Fell in love, got married, had a baby...
...and now it's all shit. Awful pregnancy sickness and a blood clot that nearly killed me, weeks in hospital. Awful birth related to the former, suspect I have PTSD. I love the baby, but she doesn't sleep. Have slept no more than 2.5 hours at a time in the last year and a half. Constant exhaustion, forgetfulness and making mistakes.
Our relationship is awful. No sex of any kind since I started to show pregnant. He just went off me. Which I found pretty distressing at first, then I was too ill to care. I broached the subject around 6 months after the baby was born, he assured me he wanted to have sex but [insert list of increasingly weak excuses]. If I'm entirely honest I don't particularly want sex with him either, but I felt I should try to salvage the relationship (and maybe things would get better).
From the start he seems to have regarded himself as my manager when it comes to the baby (telling me when to feed her, telling me I should be taking her out to get social interaction, telling me not to let her sleep in the morning, telling me everything I do is creating 'bad habits', telling me I shouldn't sleep with her, etc).
Other new mums talk about the inner voice of self criticism, mine is not inner, it's my DH.
He works from home, and he's moved out of his office into the main living area (he expects me to keep the baby quiet while he makes work related phone calls..) so he can tell me I'm wrong all day. Weekends he always has 'chores' to do which he makes sure takes the whole weekend (i.e. deciding to cook a Sunday roast which then somehow takes the whole day) so I never get a break. He moans he never gets a break either because of the drawn out chores, and that he's more tired than me because when I went to sleep early (reality : holding a screaming baby) he stayed up having a drink and watching a movie (my heart bleeds).
Today we've had a huge row because for several days now he's been making digs at me over how sorry he feels for our daughter because she must be so bored because I don't play with her enough.
I try to take her out the house for a walk each day, I read to her every day, I get out different toys. I swim with her once a week, we both take her to a baby class (his idea - I've taken her alone sometimes, he refuses to go alone). I feed her, I talk to her, I snuggle and bounce her, I sing her nursery rhymes and play peek-a-boo. I also let her explore on her own with me just keeping an eye, and during this time will have a cup of tea and look things up online (often 'why is my baby doing that' or recipes suitable for babies etc). Which is when he heckles me for being a shit parent.
I got angry and told him to stop bitching at me, he said I was starting a fight. I pointed out that I'd feel a lot more relaxed about playing with her if he wasn't there in the room telling me I'm doing it wrong the whole time. It turned into a slanging match. I told him if I was so shit he should probably take over looking after our daughter this evening (which he is). I just can't take it anymore.
I don't know how everything has got so awful and I have no idea how to try to turn things around. During the argument he actually said to me "you just want a happy carefree life", and I thought "yes! I do. Doesn't everyone?" Why doesn't he want us to be happy?