Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Is he stingy or is it me?

88 replies

StingyOrMe · 03/02/2018 20:59

I’ve been dating a guy for a while and on every date we have gone Dutch. One time he had to cancel a date (for a valid reason) and said “I’ll take you to dinner to make it up to yo ....” and I assumed this meant he would pay, he did pay the bill after some hesitation but said “it’s on you next time” is it me or is this a bit I work FT and so does he, he has a much higher paying job than I do and also I’m a single parent with 2 DC.
I don’t expect to be princessed and bought flowers and showered with gifts, but would like to see a little bit of generosity.

He has openly said in casual conversation “I am cheap” and someone once said to me that when someone tells you who they are, listen. He buys things for himself though and goes on trips away so he isn’t frugal everywhere...We are still only dating, so is this normal behaviour before you get to defined relationship stage? It’s been a long while since I’ve dated and maybe in a bit out of touch. Dating him is becoming expensive for me, and I’m not ready to invite him to mine yet.
Is he stingy or do I sound like a princess?

OP posts:

Cauliflowersqueeze · 04/02/2018 16:09

Put it this way, he’s on his absolute BEST behaviour at the moment. He will never be more generous.

I couldn’t live with this kind of stinginess. You need to ask yourself if it is needling you now (and it would needle me) how much more unattractive it will be in the future when he’s acting more natural.

expatinscotland · 04/02/2018 16:24

'Ands it's hilarious that "men won't take it anymore" as if they are so fucking hard done by when the pay gap still very much exists.'

Yeah, I laughed at that comment.

Flyingbacon · 04/02/2018 16:51

He's paying at least half and the consensus is that he isn't paying enough. Usual (double) standards of equality.

Lweji · 04/02/2018 17:19

It's not because he's a man, but because he has a higher income.

When looking for a life partner wanting everything 50% and split on that moment is not a good sign.

expatinscotland · 04/02/2018 17:39

'He's paying at least half and the consensus is that he isn't paying enough. Usual (double) standards of equality.'

Erm, nope, he is paying half, not at least. The OP explained that they always go Dutch. No double standards. Then he asked her to go out to dinner with him to make it up to her for cancelling, then paid and told her the next time was on her.

Flyingbacon · 04/02/2018 20:01

Half is at least half, overusing the bold type doesn't make that untrue.

They're dating, not "life partners", not paying the majority of the cost of dating that will probably lead nowhere anyway means he's not a mug, not that he's stingy.

expatinscotland · 04/02/2018 20:13

'Half is at least half, overusing the bold type doesn't make that untrue.

They're dating, not "life partners", not paying the majority of the cost of dating that will probably lead nowhere anyway means he's not a mug, not that he's stingy.'

Eh? Why not just say half then, rather than at least half? He told her, 'I am cheap'. That means he's stingy. That was his own admission. He invited her out to make it up to her, then dictated to her that next time was on her. If she wants to date someone stingy, he's it, by his own admission.

Flyingbacon · 04/02/2018 20:26

OP's side of the story from a single short post is he pays half, that's not exactly conclusive proof that every expense is split in exactly half, so it's possible he covers other costs, but "at least half" covers that possibility and that he meets the required minimum to be fair.

And as for "I am cheap" - lots of people say that, and OP hasn't said that he's said it more than once, or what tone it was said in. While he could be cheap, but he's been paying at least his share and isn't the one bitching on social media about his feeling of entitlement to someone else's money.

expatinscotland · 04/02/2018 20:33

'but he's been paying at least his share and isn't the one bitching on social media about his feeling of entitlement to someone else's money.'

She's not bitching, she's asking a question . The OP feels no entitlement to his money, he said to her, said “I’ll take you to dinner to make it up to yo ....” then told her next time, she would be paying for dinner for them both. He told her he is cheap.

She is not compatible with such a person. Not surprising.

Flyingbacon · 04/02/2018 20:44

First the bold font and patronising tone, now the eyebrow face. Rolling out the big guns here.

Explaining what common words with easily retrievable dictionary definitions mean on forums is tedious, so I'm done with this.

expatinscotland · 04/02/2018 20:45

'Explaining what common words with easily retrievable dictionary definitions mean on forums is tedious, so I'm done with this.'

Bye, then! Don't let the door hit you on the way out .

OutyMcOutface · 04/02/2018 20:46

Definitely stingy. The kind of man who will save money by not paying for children to go to private school or bullying wife each time she asks for some cash to buy them new clothes but then spends loads on himself because he 'earned it'. I all away OP.

Cauliflowersqueeze · 05/02/2018 06:23

It’s not particularly the going Dutch each time, despite his big salary, it’s the constant totting up and pausing wondering about who will pay and the declaration that he is stingy. That kind of focus. Unattractive and annoying.

Flip

1 2 3 4