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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Im an idiot sti im in trouble

112 replies

Rose84 · 01/02/2018 20:38

Ok I will be flamed I know, been in an abusive controlling marriage for 15 ,years. Cheated , as I was sick of lack of intamacy and sex, and just affection. Guy I saw swore he was clean, still txt me every day. I went to.sex clinic just to be sure, gonnarhea 🙈🙈🙈 what the hell do I do now 😑

OP posts:
WitchesHatRim · 01/02/2018 21:43

Im not stupid on.sti stuff thanks

Then why have you repeatedly had unprotected sex with at least 2 men?

DotCottonDotcom · 01/02/2018 21:43

Im not stupid on.sti stuff thanks

I dunno, we had to explain a lot about this on the first page

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 01/02/2018 21:44

Are there really still people who have unprotected sex just because the other one swears they are clean?

WitchesHatRim · 01/02/2018 21:44

In your previous thread he is a lovely husband with no sex drive due to ill health and medication, now you cheat on him he is abusive.

Yep. Seems strange.

Gazelda · 01/02/2018 21:45

OP, take this as the trigger you need to separate from your husband.
Get out ASAP. Get treatment for the STI. Get your lover to seek treatment urgently.

Rose84 · 01/02/2018 21:57

I feel terrible if I have passed it to him though, god my lifes a.mess, im sorry to you all, dont.deserve your time

OP posts:
Blackteadrinker77 · 01/02/2018 22:04

So sort it. Stop the pity me rubbish.

You are not happy in your marriage and you are spiralling. Drinking, unprotected sex with people who don't matter.

Stop! Just stop and realise your life needs to change.

You can be happy but not without making major changes. I hope you find the strength op.

DriggleDraggle · 01/02/2018 22:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sirlee66 · 01/02/2018 22:14

This whole thread reminds me of that meme: ya'll need Jesus.

Rose84 · 01/02/2018 22:14

He will go mad 😑

OP posts:
Rose84 · 01/02/2018 22:16

Im sat here in my coat ready to just leave , but I have work tommorow

OP posts:
WitchesHatRim · 01/02/2018 22:17

Well he probably won't be happy that his wife has had unprotected sex with someone else and then given him an STI. No.

However you have done it and you now have to take responsibility for it.

DontDIY · 01/02/2018 22:25

Do you love your husband, OP?

Gazelda · 01/02/2018 22:27

Where can you go to stay tonight?

wintermonster · 01/02/2018 22:52

Be strong and try not to be scared of his reaction.

Do what makes it easier on yourself in this moment.

If that means going without mentioning the sex at this precise moment then do that.

If this is the kick up the bum to leave an unhappy marriage (whether abusive or not), then it's worthwhile and do it now not later.

The relief will feel so much better

hollowtree · 01/02/2018 23:04

Hi OP. Sorry you're having a shitty time. Things are actually worse when they are self inflicted (like hangovers) because you have a huge heap of guilt as well as having to deal with them.

For what it's worth, I was really drawn in by a lovely ex partners "I'm clean" lies! He was a long term friend and we went to college together. He was the only partner I didn't march to the clinic with me! But of course, sods law, he was the only one with a bloody sti!!

No intimacy in a relationship makes you feel crap and undervalued. Seeking it elsewhere, whilst morally wrong, is human. You made a mistake. It had consequences. Here you are.

You mentioned it may be from your husband, in which case I would wait for this guy's results. Make sure he's not faking them. Then, after treatment, I'm afraid it's time to tell your husband the truth.

If you are scared of his reaction, tell him somewhere public where you are out of earshot but he can not hurt you.

Lastly, I have also looked to suicide as a way out. I know you're feeling desperate and scared but you will be ok when you get to the other side of this.

The nights can be worse because you are tired and hormone levels are naturally higher. If you need them, call the Samaritans. They are amazing and will listen to you without judgement.

You're going to be ok.

Honestpotato · 01/02/2018 23:16

After seeing a pp comment I looked for your old thread and you described him as great with regards to everything else apart from the 'shit sex'.

Now he's abusive.

Make your mind up, it looks awfully like you trying to justify hooking up and going bareback with some other guy.

If a man posted that he had looked elsewhere and caught an STI as he was receiving no sex or crap sex at home he would be flamed on here, it's offensive to those of us who have found the strength to leave an abusive relationship to see someone throw it out there just to justify actions!

serialcheat · 01/02/2018 23:25

Gonny is one of the easiest STD's to catch but is becoming one of the hardest to treat, because it's fast becoming resistant to anti - biotics.

Let's hope you haven't got the super strain going around. Your husband may be an abusive are some, and it's the last thing you want to hear, but you have been ' abusive ' to him. Cheated and possibly given him a life changing STD.

Everyone makes mistakes, but yours are expensive ones.....

Take off for a few days and inform him by text, then get out of the abusive relationship and rubber up next time you have sex with guys whose sexual health history you can't validate.

gta · 01/02/2018 23:30

Hide the antibiotics in his food for him

mishfish · 01/02/2018 23:34

OP he needs to know as if he doesn’t get treated it’ll go back andforth.

Make sure your safe first but it’s important he knows.

I was with someone who passed me herpes whilst I was immune compromised from chemotherapy and didn’t say a word to anyone and let the doctors try to figure out what was wrong. It was fucking vile of him and I’d have fathered I got a text admitting it and never heard from him again

hollowtree · 01/02/2018 23:38

Oh mish That's awful I'm so sorry Flowers

WitchesHatRim · 01/02/2018 23:50

Hide the antibiotics in his food for him

Dangerous and bloody stupid advice.

mishfish · 02/02/2018 00:01

@hollow it was rancid- no immune system, weeping ulcers all over my genitals to the point I had to lay in bed on an incontenance pad because of all the puss, ulcers scabbing onto my knickers meaning I had to pull them down and break the skin again before i realised the issue, nausea, fever, not a single neutrophil to fight it. Then had to deal with the side effects of chemotherapy on top of it. Absolute coward even had the audacity to suggest I passed it to him when I had only ever has sexual contact with one other person. He wasn’t remotely remorseful and actually passed it onto at least two more women after me and played the shocked ‘you must have given it to me’ card when they confronted him. Devil dick.

paranoidpammywhammy2 · 02/02/2018 00:02

He may have been cheating and past it on to you.

serialcheat · 02/02/2018 01:27

@Paranoid

That's pure and unhelpful conjecture, we KNOW op was cheating......

Shit sex or not, abusive or not, the husband is the innocent party in this mess.

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