Brave Babes Battle Bus: Next Stop Fabulous February

[SweetLathyrus]

Hi, I'm SweetLathyrus, Sweet for short, and I've been on and off Gerald the Brave Babes Battle Bus since 2014. Over the years, lots of us have maintained the thread, most of all the lovely Mouse, who has been here since the early days, and still scurries onboard when she can.

The bus is a place of support, safety and occasional silliness for those of us struggling with our relationship with alcohol. Some of us are sober, some are trying to be, some are moderating and aren't ready to give up alcohol just yet.

So whatever your reason for questioning the whys and WTFs of your drinking, hop on board, make yourselves comfortable and join in. Driers and Triers, all welcome.

2018 has been a busy year so far, lots of new travellers as well as old faces; if you want to read back on the journey through Dry or Dryer January so far, here's the link to the last thread

And in case you want to know how it all started, here is the link to JWN's original, inspiring thread.

Join us on our journey, you won't regret it.

you aren't hogging the thread. That's why its here and SO impressed you aren't drinking. The niece sounds just what you need so crack on with the trip. It will do you good and give you time with DD which you need.
I told my boss what was going on here and he has been lovely, even offering me a room if I needed a bolt hole. The more people know, the more support you will get.
We are all off on a snow day which means a day stuck at home with dick head. Horrible feeling he won't get to work tonight too, which is depressing.

I am stuck in too but it's not so bad. At least I am not walking round treading on eggshells. When WB is here he works upstairs and I work downstairs and sometimes I can hear him shouting and swearing at his computer like a madman. And every time the neighbour next door does some DIY involving drilling (surprisingly often) we get ranting and swearing about that. And when the phone rings (his phone) he often shouts 'fuck off and leave me alone' at it before answering it. Because his life is SO STRESSFUL doing a pretend job that brings in no income, secure in the knowledge that I pay for the home, the bills, the kids. So none of that to contend with.

I am going to order new suitcases for my holiday at the weekend. That will cheer me up a bit and reinforce my determination to go...

Thank you all for being here.

Hope, enjoy your break with DD and hats off to you for not succumbing to drinking!

Ma- ugh my heart used to sink when my ex wasn’t in work and at home. Your boss sounds like a great support.

I’m sat in bed watching the snow. Going out soon to grit the driveway so I can hopefully get to work tomorrow. My road resembles an ice rink.

Week 2 plans are clear out kitchen cupboards loads of old spices etc which need a purge then it’s freezer surprise for tea all this week.

Hope everyone else is ok and stays safe if they are having to travel in this weather.

Dog No. 3 enjoying his new bed.

all ok in the snow?

I braved Sainsbury's and the shelves have been cleared and the queues at the checkouts were miles long
It was mad !!
How is everyone else coping ?

snow has gone off. Bored with being stuck at home now

Hope everyone’s ok.
Very snowy here in the east, we’ve got about 6 inches of snow so far and it’s still snowing and drifting, only tractors getting down our lane. Lots of roads and all schools shut, even the vets have cancelled evening surgery. It was lovely walking the dog in it this morning.

Have spent the day avoiding ‘d’h by clearing out wardrobes and drawers upstairs, and doing some crochet, while he worked from home this morning. I hate him being at home.

Anyway, today I am not drinking.

Slings That much snow is my idea of hell! What's left of ours (there's not much) has frozen. My path is really bad. Clearly, I should have joined the rest of my neighbours shovelling it off yesterday. The next band of snow is meant to miss us. Hooray! It's bitterly cold though.

Hope I second what Ma says. DO NOT cancel the trip. It sounds like manipulation to me. How old is DS? I'm glad your niece is supportive.

Jayne Our 'freezer surprise' day is usually Monday. I'm trying to be more proactive making my own casseroles etc to freeze but it's not been that successful yet.

On my way home from work. I'm a bit anxious. Not as bad as last week and definately better than I would be had I been drinking. I'm sure it's that shop. The atmosphere's awful lately.

dh not going into work tonight so there goes one of my evenings to myself. I feel your pain slings
I hope I can get in tomorrow, am bored rigid. Having a beer

Flowers there's nothing like a relaxed dog!

Hope, he's playing games. It must be horrible for you, but going on as planned with DD would be the best revenge.

Ma I love my DH, but I get mardy if he get's up at the same time as me at the weekend, it doesn't happen often, but I need my hour alone, so missing out on your quiet evening is tough.

Stay warm everyone, I do a new thread when we're on page 40.

No snow here yet

Hi all. It's cold out there.... we've just had another flurry of snow but it's not as bad here as some of the other areas. I believe there's a red weather warning in Scotland.
Sounds as though there's a few challenges on the bus tonight. Hope those babes who want to get to work tomorrow manage to get there.
Baking glad you're feeling better than last week but sorry the atmosphere's not good at the shop.
Flowers that bed looks comfy
Hope keep talking we're here to listen. Definitely go on your trip. Don't let WB spoil it.
Hi to everyone else especially those who want their 'D' H to bugger off. It's so hard to live like that. I've definitely been there.

Right I've got to make tea now so will see you later.

X-posted Sweet hope all ok with you?

mint how are thing with you? Hows the weather?

Hi - can I join? Am day 22 today. I stopped when I was admitted to hospital with asthma and flu as I was completely physically run into the ground. I had to stop smoking too - it wasn't ideal to do the two together, but I spent 4 days in hospital quite unwell, and came home with nebulizers, steroids and antibiotics,so to light up a cigarette would have been disasterous.

I'm going to AA which helps, and it's been a bit of a rollercoaster ride, but am starting to feel physically and mentally better. The edge is rubbing off the cravings, am back at work, and have been doing some swimming and a gentle horseride.

Today was - meh. I realised I was tired so I went for a nap after work. Then this evening I couldn't sleep. The steroids don't help. I'm on a 5mg/5 day reduction schedule so sleep can be hit and miss. Plus no alcohol 🤔

So I thought I'd get out my self hypnosis stop drinking app up and listen to that. No headphones - they are in the kitchen. No worries - I'll just place it behind my head and listen to it quietly. There's only myself in my bedroom (and the dog).

I was very relaxed and did fall asleep for a while but am now wide awake.

But I think I've hypnotised the dog. 🤔

She's suspiciously deeply asleep beside me. At least we are both sober....

You're very welcome to join us Apocolyptic. 22 days is fab. I stopped smoking/vaping a bit after stopping drinking this time and so far it's working well. It's my most successful attempt anyway.

Ma and Mint are you ok? Hoping you're not in the red zone. It looks bad. My friends cousin sent a whatsapp video last night from the red zone and I doubt they'll get out of their house today.

Sequins The atmosphere is definately bad but I've been invited to a flat party on Saturday by 2 colleagues and oddly I'd really like to go. It's a select group from store and some of their friends. I'm just bothered because they all smoke and drink and my will power's crap. I can't just stay in forever though. If I drove it'd solve the drinking issue but I'm bothered about ice.

I'm not impressed it's windy and snowing outside. We weren't predicted anymore. The wind has blown my rather classy pieces of cardboard off the car windscreen so I'll have to de-ice/snow it myself. DS is dressing as Paddington for World book day today. He seems quite up for it now all the cbeebies presenters are doing it too.

Morning all - well I had an unexpected stepping into the sidecar last night. The boy wanted to go to the local after work so we gingerly picked through the snow.

After getting up at 6 yesterday I started work and then ended up doing 11 1/2 hours non-stop - eek. So much for people doing nothing when WFH! It's never that way for me.

Slept like an absolute log last night as was so exhausted from the last few days. Good news is my daddy seems to be fine at the mo, so now we wait for his scheduled appointment at the cardiologist during March.

Plan for today - get through day 32 without drinking. Finish up in London and then drive down with my boy to the coast - hopefully the roads will be okay, it's horrible out there.

Have a good day all. xxx

welcome apocalyptic
right in the red zone here and weather pretty bad. Boss has declared another snow day. Had thunder last night.
got up this morning to find a white cat sitting patiently on the door step. It was our black and white General Jones, who is too thick hard to find shelter.

Morning All,

I'm in work although most of what I should have been doing has been cancelled, and the University can't decide whether to close or not, so I'm hoping to get away by 1pm before the worst of it hits.

Welcome, Apocolyptic well done on 22 days.

Ma the General is definitely made of stern stuff, SweetCat got up, had breakfast and went straight back to bed!

*Twattage, good to hear your Dad is better.

Sequins I'm ok, didn't get the expected bollocking after all, and was nominated for an award by students. So quite good actually!

This is why he is a General. he is well hard!

Hi, I hope I’m not intruding but I could do with some guidance please. If I’m in the wrong place then it would be great if you could point me to the right one.

My DH admitted to me last night that he had a drinking problem, which he has kept secret from me for the last couple of years. I had an inkling but never confronted it. His drinking starts in the evenings and is around 2/3rds bottle of wine and a couple of glasses of whisky, at least that’s the amount he admits to so while I’d like to believe him, I’m prepared for it not to be 100% accurate. He does not drink during the day that I know of - we both share an office at home - and does not over do it when we’re out, however he has said that he’s been to collect our son from work in the evening (he works in a restaurant/finishes late and has now passed his test so fortunately no longer an issue), which pissed me off more than anything.

He has asked for my help in bringing it under control, my question is what is a good way to do this - hide everything, mark the bottles, question him every time he has a drink, stop straight away or gradually? I’d really appreciate your thoughts, I barely drink myself and just don’t know where to start. Thank you.

Welcome Apocolyptic well done on your prgress so far, just join right in with us.
Aftersomeadviceplease welcome, your husband facing his issue is a huge deal, really - it's a massive thing to face up to so please try not to be angry with him (not saying you are) he may not be accurate in what he says he drinks, this is not really a problem in itself, it is hard to track tbh. I'm not surprised he doesn't drink during the day or too much out, problem drinking doesn't always fit preconceived ideas.
Your help, well, I'm going to say firstly that while you can support him, he will really have to want to stop so no, don't infantalise him by hiding bottles or even raising an eyebrow when he does drink. I have found for me that distraction, plenty of hydration and decent food helps a lot so encourage him to search for adult soft drinks - there are some fantastic cordials around or even alcohol free lager to start if that hits his spot. If possible perhaps some booze free days/nights out (cinema?)

The others will come along with more tips, but I'll have a good think. If he is determined then being his cheerleader will help way more than being disappointed in him if he slips.

Hi after - in my experience no-one who is a problem drinker every accurately states what they are drinking - partly because we often can't remember and partly because we are ashamed.

He has taken the first step to moving forward but you can't force him to do anything, this is very much a case of taking a horse to water etc. You cannot solve his issue but you can support him.

Agree with the points above - please be prepared that just because he admitted it, things may not change. That will probably have taken quite a lot out of him just to get to that point. You'll have to bear with him and see how it goes.

In the meantime, at least as you don't drink much at least that won't set him off. I realise it is hard to understand the mindset if you don't have it. x

Aftersomeadviceplease I just remembered that when I stopped drinking wine (rivers of the stuff) my closest ones made it clear how much better I looked and how much calmer I became - it may be worth you mentioning things like 'you're great company this evening' or, oh, I don't know - his conversation was interesting, eyes look brighter, seems more patient - whatever, I mean being positive I supposed without making a hoo-ha about the drink if you see what I mean.

You say he drinks wine, you know I am convinced there is something about wine in particular that gets us hooked, it's so easy to drink for a start and tastes so good. I stopped wine altogether (I did have a champagne binge one night in November I will admit) and I am able to enjoy a G & T now and again (will admit it's been creeping up) in the way I could never drink wine - with wine it was all or nothing.

WIne can be a habit rather than an addiction I feel and a habit that an run away with us, it is possible to break that habit (I was close to 100 shocking units a week for years) I never classed myelf as an alcoholic but anyway I feel labels aren't always helpful. Alcoholic, binge drinker, problem drinker, heavy drinker - I'm never sure where the lines are drawn but I do know if someone recognises they may have a problem and wants to tackle it then the battle is at least underway if not half won. Don't allow him to make it your problem to solve, there is a difference between supporting someone and taking responsibility (we had a row, you made me drink)

There I go on a ramble as I sometimes do, hope I make some sense though!

Oh shocking typos - sorry!