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Original poster

Is he stingy or is it me?

88 replies

StingyOrMe · 03/02/2018 20:59

I’ve been dating a guy for a while and on every date we have gone Dutch. One time he had to cancel a date (for a valid reason) and said “I’ll take you to dinner to make it up to yo ....” and I assumed this meant he would pay, he did pay the bill after some hesitation but said “it’s on you next time” is it me or is this a bit Hmm I work FT and so does he, he has a much higher paying job than I do and also I’m a single parent with 2 DC.
I don’t expect to be princessed and bought flowers and showered with gifts, but would like to see a little bit of generosity.

He has openly said in casual conversation “I am cheap” and someone once said to me that when someone tells you who they are, listen. He buys things for himself though and goes on trips away so he isn’t frugal everywhere...We are still only dating, so is this normal behaviour before you get to defined relationship stage? It’s been a long while since I’ve dated and maybe in a bit out of touch. Dating him is becoming expensive for me, and I’m not ready to invite him to mine yet.
Is he stingy or do I sound like a princess? Confused

OP posts:
kateclarke · 03/02/2018 21:01

Definitely stingy and would put me off a little bit.

LEMtheoriginal · 03/02/2018 21:01

It sounds like he isn't what you're looking for - life's too short

Shoxfordian · 03/02/2018 21:02

Sounds stingy to me

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/02/2018 21:02

Walk away.

Lanaorana2 · 03/02/2018 21:04

Stingy - mean to you, lavish on himself.

HerRoyalNotness · 03/02/2018 21:04

"I am cheap"

He'll never change.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 03/02/2018 21:04

He's definitely mean. That hesitation - ugh - it would've spoiled the night for me. He was being all grandiose saying he would pay and then when it came to it he balked.

There are loads of nicer men out there - dump him and look elsewhere.

Dozer · 03/02/2018 21:05

Stingy!

Off putting.

BadHatter · 03/02/2018 21:07

Maybe he’s waiting for you to be generous towards him.

restingbemusedface · 03/02/2018 21:15

Stingy and it will probably get worse. The early days are when you should be doing all kinds of fun things and not worrying about who pays for what. What happens if you move in and have to sort out bills etc??

Rudgie47 · 03/02/2018 21:16

Dump him, it will only get worse.

StellaHeyStella · 03/02/2018 21:17

In my world “I’ll take you to dinner to make it up to yo ....” means "I'm really sorry I've cancelled the date, I'll take you out for a lovely meal next time by way of apology (which I will be paying for)"

He's tight and he's certainly not a keeper.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 03/02/2018 21:19

BadHatter They pay 50:50 even though she's got two children and he has a much higher paid job. I think she's doing her bit.

Bluntness100 · 03/02/2018 21:20

I think if he said he would take you to dinner to make up for it, yes he should have paid, and yes it was well off to hesitate and say it was on you next time. That's just weird.

However, I'm a little disturbed by your comment that dating him is becoming expensive. This would indicate you wish him to pay for you and you don't want to pay your way?

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 03/02/2018 21:21

It is stingy. If he cannot see that going out with him costs you far more than it does cost him, and he insists in going Dutch while you are just dating... it doesn’t look good for the future, and he is not going to change.

Every time I have met a guy who insists in going dutch, I have met a guy who insists he is paying more than you even when he is a cheap stake who would descend on your house for dinner, go through your fridge, complain you can’t do much like going on weekends away or in exotic trips because of your kids. But when you look into the amounts you both are spending, and the proportion of your incomes, you realise that you have got what I now call a high income cocklodger.

Run away, or if you want to keep him as a friend, just meet him for coffees.

MrsGrindah · 03/02/2018 21:22

Why do you need “ to see a little bit of generosity “ ?!

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 03/02/2018 21:23

However, I'm a little disturbed by your comment that dating him is becoming expensive. This would indicate you wish him to pay for you and you don't want to pay your way?

Or it indicates that he has expensive taste and insists in going to places which OP cannot comfirtably afford in a regular basis, which smacks again of selfishness and lack of consideration

KarmaStar · 03/02/2018 21:23

He is stingy.you are not imagining things.trust your instincts.
You're not being a princess,he has gone back on his word to take you out for a meal and his comment when paying the bill indicates to me a churlish annoyance and reluctantly to spend any money on you.
If I were in your position I'd drop him.
Living with someone like this would be no fun.I appreciate we all have to watch what we spend but there is a way of doing it and his isn't the way.
Alarm bells are ringing for me OP.
Don't waste any more time or money on him.
You will meet someone nicer.Flowers

PurpleDaisies · 03/02/2018 21:23

The “I am cheap” comment would really put my off.

I don’t think there’s a problem with paying for what you’ve eaten/drunk etc yourself. It sounds like you want him to pay for you op. Is that right?

MrsGrindah · 03/02/2018 21:23

Also the fact that you have two children. has no relevance on how much he should spend on a date

OliviaStabler · 03/02/2018 21:25

Dump him now. Being tight with money is highly off-putting and a game changer for me

blueskypink · 03/02/2018 21:25

Are you generous to him op - or do you think it should just be one way (ie from him to you)?

BoneyBackJefferson · 03/02/2018 21:28

It sounds to me from the OP that you made that you are paid for more than you pay and he is thinking that you are stingy.

Bluntness100 · 03/02/2018 21:29

Or it indicates that he has expensive taste and insists in going to places which OP cannot comfirtably afford in a regular basis, which smacks again of selfishness and lack of consideration

She's got a gob on her. No ones forcing her to go. How can he insist. She has free will you know. She can say no. Are you under the impression women have to do as they are told?

BookHelpPlease · 03/02/2018 21:30

Yes he is but so are you!

How unromantic to split the bill.

Take turns, just choose somewhere cheaper for your turn or he buys dinner and you the tab in the bar after if there is a huge disparity in pay.

If you're not even comfortable with him in your home then it definitely isn't at the point for him to be spoiling you madly!