Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Im an idiot sti im in trouble

112 replies

Rose84 · 01/02/2018 20:38

Ok I will be flamed I know, been in an abusive controlling marriage for 15 ,years. Cheated , as I was sick of lack of intamacy and sex, and just affection. Guy I saw swore he was clean, still txt me every day. I went to.sex clinic just to be sure, gonnarhea 🙈🙈🙈 what the hell do I do now 😑

OP posts:
BastardGoDarkly · 02/02/2018 01:38

You sound pissed to me op.

Take your coat off, and calm down, have a coffee.

You can face this tomorrow,.

Your marriage is over, you need to plan and exit, then tell your husband so he can be tested.

It is a mess, but nothing that can't be sorted out.

Calm down Brew

serialcheat · 02/02/2018 08:46

Always a good idea to be well away from the blast site when a nuclear device goes off......

notacooldad · 02/02/2018 09:41

*@Paranoid

That's pure and unhelpful conjecture, we KNOW op was cheating
Doesn't mean to say the DH wasn't!
I'm not saying one way or anotheR. THE only fact we appear to have is about the OP.

LexieLulu · 02/02/2018 09:50

Could it have came from your DH?

wintermonster · 02/02/2018 10:10

My thoughts too @LexieLulu

Cynara · 02/02/2018 10:22

Medicating somebody without their knowledge is assault. Do not hide antibiotics in his food, that is dreadful advice and will only make this worse.

Original poster
Rose84 · 02/02/2018 10:55

The OM said he is shocked and has hadno symptoms, he is getting an appointment asap. Last check I had was 6 years ago so possibly could be dh. For those of u who say I said he was a good husband, yes in the respect of providing for us, but he is very controlling and unaffectionate. I know im not worth anything for what ive done, ive only had sex with.DH once whick was a on 22nd it was unsucessful he couldnt keep it up

OP posts:
Onecutefox · 02/02/2018 11:00

He could also have an allergy to some antibiotics.

hollowtree · 02/02/2018 11:00

mish that is so so awful, I can't believe someone could do that to you. I'm so sorry xx

HeebieJeebies456 · 02/02/2018 11:04

If you can find the time and energy to have an affair/cheat then you can use that time and energy to leave an abusive person.

hollowtree · 02/02/2018 11:10

heebie I don't think it's the 'time' that's a factor in leaving an abusive relationship.

I would assume that an affair is more of an escapism and seemingly at the time a less frightening means of fixing a bigger problem.

I'm not sure if that's what's happening here but I would imagine that that's the case with genuinely abusive relationships

dirtybadger · 02/02/2018 11:12

"I had sex.with this man on 5 jan, had sex with hubbs 2 times since"

"Ive only had sex with.DH once whick was a on 22nd it was unsucessful he couldnt keep it up"

In either case there has been sex, so your husband may have the STI.

You aren't worthless because of what you've done.

But do yourself a favour and leave your DH. You HAVE to tell him that he may have an STI, and if you have any reasonable expectation that he will become aggressive or violent, or escalate his behaviour because of this, then it is a necessary precaution that you leave. Even if this wasn't a risk, it would be sensible to prepare yourself to leave and there is a decent likelihood that he will ask you to leave in light of the affair.

Cynara · 02/02/2018 11:14

You're changing the story a bit now - from having sex with your husband twice since OM to just the once, but it's ok, that didn't count because he couldn't keep it up.
It doesn't really matter, no one is going to be able to reassure you that you haven't infected him. The only way of knowing is for him to be tested. You have to tell him. Minimising what happened won't change the facts. I know it's hard, but you can't ignore it and hope it goes away. You have to deal with it.

Original poster
Rose84 · 02/02/2018 11:16

Hollowtree exactly that,

OP posts:
Original poster
Rose84 · 02/02/2018 11:17

Yes I know that, I feel physically sick , trying to work out how and when to tell him

OP posts:
Aridane · 02/02/2018 11:23

i) get treated

ii) don't panic (easy to say)

iii) don't tell husband while you're still with him and you are at risk of abuse

iv) husband may have given it to you / may also have been unfaithful

I wonder if there is any way to get husband tested without it being obvious why - eg to say you have recurrent thrush and would be a good idea if you both get screened

Original poster
Rose84 · 02/02/2018 11:31

Takes two.weeks from test to reslults

OP posts:
HappyLollipop · 02/02/2018 11:32

I swear to god some adults are worse than teenagers. So instead of making him get a sti check before going ahead with unprotected sex with your boyfriend you just took his word for it and now you've got an STI and top it off you were sleeping with your husband aswell but don't want to take any responsibility for your selfish and dangerous actions by telling him? You need to tell your husband and this other guy to get treatment, you don't need to tell your H face to face a call would be fine if he could possibly get violent so make plans to leave and when your somewhere safe let him know and you might want to start looking for divorce Sollictors too while your at it. At least you learnt a valuable lesson i doubt you'd be making the same mistake again.

WitchesHatRim · 02/02/2018 11:33

ive only had sex with.DH once whick was a on 22nd it was unsucessful he couldnt keep it up

Changing your story now I see.

WitchesHatRim · 02/02/2018 11:34

I wonder if there is any way to get husband tested without it being obvious why - eg to say you have recurrent thrush and would be a good idea if you both get screened

How about OP take responsibility for her actions. She has had unprotected sex with 2 men.

GinIsIn · 02/02/2018 11:42

Also just to point out the obvious - despite “never having sex with your husband”, you’ve had sex with him several times this month, so if you don’t tell him it will only end up getting yourself reinfected.

Fabellini · 02/02/2018 11:44

Get treatment for yourself sorted, don’t have sex with your husband until you’ve heard from other man what his test results are...if his are clear then you’ve caught it from your husband and that requires a conversation. If your other man has passed it to you, then again, you require a different, but equally unpleasant conversation with your husband.
With the greatest respect, I would suggest that either conversation is going to contain the words “it’s over”.

DriggleDraggle · 02/02/2018 11:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Rose84 · 02/02/2018 11:49

I dont call once several times? I thought it was twice but went through the calender and worked out it was once,.sorry im just neither here nor there. At.the moment

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 02/02/2018 11:53

I'm sorry but it's hard to know what's true here.

Sex twice...then just once.

Husband is good..then he's abusive. I think you are the problem here.

You're attempting to justify your actions by labelling him as abusive.

He has a low drive due to medication...he doesn't deserve this. Then the sex is crap.

With his low libido and inability to perform..do you really think he cheated...don't be derailed by pp saying this.

If a man posted...nobody would suggest his wife on medication and a low drive cheated.

He would be insulted and flammed to high heaven.

Swipe left for the next trending thread