OK steam sorry I misunderstood. I'm getting a bit defensive

OP posts:

Huntinginthedark · 06/02/2018 21:20

Why don’t you do an online shop together of an evening and go through Ideas
Or is this much more of a “he just expects me to deal with it”
Which is a completely different issue imo

Steamcloud · 06/02/2018 21:25

No problem Whisk! .

It is infuriating when you tell your dh something - which they choose to ignore - and then they repeat the very same thing back to you as if it was some amazing revelation and because they heard it from a professional therefore it must be right. Grrrrrrr.

In the end, putting it very bluntly, we are ultimately responsible for what we choose to put in our gobs! And I say this as someone who is three stone overweight!

Original poster

Historicallyinaccurate · 06/02/2018 22:40

You sound tbh more annoyed with him than supportive...
Hmm, I guess I do . After doing it myself a while back, and now giving advice which goes in one ear and out the other because I'm not a proper professional (spot on steam), making changes, asking for input, etc... tbh, apart from the specific book/recipe mentions I've tried most of what is mentioned here. But as pp say, I don't know what he's eating at other times. The takeaway can be cut down (we only eat McDonalds or similar rarely, so it's not in addition to a bunch of junk) and meals at home are pretty healthy (apart from some desserts the kids like), so I'm just getting frustrated that the changes that still need to be made (beer on a weekend, smaller portions, input into diet meals) should be his decisions but apparently need to be policed by me. I'm not his mum, he's not an extra DC! There's a big difference between being supportive and doing it all yourself.

Maybe I don't want to make any extra effort because he's ignored my previous efforts at education . When he told me about the dieticians advice about not eating between dinner and breakfast because the 'fast' was good for you, I could have whacked him. That's exactly what I'd been telling him about six months earlier.

OP posts:

Weezol · 06/02/2018 22:45

The advice given by AtrociousCircumstance is excellent.

Huntinginthedark · 06/02/2018 22:47

To be fair. I would be annoyed too.
I hate it when you tell someone something you’ve learned and researched and then they go off and get the same info from someone else (at least he didn’t get it from a mate down the pub, I would probably have choked him on a broccoli spear)

Reminds me of work situations where I say something because I know it. And then someone else goes and gets a second opinion usually from a man. And then decides to implement MY ideas. Really gets my goat.

Longdistance · 06/02/2018 22:49

He’s a grown adult. He can get his own fucking shopping if he’s that bothered.
I agree, you do more than your fair share.

NoSquirrels · 06/02/2018 23:59

Yup, yup, yup.

It’s mike the Fast Show sketch of the invisible woman, where they mansplain back to you the things you already know and tried to tell them.

So the only sanity-saving measure is to allow them to think they’ve discovered the “secret”.

Don’t engage too much. Be supportive- “let me know your dinner preferences” etc.

Goodasgoldilox · 07/02/2018 00:06

' the large portions...a possible problem - his family always overloaded the plate, I try not to so much, but I think it's a habit he's still trying to break.'

Give him a smaller plate?

It is possible to make little changes to meals to bring the calories down but if he is not interested then you can get the same effect by reducing the portions. Smaller plates do work.

Huntinginthedark · 07/02/2018 00:08

Why can’t he get himself a smaller plate!!! I think that’s the gist of the whole thread

Goodasgoldilox · 07/02/2018 00:08

He can always fill up on carrot/cucumber etc. if he is still hungry

altiara · 07/02/2018 00:12

Carry on as you are OP.
When he provides his shopping list, you can add it to the weekly shop. Until then, he’s in charge of the special diet.
He’s also getting home early so can easily stir fry a bit of chicken and veg in 5-10 mins. If he was a woman that arrived home at 6, you’d see them perfectly capable of putting a meal on, well so can he!

butterfly56 · 07/02/2018 00:15

He's overeating and probably not exercising enough.
But OP it's up to him to sort out his diet.
He could cut out all sugar and eat low carb, no bread or potatoes
and the weight will come off but it's up to him.
Also you have no idea how much stuff he's eating while at work.
So don't get heavily invested in his diet regime as he's not really committed to making the necessary changes himself if he can't be bothered to tell you what he wants to do about it.

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