When I first started dating DP he mentioned he had a female friend and he really hoped he could continue the friendship if we became more serious as previous girlfriends had made that impossible. I took this information at face value and said it's nice to have platonic friends of the opposite sex etc etc.
As we continued dating bits of further info were drip fed. Here are few bits of info:
- they have slept together on and off in the past
- he's had romantic feelings for her
- she kept him "on the hook" for years
- he's put her before other GFs taking her to see a comedian
- their regular meet ups were always in his house or her car (for drives out)
- their "friendship" doesn't seem to continue well if either of them are in relationships
- DP had asked her if she wanted to date him at a point when they were both single and she turned him down (I think more than once)
- when we set our facebook profiles to being in a relationship with each other she was apparently quite upset with him!
We also had a xmas where he'd been seeing her less and she bought him a pointed xmas gift which referenced how they had met oh so long ago, after him saying that in previous years he'd either not received a gift or received something impersonal. It felt like a passive aggressive neon sign on his mantelpiece.
When we moved in together I eventually laid all this out on the table and told him he'd hidden the nature of their "friendship", that I would NOT have been as okay with the situation given all the info and that I was not happy with the situation eg them meeting up for cosy movie nights etc. I questioned why they never met up out of the house for a coffee, or with other friends, or why I'd met every one of his other friends but not this one.
He said he understood why I felt uncomfortable. That was about a year and a half ago. Since then as far as I know they've not met up but have had the odd message exchange.
So not to the present. Last night DP said "friend" is moving out of town soon to move in with her current boyfriend and that he'd like to meet up and have a catch up with her before she moves.
I feel like he's still carrying a torch for her, they have a sexual history and attraction and affection. I think in a way it's worse than an actual ex you've been in a relationship with as this friend has never actually committed to a relationship with him so it's like what could have been / unfinished business. From what I can gather they've been friends with the odd few spates of friends with benefits in the mix (until DP has asked for more and been rebuffed). I'm not sure when they actually met but I gather they've been doing this friends, sex partners, not friends, friends merry go round for about a decade!!!
I'd love to hear everyone's thoughts on this. I'm not a jealous person by nature. DP has tonnes of male and female friends and often socialises without me (as do I with my friends who all just happen to be female). I went to bed with a pit of worry in my stomach and woke up with the same feeling.