Brave Babes Battle Bus: Next Stop Fabulous February

[SweetLathyrus]

Hi, I'm SweetLathyrus, Sweet for short, and I've been on and off Gerald the Brave Babes Battle Bus since 2014. Over the years, lots of us have maintained the thread, most of all the lovely Mouse, who has been here since the early days, and still scurries onboard when she can.

The bus is a place of support, safety and occasional silliness for those of us struggling with our relationship with alcohol. Some of us are sober, some are trying to be, some are moderating and aren't ready to give up alcohol just yet.

So whatever your reason for questioning the whys and WTFs of your drinking, hop on board, make yourselves comfortable and join in. Driers and Triers, all welcome.

2018 has been a busy year so far, lots of new travellers as well as old faces; if you want to read back on the journey through Dry or Dryer January so far, here's the link to the last thread

And in case you want to know how it all started, here is the link to JWN's original, inspiring thread.

Join us on our journey, you won't regret it.

Thanks Baking.

Hi Ginger - I am sure there are lots of us in the same boat,

Morning All.

Another long day and early night for me.

Hope, I so sorry WB is managing to manipulate your daughter. He is such a textbook emotional abuser (not that that will make him any easier to deal with), making you feel responsible for his fuck ups and awfulness. I hope you managed to get so rest. How is DS doing?

Ma don't spare the horses!

Buttonz welcome - or rather, welcome back. How do you feel this morning? Take it one day at a time, they soon add up, but most of us have had to come to the conclusion that we can't be trusted around alcohol.

Jayne, the best thing about sober Friday is hangover free Saturday. When we drink to wind down from work at the end of the week, we steal the weekend from ourselves.

LookingforHope
Does WB stand for wanker bastard? It does in my head and it seems to fit his description. How are you today?

SweetLathyrus
That Friday night feeling, I miss it. The end of a long week and a lovely glass of wine to kick start it off. Im so exhausted that if I did have a glass it would knock me out, I'm on call this weekend so that's half the battle with the wine witch taken away. I can't lose my job.

Things have got worse here. We have now reached rock bottom. There is no more money in a nutshell. I'm wiped out. But as he put it, he's not applying for scabby jobs ( he started applying for a local immediate start, pay weekly job but then decided we'd be better off homeless I guess) .

I have no idea what to do anymore.
What I REALLY want to do is drown myself in a vat of Pinot but that won't solve a thing. It's 9.15am and I'm craving a drink, that shows how much we rely on it as a crutch.

Day 57: I WILL NOT DRINK TODAY.

Mint, I'm so sorry, I had an ex-partner who felt homelessness was preferable to some most jobs. I never got the thinking, I've taken and been prepared to take anything to keep going, retail, bar work, cleaning, shifts, night work. {{{big t'nterbosies}}}.

WB is usually 'wank badger', but 'wanker bastard' seems equally appropriate.

Sainsburys has a special half price offer on Gu desserts, so I have my Friday night wine substitute.

Those of you doing your first week, Fridays can be tough, so plan to succeed. We often think of wine as an end of the week treat (or end of the hour in my case ), so find your alternative.

So many people struggling

Hope you all arrive soon. Sister in law has been phoning my house and hanging up. Think I saw WB car on our street. I am dreading having to go to London on Monday but if I cancel I do not know if I can cope being in the house alone with them on the prowl. Feel pathetic and dying to drink but can't as need to drive, work, be a parent etc. Wiah we could just talk about things normally but know all contact will end in a shouting outburst and insults. What have I got myself into?

Ma, it must be really difficult, but you will do it again.

Hope that is really creepy and downright intimidation. Is there anyone who can come and stay with you?

I don't want to ask anyone. At home with my kids now and working on the laptop. Going to cinema with lovely niece and SIL's ex-DH's lovely second wife (we are such a functional family, haha - split into factions, WB and SIL and everyone else, ever)

Trying desperately to focus on reports and timesheets and briefing documents. Hopefully kids will be OK in house alone for 2 hours this evening.

What is the verdict on London Sweet, Ma - to go and show I am keeping up business as usual, or to stay home and make sure kids are OK and he doesn't come into the house while we are all out all day and ransack it? Obvs the phone calls and stalking are to see when we are out... why?

Thanks Sweet - I'm feeling down today...

Have bipolar so think I need my meds adjusted.

That is a really tough call, Hope, Do you think he would do damage? I'd certainly make sure any important documents, jewellery etc was moved.

If it was me, I'd need to show it was business as usual (as tempting as curling into a snivelling ball in the corner might be). But I would be nervous about leaving, he's already demonstrated he has no care for DS, would DS be able to keep himself safe?

Xpost, Buttonz. Have you been able to talk to DH about what happened, or are you ruminating and catastrophising about what he is going to say?

Hope what a terrible situation he is placing you in.
If I was you then I am sure that my house keys would " fall " out of my handbag as some point over the weekend , probably in a dark cinema.
I would of course have to change the locks to my house as I would be worried about the safety of myself and particularly the DC s as they could be home alone at some point.
I would of course be obliged to inform the WB of the terrible dilemma but I would do it late on Sunday night and arrange a mutually convenient time for him to pick up a set of keys.
I feel so on your behalf .

Sweet - yes, ruminating and catastrophising

Oh, Buttonz, it's a horrible place to be in, going round in circles. Have you done any CBT? Can you interrupt those thoughts?

buttonz have you worked out a plan for tonight ?

Hey Ma, Sweet, White, Mint thanks for the support.

I do not know if he would damage the house

I do not know whether he is playing games or serious

I do not know what he is planning re: divorce or what lies he is telling about me and the kids

The fucker has not been in touch and I don't want to be the one to reach out and get shouted at. I know nothing and it is doing my head in. Got a lift to cinema tonight so have knocked off work and had a glass on wine which is a bad move, but... about to get kids' tea ready now before I leave and can catch up on work tomorrow

Mint just wanted to say I admire you so much and feel your pain - WB was a shit provider too and once we were at a party and his oldest friend met me for the first time and said 'so what is it like to be married to someone who puts his principles before earning a living?' And this man was another socialist. Never forgot that.

Off to heat up pizza like the Nigella that I am ...

Hope, try to have a good evening, you deserve it.

hope personally I wouldn't go to London. you will be worried sick abut what he is doing and about the kids. Get the locks changed - I don't care if it's illegal and you can cite plenty of examples of his aggression and violence to justify it. Use the time to get legal advice and support from friends. let people know that you are afraid and un safe. agree to move out any valuables and things you want to keep so he can't take them or damage them.

Hi Sweet and White - no, no plan.

I am drinking... again.

I've had CBT and found it helpful in the past, but it isn't stopping me drinking. Only I can do that, except for the fact that I can't.

Buttonz, I was thinking more about the catastrophising. I don't usually say "You should" to babes, but you really need to pour away what you are drinking and make a tea or a hot chocolate. Carrying on will not improve your situation. Come on, we're here, talk to us and we'll keep you occupied.

Hope, what Ma says, get your locks changed, look out for yourself and DC.

There is a lot wrong with my life, but no one else is responsible for my drinking.

My husband does not want a physical relationship with me and never hugs or kisses me. I've asked him for more affection but he just says he "will try".

He spends all evening in another room, playing on his PlayStation. I've asked him to sit with me of an evening, but he says he doesn't want to because he doesn't like the sofa!

He is concerned about my drinking, but dismisses our relationship issues.

We haven't had sex for over a year (even before now, it was just once or twice a year) because he has no interest.

Like I say, my drinking is not his fault, but I am terribly low.

Buttonz you need to begin to fix yourself before you can address your relationship. But it would help to have DH on board with how you move forward.