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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I want him but I’ve messed it up!

26 replies

Lexi123 · 27/01/2018 20:55

Hi, I’m so confused and would appreciate some advice. I separated from my husband 2 years ago but we are still in contact because we have children. After we parted he discovered his social life again and I met a lovely man who was the opposite of my husband. Our feelings developed really quickly, just seemed to have a connection and he made me really happy. My ex made a few digs about how my boyfriend looked ( he isn’t classically handsome) but my husband is. I didn’t rise to any of this as looks really aren’t important to me if I feel deeper for the person. The problem is I started to feel guilty about spending time with my boyfriend and tortured myself about it as it was my decision to leave my marriage. I started thinking that I was out of order on the kids,although they get on with my boyfriend very well. My husband is well known in our hometown and I suspect he told people I left him for bf although that is not true. I started to make excuses not to be seen with him in public for fear of what other people thought. My bf is a lovely man who thinks the world of me, I’m also prone to feeling anxious yet when I’m with him I feel calm. ( my husband always got annoyed when I felt anxious) Unfortunately, I told him it was over and he is heartbroken and I’m really unhappy. I want to be with him but feel people are judging me. I’m 42 years old and so bloody angry that I care what people think at the risk of my own happiness. My kids are my priority but I do feel like I deserve happiness too. I know if I get back with my bf it will just cause grief with my husband as deep down I think he is hoping for another chance but I can’t go back. Please tell me straight - what would you do?

OP posts:
HarmlessChap · 07/02/2018 13:43

Tell him you've done your thinking and its clear that he makes you happy and that you would like him back in your life.

However, if the roles were reversed and your ex bf were the one on here asking if he should get back with you I suspect he would be told to run!

It's clear that you are giving your stb-ExH far too much head space and allowing him to control you. Even though you are no longer together. You need to sort that out if you have any hope of a relationship with either this ex BF or anyone else.

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